Think I am depressed?

[Jaypee]

Mom is 87, five years in to Alzheimer's diagnosis. She was looked after off and on by my sister until her own illness in August. Moms moved in with me since then and we plan for her to stay. She is forgetful, repetitive and desperate to "go home" which I counter by blaming social services and doctors. She accuses me of keeping her imprisoned, whereas really it's she that keeps me imprisioned! If I go out, she has a strop when I get back! I feel confined, can't talk to my family and ex partner thinks I'm an idiot to take her on. But she's my mom so what e,se can I do?


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[fizzie]

Hi Jayne
Welcome to TP - there is loads of support on here and lots of different ideas about ways forward but most of all there is a lot of love and understanding xxx

Do you have Attendance Allowance ? if not it isn't means tested and it would be a good idea to get that started but please ask for advice or get someone to help you as i believe everyone could do with help filling this form in.

I would also suggest that you phone Social services and ask for a carers assessment - this means that you may well get some hours allocated each week to give you a break and it starts of the support network in a fairly low key way.

I don't know whereabouts you live (oops i have just noticed you are in cyprus sorry) but i would google carers cafe (that was my lifeline - an hour or so with a cup of coffee and other people who understand and who know about local services), you may also have a memory cafe in your area where you can go with mum and spend some time with others in the same situation, a day centre for a day a week may suit you and give you a break, sometimes there are lunch clubs for people with dementia. All of these things will give you a bit of a break and the energy to keep going. There is often a fair bit going on in communities and i hope there is in your part of Cyprus too and your Ma might begin to feel a bit more settled.

i've just seen this info for Cyprus - maybe they can give you more info
Alzheimer's Disease Association
Support Groups
Association providing support for sufferers and family of those with Alzheimer's Disease.
Send e-mailTel: 24 627 104

Alzheimers Self Help Group Paphos
Retirement & Disabled Services
Alzheimers self help group located in Paphos. Meeting 1st Wednesday of the month.

This is a massive adjustment for both of you and the path is rocky but i'm sure you Mum would be very grateful to you for looking after her if she was in a pre Alz state xx

Thee is lots and lots of support here so keep posting and we will too xxxxxxxxxxxxx Thinking of you

 

[Mrsbusy]

Hello and welcome to TP. This site is great for saying things as they really are, nobody judges or thinks badly of you as we have all been there or understand how you feel. Hugs to you as you sound like you are worn out and maybe depressed with everything getting on top of you, I understand the irony of the prison comment. Your sister has already made herself I'll by looking after your Mum so common sense says don't let yourself do the same thing.

Really the first thing I would suggest is to visit your GP and make them aware of how you are and what you are dealing with and accept any offers of help from whoever offers it. Have you had a carers assessment carried out, or an assessment for your mums needs, as this would maybe help as she may be offered day centre visit, a few hours of a befriended to visit so it gives you a few free hours to do what you need for you.

Is she safe to be left on her own, does she sleep ok, and have you thought about looking at care homes even though you may not want to consider it yet? Nobody wants to put their elders in a home but if it means it prevents you getting ill and are able to cope better mull it over a while and get your head round it.

Does your mum get attendance allowance as this could pay for her to have carers in to help you, even if it's not carers role maybe a cleaner to help you out? Have you been in touch with your local carers group, they often are supportive and you can take her with you so you both get a break.

Her anxiety when you leave her, this shows by her being moody upon your return, will increase as she gets worse, and sometimes the sufferer will follow you from room to room and you're never allowed any privacy. Try and speak to social services so that you are on their radar before you really need them ie when an emergency ever happens, hopefully it won't.
Try not to forget your sister in all this and she is one person who will understand your concerns etc but remember you need to look out and after yourself so that you can help your mum and sister, so speak to your GP ASAP. Hope you have a good day tomorrow, and keep in touch.

 

[Pickles53]

Welcome to TP and I hope you find it as helpful as I have.

The other things to look into, if you don't already have them in place, are Lasting Power of Attorney for both your mum's finances and health/welfare. Not sure what Cyprus law is or indeed if you would fall under British law, but there must be an equivalent to the British LPA.

It may seem a hassle to do all this, but it really is worth investing the time and effort to do these early on; it really will make things easier later.