1. perfectpatience

    perfectpatience Registered User

    Oct 3, 2006
    As the evenings get darker so does my world. My mother has had another fall (this time in the bathroom at the care home) and has cut her head. She was admitted to hospital but returned later in the day. She now is constantly in a wheel chair...all bent over to one side (what causes this I wonder...she is so bent over to one side..she can hardly eat or drink) I came back last night from visiting her and feel so down. Who do I turn to? No one seems to tell me anything at the care home...its all normal to them...yet no medical advice can be given. Is she just giving up? What can I do? I have thought of physically picking her up and taking her home....even for a few days to see if she picks up. I know she doesn't like it at the home...but I'm sure shes too out of it to know now. If I insisted she went to hospital (is it dehydration again?) They just give her the drip...a few more tests and pulling about....say shes medically ok and send her back to the home. To me last night she looked so poorly. Shes lost so much weight. Does anyone else have similiar experiences with their mum/dad? I would be grateful of any advice.....how long can this all go on for? I feel so much for my mum...and cant stand to see her like this. PP xx
  2. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    near London
    Hi perfectpatience,
    you will find some previous posts on this subject at http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/talkingpoint/discuss/showthread.php?t=3923&highlight=listing
    Have you spoken to the manager of the care home? Are they approachable? Has your mother been assigned a new GP at the home?

    I have ensured that I am in very regular conversation with the manager of my wife's home, and the staff, and especially with the GP who visits the home on a weekly basis. Finally, and if necessary, also with her consultant.

    I am telephoned if there is the slightest incident involving Jan, and we discuss the circumstances and whether I should make an immediate visit. If I think of anything that might help Jan - or indeed any other resident at the home - I pass the information on to the staff.

    I do all I can to help the home as well - last week I donated the PC I replaced in the summer to them for staff training. It all helps in making us all a team, and it helps the whole process.
    Try to talk to the doctor or the nursing person at the home and discuss this. I have found hospitals and their staff absolutely ill-equipped for sick people with dementia, so I only think they are good in extremis.

    After a fall, it can take someone quite a while to get back on their feet. People with dementia have poor confidence in their bodies anyway. Normally staff will try to encourage them to walk if they possibly can.

    How long has your Mum been at the home? When Jan first went to her home her weight was very low for several months and then she settled and has since eaten very well. Her weight is now acceptable.

    My main recommendation? See the manager at the home and make it clear that you are concerned, that you want to be as involved as possible in decisions on your mother's care. Try to establish that relationship.

    Best of luck
  3. perfectpatience

    perfectpatience Registered User

    Oct 3, 2006
    Thankyou Brucie for your advice and information regarding my mum and the bending to one side especially. Ive just been in touch with someone from the hospital who is going to see my mum today....she may have to be moved to another home which is more suitable for her needs I feel. Oh well... I guess its just plodding on....thankyou again. PP xx
  4. Lonestray

    Lonestray Registered User

    Aug 3, 2006
    Dark days

    Hi perfectpatience, I can feel your pain because I've been there more than three and a half years ago. My wife wouldn't eat and leaned to one side in the wheelchair. Like your Mom she had a fall after which it was all down hill from there. I asked her one day if she had given up, she indicated yes. Crying I put my arms around her and begged her to hang on. Like you say the staff like so many others accept this as the norm. As you were thinking, I started by taking her out for a day at a time, then over a weekend. Of course I had to buy a wheelchair and velcro straps to place around her legs and waist. The advantage of her been so far advanced made it's easier to care for her, just like a baby. Of course I don't recommend you take on the load, it's different in the cases of spouses some can't. I'm just fortunate to be blessed with being able to go it alone. I wish you well in what ever course you take. If it's any good I'll say a little prayer for you. Padraig
  5. perfectpatience

    perfectpatience Registered User

    Oct 3, 2006
    Thankyou so much for your reply Padraig. I felt alaot better reading about a similiar situation. Today I went to the home but mum is still leaning over.. she is in pain with her back. Getting fluids down her is so hard. I was visited later by a nurse from the hospital who informs me it might be her way of 'giving up'...and I must accept this. When I asked if she perhaps could have the drip...as Im sure she is dehydrated...she advised me it is not good for her to keep going into hospital to have fluids pumped into her. I can understand as I dont want her to suffer like this by being pulled about either. We came to the conclusion that the nurse will visit my mum every day this week...and if she gets worse she will be admitted to a rehabilitation hospital where she will be monitored. I will accept this...and then maybe she might need nursing care in a proper nursing home. Thankyou for your prayer. I think you are too doing a great job. God bless. PP xx
  6. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    So much suffering.
    I`m so sorry for all you`ve all been through. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all go away.
    You are all preparing me for what is to come. It`s heartbreaking.
    With Love Sylvia
  7. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    West Sussex
    I'm sorry you are going through such a bad time at the moment, but pleased the nurse will be seeing your Mum every day.

    Just one thought, is the pain in your Mum's caused by the fall or the fact she is leaning sideways?

    I wonder if it is worth just tucking her up in bed for part of the day and see if she is more comfortable.

    Also is she on medication to help reduce the pain?

  8. perfectpatience

    perfectpatience Registered User

    Oct 3, 2006
    No Kathleen I think the leaning on one side has just come on...and not anything to do with the fall. I say this as she was not leaning to one side until about three or four days after falling. Now her back is beginning to be uncomfortable where I think she is bent over so much. Yesterday I asked for a V pillow to support her neck as she looks so uncomfortable. On Friday I should know more on whether she might be admitted to the hospital or not. Thanks again for all your support...best wishes...PP xx

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