Things have changed

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Talking Point' started by Basset81, Jun 10, 2018.

  1. Basset81

    Basset81 Registered User

    Apr 2, 2018
    48
    #1 Basset81, Jun 10, 2018
    Last edited: Jun 10, 2018
    Hello everyone

    I haven't posted on here for sometime. Things have changed with my mum. She started wandering on 1st of April. This had never happened before. On the first two occasions she was found by members of the public by my old primary school and dad went to collect her. After that dad started following her at a distance. She gradually went further and further. Dad had to stop following her because of rheumatoid arthritis in his knees.
    The wandering became a daily occurrence. People were bringing her back on a daily basis or ringing us up to come and fetch her. On one occasion she even got into a stranger's car without a second thought. Fortunately she was brought back safely.
    I was so concerned that I contacted social services who told me to ring the police after two hours if she didn't come back. We've had to do this on three occasions. The police have referred her to social services.
    We now have a wonderful social worker. She is horrified by the extent of the wandering to such an extent that both she and the police have advised that we lock the door from 3.30pm and if mum tries to get out to call the police. The social worker is arranging respite urgently. Mum has been found not to have capacity to make decisions re her health. Dad and I are also virtually housebound as well now because mum has lost her keys so we can't go out and leave her. I am physically disabled so I am unable to go out alone. Mum is undergoing assessments by the social worker and has been re-referred to the memory clinic. We have only known the social worker a week and things are already progressing.
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    66,404
    Kent
    Thank goodness you have a good social worker @Basset81.

    My husband was a wanderer and I used to follow him too. It`s a horrendous situation because I was so frightened in case he would cause a road traffic accident and involve some innocent driver.

    It`s good to know progress is being made. You and your dad can`t remain housebound indefinitely.
     
  3. Basset81

    Basset81 Registered User

    Apr 2, 2018
    48
    Hello yes we are very lucky with the social worker. We do feel better now she's involved. She said that when mum goes for respite she will be assessed in more detail
     
  4. LynneMcV

    LynneMcV Volunteer Moderator

    May 9, 2012
    2,865
    south-east London
    I am so glad you have got help and that the new social worker is getting things done so that you as a family are not left to flounder.

    My husband was never a wanderer as such - he would leave the house with the specific intention of going for a walk, usually with a destination in mind but I remember how worried I was once he started to lose his sense of direction and I would get calls from people who had found him - or strangers would bring him home.

    It only happened about four times and then I stepped in. I was very lucky in many ways because I was fit enough to go for regular walks with him and he was always happy to have me along and we would hold hands as we walked. I am glad we held hands all the time, although extremely rare, there were a two or three of occasions when he would have walked out into the road without looking, including busy roads.

    In time, if your mum is accepting, you might be able to arrange for someone (carer or befriender) to accompany your mum on a walk on a regular basis.

    For now though, the right steps are being put in place by the social worker and I hope you get that much needed respite soon.
     
  5. Basset81

    Basset81 Registered User

    Apr 2, 2018
    48
    Hello thank you very much for your kind reply. The respite cannot come soon enough.
     
  6. Hazara8

    Hazara8 Registered User

    Apr 6, 2015
    353
    I do hope that things continue to run smoothly for you all. Having a 'wonderful social worker' is a major plus. Respite and ongoing Care CAN prove to be very positive, despite the nature of this complex problem, dementia. Thank you for sharing your story on TP. For many, this remains a very valuable outlet for expression and the receiving of encouraging 'truths', related to dementia world.
     
  7. Basset81

    Basset81 Registered User

    Apr 2, 2018
    48
    H
    Hello thank you for your kind reply. There is one thing that worries me: What happens if mum refuses respite? The GP says that she doesn't have capacity to make decisions about her health and the social worker says she must go. Any thoughts would be appreciated from anyone here
     
  8. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    1,222
    Hello and all sympathy. Has the social worker signed a best interest statement (she may not have done). Anyway, if she has to go, then it's time for some imaginative persuasion as it will be in her best interests, statement to that effect or not. All good luck with it.
     
  9. Basset81

    Basset81 Registered User

    Apr 2, 2018
    48
    Hello, thank you very much for that. The social worker is visiting on Thursday to do another part of her assessment. I will make sure that we ask her then. Very grateful for reply. It has put my mind at rest.
     
  10. Hazara8

    Hazara8 Registered User

    Apr 6, 2015
    353
    When someone has capacity, they are able to discuss with you, the GP and the Social Worker what is going to be the eventual decision with regard to Care. If you hold POA, in this case, where your mother has been assessed as no longer having capacity, this can be helpful in the decision-making process, as you act on their behalf. The Social Worker is the key figure in all of this when it comes to the actual assessment. They look to 'best interests' and it appears that you are happy with things so far on that front. As to 'refusal' in respect of your mother's respite, sometimes it is better not to presuppose an outcome, as it might well be the case that she takes to it come the day. One can never really tell. But as you will know your mother better than anyone else, you might then be able to handle this with that knowledge and gently move her towards the idea without it sounding like something 'out of the blue'. If this feels daunting, then the GP can be a very useful advocate. He or she can speak to your mother in the way of practitioner to patient and provide good reasons for 'respite' as say, when advising on medications.

    What is clear here, is the fact that respite as a preliminary is both relevant and in 'best interests' from all you say. It is, however, an exceedingly hard choice, a kind of Hobson's choice, for the carer, or the child of a mother who requires proper and continuing care. This radical move from home, from the normality of daily life we all enjoy and take much for granted, due to a particularly complex disease, is a major one and thus never easy. Bu respite should afford time to assess a given Care Home and your mother's reaction to it - something again which is never assumed nor predicted, until it happens. Keep posting as you think fit, as there are many folk out here treading a very similar path and every story coming from the root of care, i.e. the Carer, has considerable value in this dementia arena.
     
  11. Basset81

    Basset81 Registered User

    Apr 2, 2018
    48
    Hello thank you very much for your kind and thoughtful reply. We are literally only just starting on the road of respite, lacking capacity etc. Thank you for your advice regarding respite refusal. My problem is that I am by nature a worrier, especially knowing that mum can be very difficult. Yes you are quite correct, the social worker is the key and we are lucky in that respect. I will post my journey on here. Thank you to all that have replied to me today. It's a great comfort. Good luck to all on this forum.
     
  12. Hazara8

    Hazara8 Registered User

    Apr 6, 2015
    353
    And warmest wishes to you and your mother on that particular journey.
     
  13. Basset81

    Basset81 Registered User

    Apr 2, 2018
    48
    Good morning to all. Things are moving rapidly here. We now have a fantastic CPN. It has been judged by the GP, social worker and CPN that mum doesn't have capacity. We have been spared a re-referral to the memory clinic as mum had a diagnosis of Alzheimer's in August 2016. Everyone is moving as fast as possible to find a placement for mum permanently as she has such an urge to wander. The door now has to be locked 24/7. She is now on medication to calm her down and it's helped somewhat. She can now only go out with dad. Everyone is shocked by the speed of decline. She has not and does not have any infections. We are seeing changes on an almost weekly basis
     
  14. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    56,655
    Female
    Dundee
    I'm sorry to hear of your mum's rapid decline @Basset81. I hope a placement is found soon. I'm glad you have a supportive CPN.
     
  15. Basset81

    Basset81 Registered User

    Apr 2, 2018
    48
    Hello thank you very much. We have been very lucky regarding professional help. I am keeping my fingers crossed that a placement is found soon because it's becoming very hard even with the medication. I would love to be able to go out again. I can't go out alone due to my disability. I know that everyone is doing their best and we can't ask for more than that.
     
  16. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    1,222
    May I join? Just to say about wandering. Just found out that in my husband's very good nursing home, many of the residents wander about all night in the lounge and dining areas, supervised by the carers. Never realised this. The carers and nurses regard it as normal for dementia! So places exist that are very geared up to the wandering! Gx
     
  17. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    3,275
    Kent
    Dad was a night time pacer and would have been a wanderer if I had left him alone which I didn't in the 10 months prior to NH. Dad continued his compulsion to walk at night around the corridors and communal areas often settling for very brief snatches of sleep in a chair. 3 or 4 others did the same. Quite common for some with dementia. Dad never lost the compulsion to walk..to be somewhere..even as his mobility slowed..until end of life.
     
  18. Basset81

    Basset81 Registered User

    Apr 2, 2018
    48
    Hello thank you very much for your kind words. It's a great comfort. I will keep the forum updated.
     
  19. Basset81

    Basset81 Registered User

    Apr 2, 2018
    48
    Hello thank you very much for your kind words. It's a great comfort.
     

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