1. frances

    frances Registered User

    May 31, 2006
    Hi. This is my first post. My aunt has alzheimers... she's been like a mother to me. My father has looked after her for the past 4 years, but he died unexpectedly in November so, with my brother and sister, I've been thrown in the deep end. Last week she was told she couldn't drive any more. She is SOOOO upset, and we are seeing the Community Psychiatric Nurse tomorrow morning, I think my aunt will tell her never to visit again as she thinks it is the CPN's fault that she can't drive. She has no idea how bad she is, she just forgets everything as soon as it has happened. Anyway she wanted some information on Alzheimers so I looked it up on the web and found Talking Point. We've been coping in quite an isolated way until now. Feel a bit weepy to have found so many other people in the same boat. Frances
  2. bel

    bel Registered User

    Apr 26, 2006
    hi FRANCIS

    Welcome you in the best place for support i had the same problem with my hubby a short while ago sorry just on way out will talk later
    chin up
    love Bel x
  3. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    hi frances,
    welcome to TP, i havent been on tp long but found it invaluable, i dont have the problem you have about driving but i know theres a lot of people here with that same situation so im sure you'l get lots more replies soon, look forward to hearing more from you :)
  4. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    Hi Frances

    Welcome, yes TP is amazing when you find it, it’s so over welling to read that so many people share the same story similar to you thank-god for the internet.

    They should give every carer with a love one a computer or lap top & free internet connection, see that we save the government 45 billon a yes what a million or to less

    There is quite a few threads about love one with AD & having to give up driving ,can’t help you on that issue with the car as mum does not no how to drive .

    Shall look around for you .
  5. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    great minds think alike dmc (Donna):D
  6. Libby

    Libby Registered User

    May 20, 2006
    North East
    No can drive!

    Hi Frances and welcome to TP. We've been through the same situation with my mum about the car. When my dad had to go into hospice a couple of years ago, we realised that mum couldn't be left with the car as she was a danger not only to herself, but other road users. We persuaded dad that we had to remove the car, as he was too ill to drive and mum just wasn't competent enough.

    It was a terrible time, as mum accused dad of taking the car away, even though we kept on telling her we had done it. She was so bitter and angry with dad and it saddens me even now to think about it. Even now, 2 years later, she still sometimes says that she can't go anywhere cos dad has taken the car.

    But I suppose, if someone said to me that they were taking my car away, and if I didn't think there was anything wrong me, I'd be peed off as well!!

    The sad fact is though, that you have to put other people's safety first

    We've never actually told mum that she has AD - I'm not sure it would have made much difference if we had - she would have just thought we were lying, then forgotten all about it a short while later.

    Has your aunt had to send her license to the DVLA?

  7. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    Birmingham Hades
  8. Lucille

    Lucille Registered User

    Sep 10, 2005
    Hi Frances

    Welcome to TP.

    Sorry to hear about your auntie. I hope all goes well with the CPN tomorrow. You're definitely not alone, so please post here when anything is bothering you and you need an 'electronic' shoulder to cry on. The people here are fantastic!

    Best wishes
  9. Jool

    Jool Registered User

    Apr 21, 2006
    Kendal, Cumbria

    Hi Francis
    Welcome to talking point. I am sure you will get lots of help from other members and the advice sheets are invaluable for pointing you in the right direction.

    Persuading someone with dementia to give up driving is a real problem. Twelve months after my dad failed his driving assessment he still insists he should drive. He spends a lot of time looking for the car keys. He was adamant he was going to drive my mother to hospital for a check up last week. He is no longer insured, but will not let my mother have the car registered in her name.

    Could your aunt's GP try to convince her not to drive
    Are you able to park the car away from her house so she doen't see it all the time?
    I also believe their is a legal requirement to let the insurance company know once there has been a diagnosis of dementia

    best wishes
  10. Jann

    Jann Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    tingewick, bucks.
    Hello Frances,

    I too am fairly new here and have found everyone to be a very supportive and kind hearted group so you're in the right place.

    My mother took a driving test two years ago, recommended as a result of tests given by her consultant at the memory clinic, and failed it. She, like your aunt, was devastated to be told she'd not be allowed to drive any more. Thankfully, we were all going on a family holiday abroad just after receiving this news which helped to cushion the blow and give us more time to comfort her and get her used to the idea. She has forgotten that she can't drive most of the time now which is a blessing in some ways.

    Maybe you could take her for long rambling walks, if she's physically able and encourage her (with yourself or her friends) to take up other activities which may not involve driving. I know this may well be very difficult as most of the time, a car is needed to get to places.

    My father drives so they are mobile but he has obtained free bus passes for them both recently and they enjoy going out regularly on various bus trips. Maybe your aunt may enjoy going off with a friend on a mystery tour by bus?!

    In time, with luck, she will get used to the idea, and with your help, she can still be reasonably independent. We have often lifted the situation by saying to Mum that she has her very own chauffeur in Dad. Maybe you could be hers for some of the time?

    Take care, best of luck. We're thinking of you.

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