This is hard

[Sharon Clifford]

My mum has recently been diagnosed with AD. She is in the early stages and not as far down the road as some relatives are on the forum. She has been told not to drive and this is causing most frustration to her. She has had the memory tests etc and awaiting home assessment. However she is not really understanding what is going on. The hard for me is that I live 100 miles away, my sister being closer at 15 miles away. My sister sees the tough stuff, the angst, the confusion, the not understanding etc. She has had to go through the test results etc to explain what has been happening. Mum just thinks the Dr.s are all wrong didn't talk to her and treated her like a child, my sister tells a different. Have been down for a visit but mum just passes it all off as nothing, everything is ok seemed perfectly lucid, which I know can happen in the early stages. Now this weekend I find I was expected to go down to visit, my mum was certain I had said I would be down for the week. I do find it hard that my sister seems to see the greater amount of confusion and yet when I ring or visit I feel I am just being brushed off with all is OK
Sharon

 

[daughter]

Far away or near, it's not easy is it? I suppose that denial is just your Mum's way of handling this devastating news, so I think I'd just go along with her and try not to keep refering to it. After all, the alternative is for her to just accept it and, let's face it, who would want to?

However, explaining that driving is out of the question is very difficult without actually saying (and keep repeating) "it's because you have AD". My Mum used to tell Dad that the doctor had said he shouldn't drive ("why not?"), because he's 80 now ("I'm not 80"), eventually she sold the car so he wouldn't see it in the driveway any more ("where's my car?"). There's no easy answer!

Best wishes,

 

[Sharon Clifford]

Thanks

Yes, we have already removed the car so that she would not see it in the garage causing further upset. I know it is hard because it has always been her independance. Even when Dad was alive and working he went to work by bike as it was only just over a mile away and it wasnt worth the car parking pass, so mum always had the car at her disposal for shopping etc. I know I should probably just "go with the flow" but it is difficult when I don't really see what is happening.
Sharon