Thinking about moving care homes..dilemma

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by gigi, Apr 17, 2012.

  1. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    7,788
    East Midlands
    My husband is currently well cared for in a home which is almost an hour's drive away from me.
    I'm satisfied with his care..but can only visit once a week at best because of the distance.

    He is now very slow and confused..I realise that moving him may be detrimental to him and initially cause further confusion..but there is a vacancy at a good home which is local and at most a 10 minute drive from me.

    I could even walk there if necessary.

    Increasingly I feel that I want him nearer to me...if he was local I could certainly have more input and see him more often.

    Any thoughts welcome.

    Thanks.

    xx
     
  2. SWMBO1950

    SWMBO1950 Registered User

    Nov 17, 2011
    2,077
    Essex
    Purely my opinion - I would move him if you are happy with the home closer to you and then as you say you will have more input and be able to see him more often which can only be a bonus for you both:)

    Good Luck and Best Wishes



     
  3. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    7,788
    East Midlands
    Thanks for your reply,SW.

    It does seem to be the logical thing to do. I'm just a bit concerned about the effect the move may have on him.

    It's also not that straightforward as I will have to notify Social Services and involve a Social worker...:(

    xx
     
  4. TinaT

    TinaT Registered User

    Sep 27, 2006
    7,095
    Bolton
    #4 TinaT, Apr 17, 2012
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2012
    I wouldn't hesitate as long as you are happy with the new care home. I'm pretty sure that regular visits from you will be so important for his whole welfare, from his emotional needs right through to physical needs. I know that I am so satisfied when I see my husband regularly and can ask staff 'Have you noticed this - or that - or the other..... ' as I know him best and can judge very small differences in his wellbeing which carers coming on and off shifts and having a multitude of tasks may not immediately notice.

    I get satisfaction from visiting and being fairly active in his care and the times when he does know me and a big smile comes on his face are priceless to me.

    Good luck in your decision and if you do decide to move your husband, I hope that you will feel happier as well as being more involved in the care of your husband.

    xxTinaT
     
  5. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    7,788
    East Midlands
    Thanks Tina!

    I "feel" it's the right move...but am concerned because I'm probably doing it more for me than for him. He 's settled and comfortable where he is just now.

    But whenever there's a problem I'm so far away and family constraints mean that I can't just go to him at the drop of a hat.

    Good to hear from you!

    xx
     
  6. TinaT

    TinaT Registered User

    Sep 27, 2006
    7,095
    Bolton
    You are not doing it just for yourself Gigi - but for the whole wellbeing of your fella! It is a bonus for you in that you will be able to see him more often but you must insist that it is for his benefit - which it truely is indeed!

    Let me know how you get on with it

    My love to you
    xxTina
     
  7. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,149
    Kent
    Hello gigi

    I moved my mother without any detrimental effect. I know everyone is different but I`m sure more frequent visits would be a big advantage.
     
  8. Jo1958

    Jo1958 Registered User

    Mar 31, 2010
    3,724
    Yorkshire
    Gigi, hi
    Being new to the idea of having hubby in a care home I would certainly say 'move and be more involved' to be able to visit easily and walk there for a short visit whenever you are able would make the most enormous difference to your lives. If he is happily settled then a move will probably only be like a change of shift with carers, he should take it in his stride now that he is happily settled.

    Wishing you both well and I hope that your contact with SS goes well and you get a positive result,
    with kind regards from Jo
     
  9. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    7,788
    East Midlands
    Thanks again Tina..and Jo and Sylvia, for your common sense.

    Your replies have helped to strengthen my resolve to move Eric.

    xx
     
  10. sallyc

    sallyc Registered User

    Aug 20, 2008
    1,674
    suffolk
    Hi Gigi

    We moved Grandad a year ago, from one CH to another.

    The new one is further away from us, but much better for Grandad and is absolutely the best thing we could have done for him. He has settled brilliantly - obviously it took a little while for him to settle but we, and him, have never looked back :)
     
  11. craftyviola

    craftyviola Registered User

    Feb 17, 2012
    254
    Malvern
    I am absolutely the move will be fine even though thereby be a settling in period but at least you will be close enough to be there for reassurance. Besides which, any of our loved ones might have to be moved unaboidably for a variety of reasons such as a short stay in hospital or because the home has to be refurbished, or in the case of one near us, the residents moved because it was flooded five years ago. In the latter case the vast majority of the residents were fine about the disruption.

    Good luck and I know I have greater peace of mind with my Mum in a CH fifteen minutes away!
     
  12. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    Hello Gigi,
    You have alot to deal with and to have Eric move nearer to you will be a blessing, not just for you but for him too. You will be there to give reassurances through any initial confusion. Eric will also benefit with the odd visit from little Oscar :).

    David moved rooms a few months ago - he vaguely noticed for a day or two but since then there is a brightness about the place that he/we appreciate.

    I feel your decision is almost made and if so I hope SS comply with your wishes.

    Take care
     
  13. burfordthecat

    burfordthecat Registered User

    Jan 9, 2008
    1,707
    Female
    Leicestershire
    Hi Gigi

    If you are happy with the "new" care home, my vote would be to move Eric. Yes it may cause some short term issues but I feel that for the long term benefits it would be worthwhile.

    I've got my fingers crossed that SS make this an easy exercise for you both.

    Love Carina x x
     
  14. mimi jarvis

    mimi jarvis Registered User

    Apr 2, 2012
    30
    I'm about to do the same thing myself for my mother. She is also an hour away - but my instincts are very strong that she'll be ok after she settles in and hopefully we will both benefit. Good luck x
     
  15. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    7,788
    East Midlands
    I'm so grateful to you all for your positive response...:)

    Today i've made an initial referral to SS and have had a phone call back saying that they are putting me in touch with a relocation person..:)confused:) who will be in touch with me.

    I think she phoned thisafternoon while i was out..mum took the call but got it all mixed up. So i'll chase that up tomorrow if there's no contact.

    Meanwhile I went back to the the local CH thismorning with my daughter and it does tick all the boxes. It has 38 residents as opposed to 28 where Eric is now..but staff and residents alike seemed happy.
    We arrived unannounced and when the manager was told we were there he made an effort to come out and introduce himself and have a chat.
    So..fingers crossed.
    They have 2 rooms currently available...both light and airy.

    I'll keep you posted.

    Love xx
     
  16. TinaT

    TinaT Registered User

    Sep 27, 2006
    7,095
    Bolton
    Good news Gigi!

    I would chase it up with the Social Services as two rooms vacant can very soon be filled and leave you with so much disappointment. Thanks for letting us know the progress and I'll keep all my digits crossed for you. I do hope that you can pull this off without having to make a million phone calls etc., with the attendant worries an distress this causes.

    Love to you xx TinaT
     
  17. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    7,788
    East Midlands
    I hope so too, Tina!

    Am amazed that i had a call back thisafternoon when my initial enquiry was only thismorning.

    This should be straightforward..and like you am keeping everything crossed that it will be that way.

    I already feel a lightening of spirit thinking that Eric can be so much closer to me. It will make a huge difference....:)

    Love xx
     
  18. hazytron

    hazytron Registered User

    Apr 4, 2008
    1,167
    SOUTH LAKES
    Hi Gigi, here's hoping very beneficial changes are coming your way. Sending you lots of positive vibes for a really good outcome.

    I know circumstances are different for each and everyone of us but I believe having our loved ones close enough to visit, with ease, in an environment that ticks all the right boxes just has to be the way forward.

    Lots of love
    Hazel x
     
  19. sussexsue

    sussexsue Registered User

    Jun 10, 2009
    1,528
    West Sussex
    Not quite the same, but recently mum moved from the residential unit to the dementia unit within the same home. As far as she is concerned it could have been from one end of the country to the other. Needless to say she was absolutely fine.

    I am sure Eric will be and will appreciate more visits from you. But more importantly it is about you. A one hour drive makes it a visit, on your doorstep and you will feel a lot more involved in his life. Whatever happens I am sure Eric will be fine, but I reckon you will benefit hugely from this move.

    Good luck

    Sue.
     
  20. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    7,788
    East Midlands
    I phoned thismorning to find out what the next step is!

    Eric has been referred to this locality and is now waiting for a social worker to take on the case..here we go..:rolleyes:

    The person I spoke to was none other than Eric's original social worker who managed his emergency placement. She was very negative...:( Didn't think it was a good idea to move him at all if he's settled where he is; talked about assessing his mental capacity.(.:confused:) best interest meetings etc.) Fortunately she probably won't pick up the case. Hopefully we'll be allocated someone more sympathetic towards the whole picture.

    Love xx
     

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