Smaller
Hi Groundhog
I feel much the same. My mum was diagnosed a year ago and hospitalised just before that for emergency surgery from which she just survived, then it was clear something wasn't right, to everyone but her. In fact looking back we feel she had AD coming for years but thought she was scatty because she was always so busy, always for other people, always helping, a pillar of the community and church. She was the one who did the helping so she didn't need to be helped. She still feels that although she has help 3 times daily to remind her to eat drink and take her tablets etc.
I moved in when she came out of hospital and she nearly drove me mad Groundhog! Those were the worst days so far, because she battled against me and I knew she thought I was in her face. She struggled with her memory loss, trying to understand her dosette box, fiddling with it one evening for about 4 hours, standing in the kitchen. And sadly, she couldn't understand it at all and mixed them all up ( She has a pre set up dosette box now a blister pack from the chemist so it's not a temptation to fiddle with it but without prompting she wouldn't take them) .I stayed with her until we rented a house as we had to relocate back to near Mum. We were 4 hrs drive away, and now we are about to buy house with annexe for her. A year has gone by and I know she will do battle still!
If you can, go to London, and see 'Smaller' (play) with Dawn French and Alison Moyet. It's about 2 siblings and their mum who needs looking after. It's funny and it's stark and it feels real. You will laugh! I did . I went at the week end. I recommend it as therapy and reassurance.
I agree with what the others have said, about why the independence is demonstrated so strongly. It's heartbreaking to think my mum feels so capable at times and has no insight into not being at that moment. Other times it's just as painful to see her so lacking in confidence, so frustrated and angry with herself, for instance when she loses her house key or handbag, or knows she asked the same question just now but doesn't know the answer. Sometimes I feel she has too much insight and I want her to move to the next stage and lose it completely so she suffers less. I never want to argue with her and tell her she can't do things herself, but occasionally I have contradicted her and said she thinks she can do things but she doesn't. For instance taking her pills, and then she is so deflated I feel dreadful. That's always related to her saying she doesn't need help coming in. I try to downplay what she says and not respond or argue and to change the subject and distract her. That often works. My mum has said a few times she'd rather be dead and she is useless. I'm always very low for days after one of those outbursts. But I think she forgets she says it after. Her moods do swing. Often she is quite happy. She takes anti depressants and has done for years and her GP increased the dose after diagnosis. She rattles with all the pills she takes for so many conditions, but I think she needs the anti depressants. Sometimes i think I'll need some, but I keep going by giving myself permission to grieve for how she was. I think it is natural for us to feel anger and sorrow and shock and be miserable at times. It's such a huge thing that is taking place. You do need space sometimes. Find ways to recharge your batteries. I took the dog out twice a day and talked to her / myself and often cried alone. The grief needs to come out! Treat yourself to special little things every day. Care for yourself too. Are you getting any practical help?
You sound like you are doing a marvelous job. Well done. xxx
She has always been so independant and really hates the fact that somethings not quite right.
