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This is how we manage!

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by malomm, Oct 10, 2015.

  1. malomm

    malomm Registered User

    Hi everybody. Just seen an interesting article which explains how I and Mrs malomm manage, except we haven't got either badanti or moved in with children yet. We don't get any Local Authority or State help over and above a reasonably generous (505 eurines monthly) Attendance allowance. Forget your Admiral Nurses, and care assessments and respites and carers! Never thought I'd see the day when our Italian none system was considred better than the NHS.
    keep smiling,
    malomm
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...nies-grannies-State-doesn-t-look-elderly.html
     
  2. Pickles53

    Pickles53 Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    2,482
    Radcliffe on Trent
    #2 Pickles53, Oct 10, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2015
    I'd like Jeremy Hunt to explain how this works when...

    ...the government's default position is that every adult of working age should be out at work full-time until the state pension age (which will continue to rise) at least.

    ....families have to move to find suitable work so often live too far away from their older relatives.

    ...anyone living in a council house is penalised for having a spare room which might in future be available for an elderly relative to move into.

    ...existing care home and care agencies have difficulty recruiting and training sufficient staff to be able to care properly for people with dementia. Au pairs without such training would most likely do more harm than good.

    And so on....

    It's always problematic to take one aspect of life in another country and try to graft it onto another completely different culture. You have to look at the whole way a society is run.

    I have lived in China and admire much about how family life is organised. However I would also say that families have no choice about caring for ill or disabled family members because nothing else is available in most towns and certainly in the countryside where millions still live. Many families also consider illnesses or disability (especially mental or pyschiatric conditions) shameful and therefore want to hide their relatives at home. The need for people to work sometimes results in desperate measures like locking people in one room while the rest of the family is out, which we would consider abusive.

    Even in China this system may not work for another generation. It is very typical now that the children live elsewhere and may only go back to the parents' home town once or twice a year.
     
  3. Mrsbusy

    Mrsbusy Registered User

    Aug 15, 2015
    356
    Without trying to make this into a political debate I do find it worrying that a comment was made this week about following the Chinese ethic in respect of work. I have read about Chinese parents having to chain their disabled child to something so they can go to work, and with the support services in this country being cut every day it seems I wonder how low we have to go for the general public at least.

    Off my soapbox now, apologies.
     
  4. sleepless

    sleepless Registered User

    Feb 19, 2010
    3,232
    Female
    The Sweet North
    The elderly and vulnerable in society are not going to go away.
    If there isn't enough money in the pot to look after them, then it's time to top up the pot.
    We need a government that's Man and Woman enough to do this.
    By taking from the rich this time, I might add.
     
  5. CollegeGirl

    CollegeGirl Registered User

    Jan 19, 2011
    9,534
    North East England
    I do not want to go to live with either of my children if and when I become elderly and/or physically or mentally infirm. I want them to live their lives without having this duty thrust upon them, however much they love me and might be willing to do this for me.

    I tell them - find me a good care home and then come and visit me. Do not feel for one minute that you have to give up your lives to look after me.

    I wonder when Mr Hunt's parents and in-laws are going to come to live with him? Or did he neglect to let us know? :rolleyes:
     
  6. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,968
    Brixham Devon
    No need to apologise! Is there room on your soapbox for me?:)

    I have on occasions written to Mr Hunt objecting to previous comments that he has made about British Society. I've always been told that what has been reported has been taken out of context. ;):rolleyes: Once again he appears to be living in a fantasy world which is alien to many of us. How many of these 'Nannies' will have undertaken specialist Dementia training? Would they get out of bed in the middle of the night to assist a person? Probably not! Perhaps once or twice but definitely they wouldn't go beyond that. They would have an employment contract and stick to the hours stated. Who would pay the wages? What if the PWD had no savings? A state pension doesn't go far when other bills have to be paid.

    More details are needed Mr Hunt-or has this article been reported incorrectly again:rolleyes:
     
  7. garnuft

    garnuft Registered User

    Sep 7, 2012
    6,588
    Best I say nowt, Jeremy Hunt's remarks last week about people who need tax credits or benefits lacking self respect just about sums up this whole Government's attitude.

    :eek: Who said that??!!

    Wasn't me!
     
  8. nannylondon

    nannylondon Registered User

    Apr 7, 2014
    2,476
    London
    I agree with you College girl I have told my sons the exactly same thing I don't want them to give up their lives to look after me and their dad always said the same before he got AD I tried to keep Chris at home for as long as possible it wasn't an easy decision to go down the Care home path no one has the right to judge us carers
     
  9. notsogooddtr

    notsogooddtr Registered User

    Jul 2, 2011
    841
    Jeremy Hunt hasn't got a clue.I would like him to visit my Dad who is 94 and has severe dementia,which is BTW an illness.My Dad is doubly incontinent,not because he is old but because he is ill.He has hallucination,not because he is old but because he is ill.He is hardbound,not because he is old but because he is ill.He has skin cancer which can't be treated because his other illness,dementia,means he wouldn't be able to tolerate either surgery or radiotherapy.And no,my Dad doesn't live with me.He is in a nursing home,not because he is old but because he is ill.If we accept what Mr Hunt says,i.e. that the state can't afford to look after the old and ill we must be prepared for the day when we're told that the state can't afford to look after the ill full stop.Or the disabled.Or anyone else so lacking in 'self respect' that can't be out there working till they drop.And if China is so marvellous maybe Mr Hunt would do us all a favour and go and live there.
     
  10. notsogooddtr

    notsogooddtr Registered User

    Jul 2, 2011
    841
    Jeremy Hunt hasn't got a clue.Just got back from seeing my Dad who is 94 and has severe AD,a mental illness.He is doubly incontinent,not because he is old but because he is ill.He has hallucinations,not because he is old but because he is ill.He no longer recognises his family,not because he is old but because he is ill.He doesn't know that his son,his daughter and his wife are dead not because he old but because he is ill.He can no longer form a coherent sentence not because he is old but be cause he is ill.He has cancer which can't be treated because his other illness,AD,means he couldn't tolerate surgery or radiotherapy.And no,he does not live with his family but in nursing home because he is ill.As was my mother,whose funeral was yesterday and had several strokes.I have no doubt that the strain of looking after my Dad for so many years,was at least a contributory factor.If we accept what Mr Hunt says,that the state can't afford to look after the old and ill it will be only a matter of time till he tells us that the state can't afford to look after the ill full stop.Or the disabled.Or anyone else so lacking in 'self respect' that they can't work till they drop.I have a suggestion for Mr Hunt,if he admires China so much maybe he could do us a favour and go and live there.
     
  11. Alison N

    Alison N Registered User

    Jan 3, 2015
    209
    Surrey
    Perhaps Jeremy Hunt would like to take the whole of the Government to China with him ....................
     
  12. Moonflower

    Moonflower Registered User

    Mar 28, 2012
    775
    According to Mr Hunt's government, parents are expected to financially support their adult children at university - means testing is based on parental income, there are few truly "rich" students
    So whilst I am working 7 days a week, 10 hours a day to do that, how am I also supposed to look after my mother who cannot be left unsupervised even for a minute?
    And if I wasn't working I wouldn't be able to afford to house mum anyway?
    Can he not see the lack of logic? For most couples, economics mean that both work. So there isn't an army of willing women ready to look after the elderly - who may well live hundreds of miles away anyway.
     
  13. garnuft

    garnuft Registered User

    Sep 7, 2012
    6,588
    I LIKE this post SO MUCH.

    'Not because he's old but because he's ill'.

    Yes,Yes and again, YES.
     
  14. sleepless

    sleepless Registered User

    Feb 19, 2010
    3,232
    Female
    The Sweet North
    Yes indeed! I push this point at every opportunity.
     
  15. Mrsbusy

    Mrsbusy Registered User

    Aug 15, 2015
    356
    Perhaps Jeremy Hunt would like to take the whole of the Government to China with him ....................

    I like this post soooooo much!

    Plenty more room on my soapbox, it's a big one, free at Asda so I didn't have to pay 5p for a bag to put it in!
     
  16. nannylondon

    nannylondon Registered User

    Apr 7, 2014
    2,476
    London
    Great post and so true well said maybe you should send it to Mr Hunt xx
     
  17. esmeralda

    esmeralda Registered User

    Nov 27, 2014
    3,072
    Devon
    Yup, adding my applause for this post notsogooddtr.

    Jeremy Hunt is a fully paid up member of the 'good ideas club'. It's truly frightening.
     
  18. notsogooddtr

    notsogooddtr Registered User

    Jul 2, 2011
    841
    I think I will write to Mr Hunt and maybe to the press as,well.I am also going to look into applying for CHC.Anger seems to have galvanised me,probably adrenalin.
     
  19. esmeralda

    esmeralda Registered User

    Nov 27, 2014
    3,072
    Devon
    Oh, yes nsgd, you write so eloquently and passionately. Deserves a wider audience
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  20. malomm

    malomm Registered User

    Clueless politicians

    All interesting comments, and just confirm what we all know anyway - most politicians whether left right or centre are out of touch with reality of everyday life; and as far as being qualified to comment on other cultures even more clueless.
    If you are interested in how other countries treat dementia, it is worth looking into the EU Alzhiemer site. Here in Italy, families look after their elderly and dementia suffering relatives not because they want to, but because the state doesn't provide alternatives. For a population of 60 million, there are about 150 care homes providing dementia care with qualified staff; you do the maths. It is enshrined in the civil law code that family, not the state, has the duty of care. The popular myth of 'Italian family togetherness' is just that, a myth. It is because there are no valid alternatives.
    keep smiling,
    malomm.
     

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