Things I wish I had known

[Cazcaz]

Hi

I have been chatting to people lately, both in TP and outside, and one thing I heard a few times is “I wish I’d known about…..earlier” or “if I had been told…. I wouldn’t have…..”.

So I was wondering if members would be willing to put down their own “if only”s on here? It could be helpful to a lot of people (myself included, I’m sure) to read in one thread other members’ advice on things it’s good to know about early on, the good and/or bad resources out there or things no one will tell you but you found out for yourself that others might find useful.

Any thoughts?

 

[Grannie G]

If only I`d remembered he couldn`t help it, every time his behaviour was challenging.

If only I`d accepted help earlier.

 

[kindred]

Lovely idea. If only I had known that a nursing home was a healthy alternative to suffering hell as a sole carer, living in the dark hole of unkindness and social rejection. The district nurses told me to ignore the social workers and look into nursing care. We had such a happy two years together when my husband went into care. The home was wonderful.

 

[Bunpoots]

If only I’d found Talking Point earlier…

We’d already had three PWD in the family before I stumbled across it about 6 months after my dad’s diagnosis.

 

[Jessbow]

I wish I had known that people that were not doing the caring didnt get to judge or tell me how to do things.
I wish i'd have said ''Crack on then'' more times ( I never did)

 

[Violet Jane]

I wish I'd known - and therefore been prepared for - the family tensions and divisions which arise from dealing with a family member suffering from dementia. Sadly, this appears to be very common.

 

[At home]

I wish I’d known that relatively early on, and without warning, my PWD would unknowingly wet the bed. I would have protected the mattress sooner!

 

[lynda2012]

If only I’d found Talking Point earlier…

We’d already had three PWD in the family before I stumbled across it about 6 months after my dad’s diagnosis.

Can i ask what PWD means please?

 

[At home]

Can i ask what PWD means please?

Sorry, it’s ‘person with dementia’

 

[wanderer22]

I wish I had know what was wrong with my mum sooner.
I wish I had found talking point sooner.
I wish I had known it was ok to NOT BE OK before I had a breakdown trying to cope at 3am.
I wish my family had accepted sooner that mum was so ill, she was early 60s and they didn't believe me.
I wish I had gone to social services sooner.
I WISH MY MUM WAS STILL HERE.

 

[Haziebear]

The person is always there in your heart and your happy memories.

 

[sheels]

I'm glad somebody told me about a book called 'Contented Dementia' It made dealing with difficult situations alot easier.

 

[sunflowerfina]

Hi

I have been chatting to people lately, both in TP and outside, and one thing I heard a few times is “I wish I’d known about…..earlier” or “if I had been told…. I wouldn’t have…..”.

So I was wondering if members would be willing to put down their own “if only”s on here? It could be helpful to a lot of people (myself included, I’m sure) to read in one thread other members’ advice on things it’s good to know about early on, the good and/or bad resources out there or things no one will tell you but you found out for yourself that others might find useful.

Any thoughts?

If only I could accept she has dementia,
If only I stop being angry
If only I could accept she needs help
If only I can cry
If only I could face my fears of being alone
If only I could stop being guilty
If only I can accept the situation
If only I can forgive sooner
If only

 

[canary]

I wish I had known that you didnt have to use a solicitor to get POA and how important it was to get it.
Mum absolutely refused to go to a solicitor, but I might have been able to get POA with her at home on a good day.
Unfortunately I eventually had to apply for deputyship which was a right faff.

 

[Rusty26]

Wished I’d known staying Calm and not correcting her reality was the easiest way to make a bad day a good day or at least better. I look after mum 4 days a week for 6 hours while my sister works in spare room. One of the best things I wished we’d all known was that bringing my slightly insane puppy with me every time would bring some laughter and happiness to us all. Although I could do without having to google “is ice cream dangerous to dogs” after catching mum letting the dog lick her bowl out. (BTW I do have two other dogs which is too much dog even for my mum)

 

[blackwood77]

The person is always there in your heart and your happy memories.

How very true - and lovely, thanks for reminding us of this!

 

[blackwood77]

I wish I had known that you didnt have to use a solicitor to get POA and how important it was to get it.
Mum absolutely refused to go to a solicitor, but I might have been able to get POA with her at home on a good day.
Unfortunately I eventually had to apply for deputyship which was a right faff.

Me too, I was lucky that my daughter helped a lot but it was still a "right faff"!!!

 

[blackwood77]

If only I could accept she has dementia,
If only I stop being angry
If only I could accept she needs help
If only I can cry
If only I could face my fears of being alone
If only I could stop being guilty
If only I can accept the situation
If only I can forgive sooner
If only

Would take a saint to do all this We are merely humans why Do try....but as you finish...."if only"

 

[CAREME]

I wish I'd known - and therefore been prepared for - the family tensions and divisions which arise from dealing with a family member suffering from dementia. Sadly, this appears to be very common.

Unfortunately it is common and It makes dealing with the PWD harder. All I can say is you need to ensure you communicate with family and voice your needs especially if you are a carer. There is a post further up saying ‘crack on then’ and I am finally saying it more and more

 

[CAREME]

I wish I had known that people that were not doing the caring didnt get to judge or tell me how to do things.
I wish i'd have said ''Crack on then'' more times ( I never did)

Amen! I definitely am finding my voice now rather than keeping or at least trying to keep the peace.