Things are moving!


Registered User
Apr 30, 2006
At last I've finally got my a*s into gear and getting things done!!!

over the last two weeks i've had a couple of visits from SS....and i am happy because she seems to really know her stuff!
She's advised me to make my own enquiries re respite as if I do it through them then the fees for mum work out at about £100 more in a council run place...
She's given me names of some homes that she knows about....
Told me if I need any help eg asking the Manager to call round to see me (rather than leave mum on her own) she can help with that....
Put mum on the waiting list for a daycare place...
Offered me help to do household chores...(not the SW personally!!)/direct payments

I seem to have struck very lucky again....first my GP was so helpful when mum first moved in and now i have a lovely social worker:) I've arranged to visit some places on Friday and Saturday...
Evidently if I find somewhere I think will be good then mum can gradually build up a relationship there....they may take her for a day,then an overnight stay,then a few days and so on...then if it comes to it at some future point....permanently...

Gosh I feel quite good!

When I visit is there any advice from some of you old hands:)) ) on what to ask/what to look for....I've already looked at their most recent inspection reports..


Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
Well done!
What to look out for? Does the place smell? Are they happy to let you visit on spec? Is it secure (if mum is a wanderer)? Do the staff seem happy? Try and talk to other relatives - are they happy with the care, do they have any concerns? How would they deal with...(any of mum's little idiosyncrysies)?
Well that's a start. I'm sure others will have lots of ideas.
Love Helen.

Tender Face

Account Closed
Mar 14, 2006
NW England
Hiya Wendy!

Good news (if anything can be called that in these circumstances?)... glad you're feeling so positive..... I just got the referral call today from the Carers' Outreach Service (promised xxxx? months ago?) ... meet with the co-ordinator in a couple of weeks, then a home visit with mum and me together at her home...... doesn't it just feel good knowing someone's 'on our side'?????..... don't know what's to come.... but oh, to have someone acknowledge the needs of the carer, too..... there ARE some guardian angels out there!!!!! .... sorry... others will help you better than me on your specific circumstance, I know.......

Love for now, Karen (TF), x


Registered User
May 20, 2006
North East
Hi Wendy

Glad to hear that you're getting some help - I have to say that we found the Social Workers helpful as well .

I would just say, try and visit the home on a couple of occassions, at different times. Do the staff and residents seem happy? Do the staff seem to get on well - if they don't seem to like each other, there's little chance they're going to like the residents!

I also go with what Helen said - does it smell!? Very important!

Also, do the restaurants look clean

We were lucky to get mum into a new home, so it is very light and airy, no smells, and she has her own toilet.

Hope you find something that she'll settle well into and will enjoy going there.



Registered User
Mar 13, 2006
hi mel,

no advice really havent come to that stage yet with mum, just wanted to say im glad things are going the right way for you, im sure i'll be getting some advice off you in the near future, on the same subject:)
take care x


Registered User
Feb 22, 2006
sort of north east ish
mel said:
When I visit is there any advice from some of you old hands:)) ) on what to ask/what to look for....I've already looked at their most recent inspection reports..
So glad to hear things are working out well for you Wendy. To the list of things other people have suggested, I'd add:

how easy is the place for you to get to? it might not matter for respite, but if you're thinking about permanent care eventually ...... how easy would it be to be going every day/ ever few days?

similarly - how easy is it for anyone else to get to? your mum's friends, other family etc.

can you talk to the staff? are they the kind of people you could go to and question about your mum's medication, the bruise on her head, her missing slippers, her paranoid anxieties that staff have been beating up residents and trying to set the home on fire etc etc

how pleasant and comfortable do you find the place? you might be spending a lot of time there eventually :( [one thing i really really wish there was in dad's home is a relatives kitchen ...... somewhere I could make myself a drink. I visit straight from work, a long day and a long drive and I could do with a cup of tea when I get there]

oh, and, it wouldn't hurt to search for the place on Sheffield Forum website and/or start your own thread to ask if anyone has any info about the different places.

happy hunting.


Registered User
Oct 27, 2005
north-east england
care home

Hi Mel, in my experience try and notice the interaction between staff, residents and visitors u will i promise get a gut feeling is this the right place? Shauny.


Registered User
May 14, 2006
My Mum loves animals, particularly dogs, and we were very pleased that the staff at her NH actively encouraged us to bring our two Golden Retrievers into see her. She really enjoys their visits and it gives her a great boost. If I'm on my own, then I just take one at a time. Quite a few dogs go to the NH and the residents make a great fuss of them. I think it is a good thing if homes encourage relatives to take in the family dog, as some people may find it easier to talk to the dog than to other humans.


Registered User
Jul 15, 2005
We just placed Mom in a home on Monday and it was awful finding a place that was nice and took Medicaid (US).
I also go with what Helen said - does it smell!? Very important!
I can't say enough about this opinion!! Use your nose, if there are bad smells it means the residents aren't being washed, changed, toileted enough and/or the bedding is only being changed when it is reeking and soiled. That will also mean infections, etc. I also looked to see if residents were parked in wheel chairs and left without interaction in the hallways. Does the food smell good,is the dining hall clean? Be sure to stay for a meal to see if it is edible. Meet all the nurses and staff and pop in a irregular times. Are you allowed to take them out for while? Visit anytime? Check the activity calendar and can they participate,. How often are they toileted & bathed. Can they use the phone, allowed personal decorations, is there a beautician onsite, are there religious services?
Read their policy and check their ratings.
I made a list and went over each of these things in my visits to homes. If it feels wrong in your gut, even if it is a pretty place, pass on it! I discovered ,at least in the US, that just because a home is shiney and has nice furniture and cost a fortune, didn't make it a good place.
Good luck in your search!


Registered User
Apr 30, 2006
thanks so much for all your advice.....can't say I'm looking forward to it much though.....thats just me....I have to get my brain sorted.....but why oh why do i feel so selfish????!!! After all I'm doing this for me not mum who's at my mercy in this but me!:(


Registered User
Jul 15, 2005
That is exactly right Mel, and it is ok. I too am only thinking about me and what this is doing to me. I'm feeling bad for what I'm loosing and that is why I hate that she is in a home and not down the street where she can participate in my daily life. I hate that she has to spend the rest of her life in a nursing home but know that is where she can get 24/7 care.
It is hard, that is all there is to it. I hope it goes well for you!

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