Things that help in some way

Which ones work for you?

  • Television programmes

    Votes: 39 21.2%
  • Music

    Votes: 76 41.3%
  • Special foods

    Votes: 38 20.7%
  • Special drinks

    Votes: 20 10.9%
  • Conversation

    Votes: 104 56.5%
  • Physical contact

    Votes: 72 39.1%
  • Group activities

    Votes: 22 12.0%
  • Books/magazines

    Votes: 23 12.5%
  • Gardening

    Votes: 32 17.4%

  • Total voters
    184

Nellie D

Registered User
Dec 4, 2008
10
0
I'm new on here too...I care for my M in Law..she has lived in a granny flat attched to our house for 2 i/2 yaers...she developed dementia when we went away for the weekend..she didn't eat and went into a diabetic coma..whenshe woke up...vascular demantia..mind you it took a few months for a diagnosis...i kept telling them in the hopstial that she wasn't 'herself' but they weren't interested...anyway...the dementia is well and truly here to stay. it's had a massive effect on all of us..not least my 10 year old daughter. She's had to have a bit odf counselling to help as she's been feeling quite rejected as I'vbe had to spend so much time with my M in Law. Initially there was no way i would consider her going in a home..but things have got so bad for me )in my brain..that I wouldn't have aminures hesitation...well..almost. Last week she was playing up with her food (I think she uses it for attention) and my husband said that if she didn't eat she'd have to go in a home and they wouldn't cater for her as I do. She said'well I won't eat'..my husband said 'well you could die' and she said 'yes I know'....so that makes us feel guilty..but her condition is affecting all of us.....we are sort of stuck between ' a rock and a hard place'!!!
 

Margarita

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
10,824
0
london
Last week she was playing up with her food (I think she uses it for attention)


Its not attention seeking ,I use to think that also . Really its Just a symptom of the dementia .

My mother can get into a mood that she does not want her dinner, just look at it move it around the plate. So now what I do, as I give her dinner. I just tell her she if she does not want it don’t worry just eat what you like . Sometime she just says she does not want it . So I just leave it in frount of her telling her " eat it when your ready , don't worry " . Other time I just cover it, when she ready she ask me for it .



my husband said that if she didn't eat she'd have to go in a home and they wouldn't cater for her as I do. She said'well I won't eat'..my husband said 'well you could die' and she said 'yes I know'....so that makes us feel guilty..but her condition is affecting all of us.....we are sort of stuck between ' a rock and a hard place'!!!

It’s so easy to use blackmail I've done it also in the pass , when in a situation of not seeing my mother eat the food many other situation . I found blackmail just did not work only left me feeling bad, because it just made my stres levels go up down like a yo yo . So I learn other ways to handel the situations .

I do hope you take respite care so your husband and yourself have time out together just for the both of you.
 
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