Things that help in some way

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Resources' started by Brucie, May 22, 2004.


Which ones work for you?

  1. Television programmes

    39 vote(s)
  2. Music

    76 vote(s)
  3. Special foods

    38 vote(s)
  4. Special drinks

    20 vote(s)
  5. Conversation

    104 vote(s)
  6. Physical contact

    72 vote(s)
  7. Group activities

    22 vote(s)
  8. Books/magazines

    23 vote(s)
  9. Gardening

    32 vote(s)
Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Absolutely not, Kate. You gave your mum a few hours of pleasure, and made her feel useful and appreciated. And you got your ironing done! That's win/win!:)

    I've just mentioned in another thread that one of our local homes has a kitchen where patients can cook, wash up, wash clothes, iron, whatever they want to -- under supervision of course. So you found an accepted therapy -- or rather, your mum found it for herself.

    Well done both!:)
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    I agree Kate.

    It must have made your mother feel really good to know she helped you. My husband gets `flashes` of usefulness too, and if he makes a meal, which was one of his old and finest skills, he`s delighted.

    If your mother gets stuck for something to do, tell her she can come and do my ironing anytime. It`s my worst chore.:)

    Don`t feel guilty for letting her feel useful.

    Love xx
  3. CHESS

    CHESS Registered User

    May 14, 2006
    My Mum and I live together and ironing is one of the few household tasks she can still do. I have to do the washing now; my Mum wouldn't have a clue. She will hang the washing out on the line (about four pegs per towel!) and can't wait to bring them in so that she can iron them. They are usually brought back in within the hour, sometimes still very wet. I have now got used to wearing trousers with lovely creases down the SIDES of them and even get my knickers and dishcloths ironed!!!

    My Mum, too, loves sweeping the garden, clearing the leaves.

    Saving the best till last - my dog is a real Godsend. After our last dog died, my Mum didn't want another, saying that, if I got one, she was having nothing to do with it. Of course, once she saw her, that was it - smitten! Whenever I am out with my dog now, my Mum has to come as well. This means at least two good walks a day for my Mum, totalling about ninety minutes. My dog attracts quite a lot of attention, which my Mum loves. She will tell people all day long, "You can't have her"! My Mum loves watching her play with other dogs, pinching the socks out of her wellies, or any of the many hankies from under her pillow. She really keeps my Mum entertained. If my Mum is ever in a bit of a mood, or not feeling her best, I'll whisper in my dog's ear to "go and give Grandma a big, slobbery kiss" and, sure enough, she goes right up to her, tail wagging, sticking her face right in front of my Mum's. My Mum is absolutely delighted with this. My dog is a registered PAT (Pets as Therapy) dog and, although I am no longer able to take her on visits to other establishments (we used to visit our local hospice and a day-care centre), she is the best therapy there could ever be, not only for my Mum, for me as well. I really don't know what I would do without her. My sister , most weeks, will take my Mum out for lunch and a bit of shopping. My big treat is using the time to be out for a good couple of hours, taking my dog to places my Mum couldn't manage. This is what really helps me to stay sane, thereby enabling me to be there for my Mum without getting too stressed-out (did I really say that!).
  4. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    Birmingham Hades
    Hi Chess
    what a great help these dogs are.
    Guide dogs,deaf dogs,sniffer dogs,your help dog.
    I wonder how many types of help dogs do proivde?
  5. joamar32

    joamar32 Registered User

    Feb 3, 2007
    Hi all! First time I've posted, as feeling low. Looks as if it going to be a bad day. Been reading these posts (and voted), but one question has been answered thru reading. I was considering returning our rescue dog - a gorgeous black/tan spaniel - because hubby doesn't realise he (the dog) can't be allowed to eat dishcloths and other unsuitable things. But hubby loves him lots and is still able to take him for a walk, and meet other folk who chat to him. He never remembers what they say, apart from the fact they admire the dog. This alone, coupled with the things mentioned on this thread, is making me wonder if I will be hastening the decline of OH if I take dog back to kennels?
  6. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Welcome to TP Joamar, so sorry you`re feeling low.

    I can`t really answer your query about returning the dog, although even I know dishcloths and other rubbish can`t do it any good, but if it means so much to your husband, and gets him out of the house independently, I feel it is a risk worth taking.

    If you do return the dog to the kennels, your husband would probably miss it very much.

    When you feel low, please join the Support Thread. There is always someone there to off load to and I`m sure you`ll receive a lot of support.

    Take care xx
  7. joamar32

    joamar32 Registered User

    Feb 3, 2007
    Thanks, Sylvia, for your reply. I'm still finding my way around the board, and haven't yet found the support thread. No doubt I'll come across it!
  8. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    near London
  9. retep

    retep Registered User

    Dec 6, 2007
    Something that helps

    I find that silly, childish, playing helps Pete as well as myself. We often end up breathless with laughter. Things like patting a balloon or trying to grab hold of each other's thumbs. Goodness knows we need such moments because my heart is breaking.
  10. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    near London
    Hello retep

    welcome to Talking Point!

    Yes, anything that helps, anything that works, no matter what - that is what makes things bearable as time goes on.

    I hope you find this forum helpful.
  11. Mameeskye

    Mameeskye Registered User

    Aug 9, 2007
    Hi Bruce

    Mum's Dog, my dog. These have always helped interaction in the home with Mum and most of the other residents. In fact after 4 years my dog knows her way about, gets a water bowl, the staff (and Residents) feed her biscuits and she is allowed as a hoover in the evening to the floor under the chairs!!!!!

    Books/magazines and TV have not rated very highly but I found that using these to promote conversation worked well. Eg picture books of Britain from the air, TV progs about animals (look at that one, isn't it cute) and celebrity mags with bright pictures and silly dressed (after all my Mum always like a gossip :rolleyes:) were useful as tools to help keep conversation going when nothing could be remembered more than 5 minutes.

    Now we have no conversations :( and it is touch and special foods eg chocolate buttons that help.

  12. kiytyn

    kiytyn Registered User

    Mar 7, 2008
    ramsey, isle of man
    mum greatest loss as a result of her dementia was her car. with is went independence and freedom. she loves going for drives with me. in this one to one situation, more people tend to be confusing, we can chat about allsorts.
  13. madala

    madala Registered User

    Aug 15, 2006
    south wales
    Aid S To Help

    [I bought my wife Kath a book of chidrens nursery rhymes about 6 months ago , it has worked wonders she sits and reads it with myself and the xroads carers and will pick it up her self and read or sing she sometimes makes mistakes with the words but what does it matter Another thing that helps is a small cuddly Teddy bear which she talks too and makes a fuss of which calms her down if she gets agitated.Best wishes to all Madala:)SIZE="4"]I[/SIZE]
  14. Dibaker

    Dibaker Registered User

    Mar 30, 2008
    Charente France
    Very new person


    My name is Di. This is my first post and I am not sure how things work. I am also not sure if my husband has dementia but on an hourly basis I am coming more to this conclusion. Everything I have read points that way and I am finding it harder and harder to cope on a daily basis.

    I do not live in my native country so this adds to the disorientation for me and I am sure for my husband.

    I have read all posts with interest and will continue to do so. I am very pleased to have found somewhere that I can admit to the senses I have around this subject.

    I would be pleased to receive a word from anyone at whatever stage they are in this process.

    Thank you.

    Di :)
  15. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Hello Di, welcome to Talking Point [TP].

    Have you had any medical advice about your husband? This should be a priority , in case he can be helped.

    I understand how you must feel living abroad. I have friends who have recently moved to France, the husband is showing signs of ageing, some memory loss and slowing down, and my friend is now wondering if they have done the right thing.

    I hope you will find the support you need here. It has been a great help to so many.

    But if your husband does have dementia, you will need medical imput too.

    Take care and keep posting.

    Love xx
  16. Kate P

    Kate P Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    I've always felt a little "helpless" on this thread because we've never really found anything that helped mum. However, we may have had a break through...

    My hubby bought me a swing garden chair last week and mum came round on Sunday and sat in it with me. She actually smiled and sat still in it with me for a good 15 minutes - we only went in because it rained. Dad's decided to get one to see if it helps her to sit down and be calm - I think maybe it's the rocking movement that's soothing to her - fingers crossed!
  17. Kate P

    Kate P Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    #57 Kate P, May 15, 2008
    Last edited: May 15, 2008
    Well, we've had a further break through on the swing chair front. Today mum sat in it with me for three hours and laughed and smiled!!

    Admitedly I felt rather nauseous having swung for three hours but what a result - the best we've managed in the last six months is about 40 minutes and that's with the TV to distract her.

    Let's hope it can continue - although dad will have to buy one for himself - I'm sat still now but still feel like I'm moving - I can't manage another three hours!!:eek:
  18. terry999

    terry999 Registered User

    Mar 27, 2008
    This can be a side effect of medication. Doctor asked me if this had happened with my mum. w.r.t anti-psycotic drug she is taking.

    I'm glad your wife enjoys the garden, its good in that you have an activity you Both enjoy.
  19. daisy2468

    daisy2468 Registered User

    Jun 26, 2008
    My lovely mum listens to classical music and paints. She also enjoys hugs and loving words. I read to her, old familiar books. She is child like in her appreciation. She is usually absorbed in the story although she will not remember it the next day. She will walk in the park with me holding her hand. She likes gentleness and soft words and recoils at any aggression.
    She likes it when I brush her hair and put make up on her, she likes attention. She needs attention all the time and I give it to her with love.
  20. lance javier

    lance javier Registered User

    Jul 22, 2008


    i'm just new here! been a caregiver for (3) years and its good to have support from others who have similar experiences!!!

    my Mom used to love to take care of plants and our garden. . but she loves to read magazines and newspapers, so we make sure we have plenty to keep her occupied and busy!!!

    keeping in touch!!! God bless and thank you!:)

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