Thinking of taking Mum on a short break, is it allowed

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by MrsV, May 28, 2019.

  1. MrsV

    MrsV Registered User

    Apr 16, 2018
    71
    Hi All,

    Does anyone know at what point does a dementia sufferers money stop being their own to spend on what they like (within reason of course)? i.e. before they need care, before any assessment of needs, or would it be upon diagnosis. Our Mum lives alone and currently doesn't need carers coming in, as the family cover it at the moment between us. But we think maybe by end of the year Mum may need meals on wheels or something like that. She attends daycare 2 days a week, she self funding, and has started to receive Attendance Allowance at the lower rate.

    We are thinking of taking Mum on a little holiday, Mum would need to pay for herself, (her funds are currently over the 23k, we think it would be beneficial to Mum to get away. But would this be viewed as deprivation of assets, with it being for a short break, rather than for necessities?

    Thank you
     
  2. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,057
    Toronto, Canada
    I cannot answer regarding your deprivation of assets question, but I know that several members were able to take their loved ones away successfully for some time after diagnosis. I don't really know if it would be beneficial for your mother, but it would be creating good memories for you and your family.
     
  3. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,624
    Female
    London
    I'm pretty sure that it wouldn't! I took OH on plenty of holidays after diagnosis, and no one ever bat a eyelid. In fact, lots of them were to specialist places that did holidays especially for people with dementia. A PWD is allowed to have nice treats - the problem would be if you squirrelled money away to other people to hide it from Social Services, or if the holidays taken were suddenly out of all proportion (ie a £20,000 round the world cruise).
     
  4. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,867
    Female
    South coast
    I dont think this would be deprivation of assets - its not like you are using the money for a holiday for yourself!
    It isnt just absolute necessities, but things that will benefit that person. Common sense must prevail, of course, and a high end luxury holiday involving a private jet would probably not be allowed, but the sort of holiday that is in keeping with with the sort of thing that she would have done in the past is absolutely fine.
    I would keep the receipt to show where the money has gone, though.
     
  5. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    2,812
    Nottinghamshire
    I took my dad on several holidays in the early stages. It never occurred to me that it might be counted as deprivation of assets. He also treated us to some meals out but he had always done this occasionally as a treat instead of the home cooked meals I invited him to (maybe he didn't like my cooking...).

    I'm sure it's fine to spend as normal. You can't be expected to stop living your lives now because of something that may or may not be needed in the future.

    Dad's financial assessment only went back 3 months thru his bank statements when he had it done last year.
     
  6. LynneMcV

    LynneMcV Volunteer Moderator

    May 9, 2012
    3,450
    south-east London
    I took my husband on several holidays after diagnosis and he paid his share towards them. Going on holiday was in his best interests and for his own sense of happiness and well-being (as well as for mine, as his main carer). There came a time when we had to stop, due to the progression of his illness making it not in his best interests - but there is nothing to stop our loved ones enjoying a happy break while it is appropriate and possible to do so..
     
  7. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,867
    Female
    South coast
    It depends on the LA - ours does 6 months, but when the financial assessor came he said that if there is any suspicion of DOA they can go back many, many years and he said that anything out of the ordinary day to day expenses is best to keep the receipts - just in case!
     
  8. MrsV

    MrsV Registered User

    Apr 16, 2018
    71
    Manythan
    Many thanks Bunpoots. good point.
     
  9. MrsV

    MrsV Registered User

    Apr 16, 2018
    71
    Thank you joanne
     
  10. MrsV

    MrsV Registered User

    Apr 16, 2018
    71
    Th
    ank you Beate.
     
  11. MrsV

    MrsV Registered User

    Apr 16, 2018
    71
    Thank you BEATE. Were just concerned that because Mum signed her house over to myself and my sister almost 10 years ago - long before there was any inclination of dementia and Mum was living a full and vibrant happy life. we're worried they may go to town raking through Mums finances because they don't like the fact she signed her house over to us. It certainly wasn't to avoid possible future care home fees, it was to put her affairs in order, pay for her own funeral and update her will, she wanted to ensure her 2 children benefitted from the house her and Dad struggled to pay for. At the time we had issues with family relatives with disagreements over wills/houses etc. Mum wanted HER affairs to be fair and settled on paper. We fear SS will hold that against us, and if we take mum on a short break (just a couple of hundred pound probably - 2 or 3 days in the sunshine for her) that will be their excuse.
     
  12. MrsV

    MrsV Registered User

    Apr 16, 2018
    71
    THan
    Thank you Canary.
    So it seems there rules vary from, 3 months, 6 months, to many many years. It appears a persons money is not their own. A holiday would be not classed as everyday expenses then. We would of course keep the receipt. But what about when it comes to repairs to Mums house etc, boiler repairs, those sort of things, that have to be done. but cost money. I guess we just keep the receipts.

    thanks
     
  13. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,867
    Female
    South coast
    Yes, just keep the receipts - house repairs and maintenance was one of the things that I specifically asked about and that is what he said
     
  14. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    429
    Male
    North West
    #14 Palerider, May 29, 2019
    Last edited: May 29, 2019
    The SS will scrutinise everything to the nearest pound, it can be stressful and also quite sensitive. Mum's house badly needed repairs last year, and of course the SS wanted to know where the money had gone to. If I have to pay for anything that is mums I always pay on card not cash, so that if the receipt does get lost it shows on the bank statement
     
  15. Fullticket

    Fullticket Registered User

    Apr 19, 2016
    460
    Chard, Somerset
    You are not spending the council's money on her holiday and can they really expect someone with dementia not to enjoy the 'in the moment' events that a holiday will bring to them? Not to 'allow' spending on a holiday is like saying that someone doesn't have legs, can't walk any more and so won't be interested in going out or buying a new pair of shoes.
    We took mum on plenty of jaunts (and yes, she only paid for herself, not us) and enjoyed herself hugely. She didn't have any recall of where she had been or what she had done but she was definitely stimulated and happy. We let her buy us a meal out occasionally, as she did pre-dementia. It's normal. We never had any problems with this but if they had come sniffing around wanting to know why she had had the temerity to spend money on enjoying herself I think I may have been forced to air some strong views.
    Pay on card and keep the receipts though, in case!
     
  16. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    429
    Male
    North West
    Yes, the financial assessor did see a side of me he didn't like and even apologised ;)
     
  17. Maureen133

    Maureen133 New member

    Jun 1, 2019
    2
     
  18. Maureen133

    Maureen133 New member

    Jun 1, 2019
    2
    My husband was diagnosed about 5 years ago now with PCA........ I pay for most of his care, although he does have a personal budget as well, almost like your mum, he attends daycare 3 times a week (mainly because I still work & also to give me an hour or two to myself) When we had our financial assessment done, he had over 23k (he doesn’t now) & I’ve been taking him abroad up until recently, once every couple of months, & he’s paid for it himself & nobody has ever told me I can’t take him or spend his money, we have a Social Worker & she knows we’re away lots & she’s never said that I shouldn’t be spending his money, after all it is his when all’s said & done....... So as such I can’t actually give you an answer, but I would say take her while she can still enjoy it........ xx
     
  19. MrsV

    MrsV Registered User

    Apr 16, 2018
    71
    THa
    Thank you Maureen
     

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