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Thinking he lives elsewhere

Jacques

New member
Apr 4, 2020
5
My husband is convinced that we live elsewhere and it is becoming a nightly occurrence that he wants to go to 'our house'. I have tried explaining that this is our home but am told that i am lying and should be ashamed of myself. I've tried saying nothing and even agreed to go if he directs me. Nothing works. Does anyone know what I can do as a day can be peaceful until the early evening when this starts.
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,113
Scotland
This is almost certainly sundowning from the timing you describe. At that stage my husband was prescribed Trazodone which is an anti depressant used for dementia. Initially he took 50 mg but gradually this had to be increased. I found it saved my sanity and helped me to continue to look after him.
 

Thethirdmrsc

Registered User
Apr 4, 2018
197
Hi @Jacques , I would echo what @marionq says. My OH does it, but not every night. It can be very frightening, and it’s their reality, and nothing can sway them. I would go back urgently to your consultant or GP for a change in his meds.
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
389
Hello @Jacques. This link might be useful:

 

Jacques

New member
Apr 4, 2020
5
Many thanks for your advice. My husband is already taking trazodone 100g. He normally takes this med with other meds before going to bed but maybe it would be worth giving it to him early evening in the hope that it may kick in and help dispel the sundowning problem.
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
4,588
Nottinghamshire
Hi @Jacques . Some people have found that agreeing to go but in the morning as it’s too late now helps to calm the situation. I hope giving your husband the medication earlier works for you.
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,113
Scotland
Many thanks for your advice. My husband is already taking trazodone 100g. He normally takes this med with other meds before going to bed but maybe it would be worth giving it to him early evening in the hope that it may kick in and help dispel the sundowning problem.
Just noticed your post. I gave my husband one tablet of Trazodone around 4 pm when he came in from daycare then another at bedtime. I found that dealt with the sundowning period.
 

Thethirdmrsc

Registered User
Apr 4, 2018
197
I also got this week from our Dr, diazepam, which I gave to the OH about 6.30 last night, then his Mertazapine at bed, and he slept all night.
 

None the Wiser

Registered User
Feb 3, 2020
72
It used to really bother me when my husband said he wanted to go home. It was always at bedtime. I stopped answering him truthfully and now say “ we’re staying here tonight.” It has worked lately, but I think it’s partly as he is also taking something for his anxiety.
 

Looseleaf

New member
Mar 22, 2020
9
My husband is convinced that we live elsewhere and it is becoming a nightly occurrence that he wants to go to 'our house'. I have tried explaining that this is our home but am told that i am lying and should be ashamed of myself. I've tried saying nothing and even agreed to go if he directs me. Nothing works. Does anyone know what I can do as a day can be peaceful until the early evening when this starts.
I have just realised that my husband has not said for some days that he wanted to go home. He had been difficult to convince for some weeks even saying I might have brought up a family in this house but he never had - so be heartened it might be a phase. I had put it down to muddling it with the strangeness of Lock down. He was also very confused about neighbours and nearby friends homes. Either having woken me early or having to put the light back on after settling at night confused about these issues we would sit looking at Google Street View on my mobile phone which did seem to help.
 

DaveCr1968

Registered User
Jul 5, 2020
43
It used to really bother me when my husband said he wanted to go home. It was always at bedtime. I stopped answering him truthfully and now say “ we’re staying here tonight.” It has worked lately, but I think it’s partly as he is also taking something for his anxiety.
I'm temporarily looking after my dad and aim to get him in residential care next week.

I go through this nightly; he wants to go home. I say one or more of the following:

It is too late to go now, we'll go in the morning, or​
You agreed to stay here tonight, or​
We have an early start tomorrow so better stopping here.​

Telling him he is already at home works sometimes but rarely.

Regards

Dave