this is my first post

frances

Registered User
May 31, 2006
1
London
Hi. This is my first post. My aunt has alzheimers... she's been like a mother to me. My father has looked after her for the past 4 years, but he died unexpectedly in November so, with my brother and sister, I've been thrown in the deep end. Last week she was told she couldn't drive any more. She is SOOOO upset, and we are seeing the Community Psychiatric Nurse tomorrow morning, I think my aunt will tell her never to visit again as she thinks it is the CPN's fault that she can't drive. She has no idea how bad she is, she just forgets everything as soon as it has happened. Anyway she wanted some information on Alzheimers so I looked it up on the web and found Talking Point. We've been coping in quite an isolated way until now. Feel a bit weepy to have found so many other people in the same boat. Frances
 

bel

Registered User
Apr 26, 2006
757
coventry
hi FRANCIS

Welcome you in the best place for support i had the same problem with my hubby a short while ago sorry just on way out will talk later
chin up
love Bel x
 

dmc

Registered User
Mar 13, 2006
1,157
hi frances,
welcome to TP, i havent been on tp long but found it invaluable, i dont have the problem you have about driving but i know theres a lot of people here with that same situation so im sure you'l get lots more replies soon, look forward to hearing more from you :)
 

Margarita

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
10,824
london
Hi Frances

Welcome, yes TP is amazing when you find it, it’s so over welling to read that so many people share the same story similar to you thank-god for the internet.

They should give every carer with a love one a computer or lap top & free internet connection, see that we save the government 45 billon a yes what a million or to less

There is quite a few threads about love one with AD & having to give up driving ,can’t help you on that issue with the car as mum does not no how to drive .

Shall look around for you .
 

Libby

Registered User
May 20, 2006
625
62
North East
No can drive!

Hi Frances and welcome to TP. We've been through the same situation with my mum about the car. When my dad had to go into hospice a couple of years ago, we realised that mum couldn't be left with the car as she was a danger not only to herself, but other road users. We persuaded dad that we had to remove the car, as he was too ill to drive and mum just wasn't competent enough.

It was a terrible time, as mum accused dad of taking the car away, even though we kept on telling her we had done it. She was so bitter and angry with dad and it saddens me even now to think about it. Even now, 2 years later, she still sometimes says that she can't go anywhere cos dad has taken the car.

But I suppose, if someone said to me that they were taking my car away, and if I didn't think there was anything wrong me, I'd be peed off as well!!

The sad fact is though, that you have to put other people's safety first

We've never actually told mum that she has AD - I'm not sure it would have made much difference if we had - she would have just thought we were lying, then forgotten all about it a short while later.

Has your aunt had to send her license to the DVLA?

Libs
 

Lucille

Registered User
Sep 10, 2005
542
Hi Frances

Welcome to TP.

Sorry to hear about your auntie. I hope all goes well with the CPN tomorrow. You're definitely not alone, so please post here when anything is bothering you and you need an 'electronic' shoulder to cry on. The people here are fantastic!

Best wishes
 

Jool

Registered User
Apr 21, 2006
13
Kendal, Cumbria
welcome

Hi Francis
Welcome to talking point. I am sure you will get lots of help from other members and the advice sheets are invaluable for pointing you in the right direction.

Persuading someone with dementia to give up driving is a real problem. Twelve months after my dad failed his driving assessment he still insists he should drive. He spends a lot of time looking for the car keys. He was adamant he was going to drive my mother to hospital for a check up last week. He is no longer insured, but will not let my mother have the car registered in her name.

Could your aunt's GP try to convince her not to drive
Are you able to park the car away from her house so she doen't see it all the time?
I also believe their is a legal requirement to let the insurance company know once there has been a diagnosis of dementia

best wishes
jool
 

Jann

Registered User
May 24, 2006
39
tingewick, bucks.
Hello Frances,

I too am fairly new here and have found everyone to be a very supportive and kind hearted group so you're in the right place.

My mother took a driving test two years ago, recommended as a result of tests given by her consultant at the memory clinic, and failed it. She, like your aunt, was devastated to be told she'd not be allowed to drive any more. Thankfully, we were all going on a family holiday abroad just after receiving this news which helped to cushion the blow and give us more time to comfort her and get her used to the idea. She has forgotten that she can't drive most of the time now which is a blessing in some ways.

Maybe you could take her for long rambling walks, if she's physically able and encourage her (with yourself or her friends) to take up other activities which may not involve driving. I know this may well be very difficult as most of the time, a car is needed to get to places.

My father drives so they are mobile but he has obtained free bus passes for them both recently and they enjoy going out regularly on various bus trips. Maybe your aunt may enjoy going off with a friend on a mystery tour by bus?!

In time, with luck, she will get used to the idea, and with your help, she can still be reasonably independent. We have often lifted the situation by saying to Mum that she has her very own chauffeur in Dad. Maybe you could be hers for some of the time?

Take care, best of luck. We're thinking of you.
Jann
 

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