There's always someone worse off

Canadian Joanne

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Apr 8, 2005
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What a lively argumentative bunch! Imagine us sitting around with drinks! They'd have to call in the riot squad.

Norman, I didn't mean that other people's misfortunes make me feel better. It's more a putting things in perspective. I can get awfully caught up in myself & how cruel it is that my mother developed AD so young etc and get whiny & snivelly & trust me it's not a pretty sight. I have always felt that it is harder for the spouses than it is for the children, because we realize that our parents will go before us. That's why I feel so much for my friend whose daughter has AD.

TF, how am I gonna convince you??? I won't even try. People all have their up & down days. Don't forget - someone might look like they're coping but who knows.

What brought this to a head for me: Tuesday the front page of the Toronto
Star was about a one day wildcat strike of the subway & buses & it was all over the radio & TV & what a hardship blah blah blah. Monday the front page was 5,100 dead in Indonesia. Both same prominence. But what a difference!!! People were whining & going on about hard it was to get to work, how they couldn't get there & lost a day's pay - on and on and on the same old junk. Meanwhile, death and destruction in Indonesia & of course here they didn't give a rat's derriere because they were moaning about the transit.

When my mother was first diagnosed, I think I cried for the first 3 months. It's been over 5 years & I only have the weepies now & again. I've coped because I have no choice.

I guess saying worse off is the wrong term - I'm not sure what the right term would be.

Wendy, yes, I do obsess a lot about AD. I talk about it a lot - I'm a huge bore to most people. That's why I'm here & other AD places - places where people KNOW what I'm talking about.

Okay - what shall we squabble about next?
 

daughter

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Mar 16, 2005
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It's ok, you don't have to agree with this!

Okay - what shall we squabble about next?
Love it Jo!
Whatever we say here on TP (and life in general), for every person who is supportive and understands there is another who is in a different situation, copes differently or is currently in a different frame of mind.

So our posts will sometimes be pounced on and pulled apart, and even though this is completely understandable because of these differences, I have found this part difficult to deal with sometimes when posting. I then feel that I have to justify what I said, when all I really want is people to say "yes, yes, I agree with everything you say". Oh, and then I wake up in the real world! :)
 

Michael E

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Apr 14, 2005
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Ronda Spain
and they are coping and I'm not - then doesn't that make me feel worse - not better - about myself and my situation?

To put in my 2p worth I am not sure any of us are really coping - I think we are getting by - trying to survive....

I confess I do find 'comfort' (that really is not the right word) in the fact that other people seem to be having a worse/more demanding time than me... It makes me grateful that I am not in their place.

That more horrible place is probably different for each one of us but ....... Hells bells - it could be much worse! couldn't it? It can and will be worse but with a little help from our friends and a little luck we will get by.

Michael
 

mel

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Apr 30, 2006
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"Wendy, yes, I do obsess a lot about AD. I talk about it a lot - I'm a huge bore to most people. That's why I'm here & other AD places - places where people KNOW what I'm talking about"




hi Joanne
know what you mean....I can see myself in that position....seems to be my ONLY topic of conversation....!! I've told my friends NOT to ask me how mum is......cos it always starts me off on all she's done,saidetc etc....Leaves me with absolutely nothing else to talk about!!! Except maybe that my cat's got an abscess on his backside!!!
Wendy
x:rolleyes:
 

Amy

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Jan 4, 2006
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Hiya Hazel
So our posts will sometimes be pounced on and pulled apart, and even though this is completely understandable because of these differences, I have found this part difficult to deal with sometimes when posting. I then feel that I have to justify what I said, when all I really want is people to say "yes, yes, I agree with everything you say"
Reasons I sometimes want to pull another person's post apart:
1. I disagree with what they are saying and think its rubbish!!
2. I disagree with what they are saying, but can understand what might may them say it, but feel the other side of the story needs to be heard.
3. A comment they make challenges my behaviour and attitude, and instinctively I feel I have to defend my position. It takes time for me to adjust my thinking.
4. Sometimes I'm feeling bloody minded, have had a rotten day, managed not to scream at husband, kids, dad and then come on here and get a little shirty over some inoffensive comment (Straw and camels back, come to mind.)
I think we all try to be supportive, but sometimes we make mistakes. I am a strong believer in family: family as a place where you can make mistakes, but know that you will always be loved, accepted and forgiven. I apply the same principles here too. And in the same way as I know that there are times when I need to give a family member a wide berth (nautical term there eh Michael?!) because we are rubbing each other up the wrong way, there are times we have to do that on here; but if push comes to shove, we are here for each other.

Right, I'm finished.l
Love to all, Amy
 

Margarita

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Feb 17, 2006
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Rang Socail worker

Well seem that we are all gathered together & ended up all sleeping on my fount room floor, I speckle some positive energy all over you , while we all sleepy get up to see to our love one with a hang over from all the wine , why am I feeling like this because sharing my moaning about wanting to go on holiday with a few of you in another thread (fate) & them chatting sharing in hear (reading) I pluck up the courage to ring my social worker this morning thinking oh the hell :rolleyes: with it all she can say is No , she said what dates do you want to go on?,:eek: so SS is sorting it out ,finally going on a real break to Gibraltar on the 19 June .:cool: :)

Yes Daughter one thing we have to face with living with a love one with AD is reality, so telling mum again that she going in to a respite again was not to hard, because reality is not to hard if you face it right in the moment, mum seem & littlie apprehensive, but with a cuddly & telling her that she may see that young man she like in the care home, she was OK, well a littlie white lie, as mum may not go to the same place.

Mel Know what you mean ,when people ask about mum ,its like when you meet someone in the street & they say Hi how are you?, you really know that they do not want a whole story about you ,or other wish if you do the next time they try to avoid you when they see you , I always say thanks for asking yes mum fine , if I feel they want to talk I listen ,& then just add a few bits about mum .
In Gibraltar as its such a small place & we all know every one & we keep seeing the same people a lot, as we walk pass each other we do not say how are you ? we walk on & wave & say by , as we pass each other :) its only if we have not seen each other for a long while ,that we approach each other with a kiss on the cheek , & tell our story in what has happen in our lifes breathy (SP)

Have rumbled on:eek: better get going mum gone to day center , got to help my brother out with something & tidy this flat out TTFN

(All I feel like doing is chatching up with sleep )
 
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mel

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If you want any company on 19th June Margarita....I'm you're man!!!(well woman really)....You will have a great well earned break!:)
 

Margarita

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Feb 17, 2006
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Look like I made ONE mistake in telling mum to soon that she going to respite , she on about how she wants to stay at home ,telling me how she can cope alone at home ,she going on how she wants to pay someone to stay with her at home .I am not to worry she not stupid care home to far oh my god she just will not listen to my reasoning, I am not going to lose my temper with her , but wish she would shut up ,on, on telling me how & she going to organise it to stay at home ,now she got the paper reading horoscope in how the planets are going to help her & she can not even read it ,because she can not see the writing & she got glasses ok shall not go on anymore ,Just tell me how you all cope ,when you made a mistake , in telling someone to soon they are going to respite to soon , I am trying to sing in my mind as mum going on.


Oh mum just ask me what am I doing on the hear ,told her a while lie about talking to someone that does not want to marry the conversation change , now she back to it .
 

Margarita

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Feb 17, 2006
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london
Mel you can pop into my case :eek:

Look like I made ONE mistake in telling mum to soon that she going to respite , she on about how she wants to stay at home ,telling me how she can cope alone at home ,she going on how she wants to pay someone to stay with her at home .I am not to worry she not stupid care home to far oh my god she just will not listen to my reasoning, I am not going to lose my temper with her , but wish she would shut up ,on, on telling me how & she going to organise it to stay at home ,now she got the paper reading horoscope in how the planets are going to help her & she can not even read it ,because she can not see the writing & she got glasses ok shall not go on anymore ,Just tell me how you all cope ,when you made a mistake , in telling someone to soon they are going to respite to soon , I am trying to sing in my mind as mum going on.


Oh mum just ask me what am I doing on the hear ,told her a while lie about talking to someone that does not want to marry the conversation change , now she back to it .
 

Margarita

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Feb 17, 2006
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Its all ok sorry , for going on I realize mum not going to listen to reason , I should no better & be great full she does like to argue , as there come a time when she won’t :rolleyes:
 

Canadian Joanne

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Apr 8, 2005
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Margarita,
Lie to your mother & say something's come up & you've cancelled your trip. Then tell her the day before or even the day of if you have to that it's back on. I know it sounds mean & cruel but your mother is cognitively impaired now and you need to settle her down. Don't feel badly.

I love the "singing in your mind" bit. Yes, it's difficult listening to the same thing over & over - would make me want to run out in the street naked and screaming. I come by it honestly - my mother has run out of the bathroom at the nursing home yelling obscenities and naked except for a few suds. This was during her "I'm not getting bathed" stage. Ahh, the good old days.

Joanne
 

Amy

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Jan 4, 2006
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Hiya Margarita,
What a daftie!! You give really good advice to other people, then you make a daft mistake lie that!! Oh well, you won't do it again. How's mum doing now, has she changed the subject yet.
Now reread that article that you posted the other day, that had ideas about how to change the subject. Well, lets think about things you could do to divert your mum. Take her for a walk; bake a cake; give her small glass of wine and you have the rest of the bottle; go and have a bath; draw the curtains and pretend its bed time; buy yourself some ear plugs; sing loudly.
Hope you survive the evening.
Love Amy
 

Margarita

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Feb 17, 2006
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london
Take her for a walk; bake a cake; give her small glass of wine and you have the rest of the bottle; go and have a bath; draw the curtains and pretend its bed time; sing loudly
lol lol :)



I told her that when she was younger she use have lots of argument with dad yes she says “carol (my dad name) one day I was in the toilet & did big long farts now what that had to do with arguments is only for mum to know because she never said any more on it, and I told her that I am not going.

Mum ask me what I was doing on this again, so told her that I am reading about a woman that wants to go on holiday & her mum won’t let her , oh dear she says why not ? Because the mum does not want to go in a home, don’t blame her said mum, because …….. Lol

Then my daughter walks in front door our dog got in to a fight with another dog, it was our dog that went for the other dog , so mum forgot every thing & is worried about our dog & say oh ,oh & lay down to go to sleep ,wakes up & ask about the Cleo
.
buy yourself some ear plugs;
, but does not give 100 per cent Protection
So the morel , if there is one when your so happy & all is forgot about doing, saying ,the right thing, in the moment of time not only can you get pregnant, but you can also get a bad ear bashing from your mum :eek: So think ,before you talk :)
 

mel

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Apr 30, 2006
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:) :) :) :)
Oh Margarita....you really make me laugh...You've cheered me up no end!!!

I have the opposite problem....mum keeps asking over and over "what time are you setting off for your holiday tomorrow":confused: This has been going on for a week now!!! She seems so disappointed when I say I'm not going anywhere....Goodness knows where she's got this idea from.....The same place as the man who delivered my son and his friend's indian takeaway mistaking her for the queen of Persia I expect:confused: :confused: :confused: !!!
 

Margarita

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Feb 17, 2006
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Well now that is a good lol before bed time ,:)

oh you lucky thing ..Would you think our mother would notice if we did a Mum swap? Like the TV program wife swap. Have no problem then going on holiday :D :)
 

Lila13

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Feb 24, 2006
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Someone suggested a Mum-swap to me but I didn't want anyone else's mother. Couldn't cope with it. (Why are other people's mothers still alive anyway when mine is dead?)


And of course people say what about all those people killed by earthquakes etc.? It doesn't work, does it? I mean you can send money to good causes, but it doesn't help with the problem at hand, whether it's looking after someone who is ill or "coming to terms" with the fact that someone has gone.

Lila
 

Lila13

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Feb 24, 2006
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My mother said "I never hit him [my father] although he didn't always do as he was told"!

Lila

Margarita said:
lol lol :)



I told her that when she was younger she use have lots of argument with dad
 

Margarita

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Feb 17, 2006
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Lila13
Why are other people's mothers still alive anyway when mine is dead?)

Because its not there trun yet or mine :eek: , I’m a mum also :)

The only 1001 per cent sure thing in this world that we know that’s going to happen (And we could put a bet on & win )is......... that we’re all going to die one day
 

Helena

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May 24, 2006
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Not according to my Mother Margarita

if ever the subject of death came up her response for years has been

"its not going to happen " !!!!!!!!!!!