This happened in the US.....

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by citybythesea, Jun 16, 2008.

  1. citybythesea

    citybythesea Registered User

    Mar 23, 2008
    632
    coast of texas
    I was reding this a few hours ago and started to think. I'm not sure how I would have handled it. I know that some of you women and men have your spouse in a home. I hope this doesn't happen to you, for those of you who have seemingly healthy AD parents in a home, this might be something to think about how you would handle the situation. It's sort of sad, but uplifting at the same time. Not trying to offend anyone, just trying to help bring the whole picture into view for some. After I've thought a little more I may post on my opinion..don't know yet...
    Here's the link:

    http://www.slate.com/id/2192178/?GT1=38001

    HUgs

    Nancy
     
  2. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    TRYING to play Devil's advocate ...

    ... and identify with the son's feelings of shock when presented unexpectedly with the scene.
    I can understand an INITIAL negative reaction, but to pursue it to the extent of stopping a loving & valued relationship was just plain cruel.
    Of course, we are not told what attitude the manager of the facility had or felt obliged to adopt, or how much influence that had on the resultant separation of the unfortunate couple.

    But my initial, gut-reaction opinion (of the son) was 'what an insensitive pr*ck!'
     
  3. citybythesea

    citybythesea Registered User

    Mar 23, 2008
    632
    coast of texas
    You had the same reaction I had.....I felt sad for the couple, but then could also see why the son may have acted that way....I wish he would have given his views, it would make a difference on whether he felt it was a "gold-digger I want to keep my inheritance issue" or if he really felt it was a health issue....oh well, I can only surmise....

    HUGS

    Nancy
     
  4. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #4 Margarita, Jun 16, 2008
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2008
    I would of been in shock to find my mother like that .

    I do like it when the daughter was talking about her father because I can relate it to my mother father relationship , my mother also after 6 years does not talk about my father .



    I did find it hard when my mother started to find other men attractive wanting to have a relationship with then , but with my mother she like the younger men :D that do not have a dementia.

    but at a respite care home she did make friends with one man , while I said to my mother not another boyfriend:rolleyes: . she said to me Oh no I did not like him in that way, I just felt sorry for as his wife had died .
     
  5. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,106
    Toronto, Canada
    I personally think that two elderly people should be allowed to enjoy whatever relationship they may develop. Granted there may be issues about informed consent but I think we can all say that about relationships in our past.

    Yes, it's certainly unnerving to think of one's elderly mother having intercourse or whatever. But let them enjoy the time they have left. I suspect eventually the relationship would have faded of its own accord, helped along by AD.

    At least they were happy with each other, which should be the important thing. As for that private worker who objected on religious grounds, I disagree completely. This is a work issue. Also, everyone has their own beliefs and stopping the couple is the equivalent of forcing them to comply with the worker's beliefs, somewhat like the Spanish Inquisition. I'm very much against coercion - I believe in live and let live. Pity these fanatics do not.
     
  6. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    I think it's terribly sad.

    Sexual feelings do not stop at 35, as the teenagers seem to think. These two people were finding comfort together, and I think it was cruel to separate them.

    Of course it was a huge shock for the son, any of us would probably have been shocked to find our own parents in that situation at any age, and perhaps oral sex needed to be stopped on health grounds, but to saparate them completely was in my opinion way OTT.
     
  7. Mameeskye

    Mameeskye Registered User

    Aug 9, 2007
    1,669
    NZ
    I remember my Mum becoming quite friendly with a new elderly resident (although not quite as friendly as the couple in the story ;))

    My Dad had been dead a number of years and it was sweet to see them acting like love birds on the sofa, holding hands and exchanging kisses.

    The only enquiry I made of the staff was whether the new resident had a wife,as I knew what dementia could do to inhibitions and although I knew that my Mother would upset no-one I was scared that he might have a wife come to visit and witness this. Once the staff assured me that this was not the case we used to take delight in their happiness.

    Unfortunately it did not last long before there dementias ended the sweetness and they forgot what they had felt, albeit briefly. But it was nice while it lasted.

    All I can say is that I hope that I have the energy at 95 :D


    Mameeskye
     
  8. LIZ50

    LIZ50 Registered User

    Mar 23, 2008
    56
    Hampshire
    Just a memory

    I found this article rather endearing and reading about this elderly couple having oral sex brought back a rather sweet memory of my mum who passed away two weeks ago.
    A few years ago, before dementia, the subject of oral sex came up and mum turned to me and said 'Liz, does oral sex mean talking about sex?'
    She was deadly serious and it still brings a smile to my face. Bless her.
    Liz x
     
  9. Chrissyan

    Chrissyan Registered User

    Aug 9, 2007
    570
    N E England
    This reminds me of an episode of Frost, only the couple involved had Downs Syndrome, they were also sadly parted. Fiction I know but I am sure it goes on.

    There is a story about my Grandmother I only heard recently from my cousin. Grandma (widowed twice over) was in a nursing home after a fall (no dementia) She was found 'in flagrente' in her room with a visitor, a man she had been friendly with for some time (much to the families disapproval) I never knew why they disapproved at the time, I was a teenager then, I still don't know now.:confused:

    The home called her daughter, my aunt & told her. Why did they do this, she was not a child??? Grandma wasn't confused & obviously liked this Peter, her daughter on the other hand was a bit of a prude & was very shocked. My aunts daughter & I had a good giggle over this a few months back. :D
     

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