Thank you so much. I don't know what I am heading in to. But I can only think if a mountain needs building then let's build it. Oh dear x
Thank you so much for your help, and i do appreciate all the advice you can give to me. I don't know what I am heading in to believe me. But I can only think if a mountain needs building then let's build it. Oh dear maybe one day I will eat my words x
My wife was diagnosed with MCI 18 months ago. Whilst I noticed a continuing deterioration it was on her next visit to the clinic 6 months ago that she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and possible Vascular Dementia. CT, MRI, and PET scans over the last 2 years have confirmed brain shrinkage in 2 areas and vascular damage.
Thank you so much for your post, yes this is what we need to do, just step back a little and keep enjoying the things we like doing together instead of worrying about what might happen. In Spain even thou the support system is not there, like you have said there are people out there that are available to give a helping hand, even to the point that we could get in a live in carer, not that we are loaded, but we will ensure that we keep funds set aside for that rainy day, that is if there is a rainy day. Could I ask you , do you have a loved one that has been diagnosed with dementia/alzhiemers, and if this is the case how are you managing. Thank you for your positive advice.
Many thanks for sourcing the information and the links you have provided. I found the information very informative and has given me a great deal of facts to the spanish support system. I have copied the links which I can always refer to as and when needed. We have been working and living in Spain for 17 years and we are more than happy with the support and also the medical treatment that my husband has received so far, so I can only hope it continues.
When she got her diagnosis my wife was distraught and cried for weeks - she even asked me to smother her with a pillow on the first day. I knew she had been getting worse so wasn't surprised by the diagnosis but it still hit me like a runaway train. We had travel plans spanning many months over each of the next few years so we realised that plans would have to change. We decided to move forward plans to renovate the house so that my wife could get used to things before she totally lost the capacity to cope with change (she is already struggling with that). We also had to sort out legal issues before she lost capacity. On top of all that we had people like a Language Therapist, an OT, a CPN and a dementia nurse visiting and Doctor, Consultant, and Hospital visits to attend over the summer giving help, altering meds., doing assessments etc. It was indeed too much in too short a time but I don't think we had any other option as we are about to leave Ireland for quite a long while.
My mum had Alzheimers and my husband has Frontotemporal Dementia (FTD). Mum was in a care home for 3 years and died in April this year from the Alzheimers. At the same time, my husband was diagnosed with FTD, although he has had symptoms for much longer. Mum was living on her own and I could not support her as much as she needed because of my husband and mum refused to have any carers in. During that time I really was pulling my hair out as by this (mid) stage she was not washing, cooking, cleaning the house or anything really, but I could not do anything about it. She started getting into arguments with her nextdoor neighbours over the bins and then she started walking out at night dressed only in her nighty or dressing gown (not always fastened) and banging on the neighbours doors because she didnt know where she was. Eventually she had a TIA and was taken into hospital. Following this she went into a care home where she settled and thrived. She joined in the activities and enjoyed having people around all the time - night and day.
I so understand what you are feeling and experiencing. My wife also went through a phase of not wanting me to tell anyone about her condition but she was open to my suggestion that people would be understanding and supportive if we told them and we have found that I was correct. You are correct in saying that the PWD changes; just 3 years ago I used to discuss topics like philosophy and ethics while walking with my wife and now even simple concepts are beyond her and she can sometimes struggle with everyday language. Such things depress my wife who frequently states that she can’t understand why I still want to be with her. Almost daily I quote to her the title of a Frank Zappa song “You are what you is” along with a few lines from the song. I tell her that fundamentally she is still the same person and that we are still having a good and happy life together even though the carers role can both stress and exhaust me at times. I tell her I always have and always will love her because that’s the truth. We too are 2nd time around for our marriage and I tell her that my only regret about our relationship is that we hadn’t met when we were younger and getting married for the first time because that too is the truth. I don’t get depressed or worried about our situation because I have always believed that it is futile to stress about things that one cannot change - I just play the cards that are dealt to the best of my ability. My wife has always had a depressives outlook and I find it both difficult and tedious to have to persuade her that life can still be good for us but I just plough on in my usual optimistic way - many years ago my son actually asked me if my glass was ever have empty and I simply replied “no”.
