Take care
Dear Helena,
When my Mum was living by herself at home, she was the sweetest possible, little old lady to her neighbours and friends. She had a cleaning lady in once a week to hoover round, but she wouldn't let her get on with the work, because she liked her to sit outside on the swingseat and have a chat. I f I went round later on, she'd be upset about some little thing or need a job doing which could easily have been done by the cleaner.
She had a gardener, but would never think to ask him to spray the roses or prune an overhanging bush. I'd get that job, when I was in a hurry to get home to be ready for work. I kept asking her to jot down jobs, so the next person in the house could see to it eg. replacing a lightbulb only takes a minute if you're there, but half an hour if you need to drive over especially.
I don't think she liked asking people for help, even when she was paying them, but she didn't mind asking me, because I was her daughter. She wouldn't grumble or behave in a difficult way to other people, but she could be very awkward towards me.
It is very annoying when elderly relatives can't organise themselves to ask for help at an appropriate time. However, they can't help being old and mentally impaired. Looking back now, it would be nice to walk Mum round the supermarket, or have her over for lunch, or even help her in the garden. Now Mum is in the NH, I don't have the hassle of doing jobs for her but I don't have the Mum I used to have, who used to come out with me to the shops or social gatherings.
This morning Mum said that she wished she could finish now, meaning that life didn't have much to offer her. That made me feel more sad than when she was crying continually for months.