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There's always someone worse off

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Canadian Joanne, Jun 1, 2006.

  1. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    15,990
    Toronto, Canada
    I went to my support group meeting tonight. When I start feeling sorry for myself, I think about the people in my group who are much worse off than I am.

    There's the 55 year old woman, divorced, no children, no siblings and her parents divorced 30 years ago. Her mother developed dementia and on top of all this, my friend has MS.

    There's the 85 year old man, who just celebrated his 62nd wedding anniversary with his wife in long term care.

    And there's my particular friend, who is 86 years old, frail but a lovely woman, whose daughter has Alzheimer's. She previously had a son die at the age of 39. To my mind, she's the worst off. I can't begin to conceive watching my child die of Alzheimer's.

    I'm healthy, have a good relationship with my sister, a wonderful supportive husband. Things could be so much worse.

    Joanne
     
  2. jeannette

    jeannette Registered User

    Feb 27, 2006
    55
    Good thought

    I feel much the same way. (Mind you, I didn't this morning!) But you're so right. I also have a loving and understanding husband, and a loving and supportive sister - and a sweet little dog who comforts me when I'm sad.

    Very lucky indeed. And I'm so glad you are, too. We need all the help and support we can get.

    Love, Jeannette
     
  3. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    1,656
    Sheffield
    You're spot on!

    Hi Joanne
    You are so right ....there are ALWAYS people so much worse off.
    Yes it hurts to see my mum going through this but up until this disease struck she had a good life and I shall continue to make it as good as I can..
    But the thought of seeing my kids going through any sort of life threatening disease would totally floor me...it's unthinkable...
    I often" count my blessings "
    I have a lovely hubby (somewhat grumpy at times ....but a good old slap sorts him out...only joking)) 3 healthy lovely kids,a dog and two cats...
    I am SOOOOOO lucky
    Thanks for reminding me about the good things I have:)
     
  4. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    I just heard today that the manger of the emergency respite home that mum went to, her son 21 year old son was standing at a bus stop , a car going very fast around a corner rammed right in to him killing him 3 days ago.

    I can not imagine the pain the mother must be going through ,but my prayers are with her .
     
  5. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Joanne, I generally adore your philosophies - but on this one you're gonna have to convince me!!!!!

    How come, if I can recognise that other people are worse off than me (very much so on this site alone!) and they are coping and I'm not - then doesn't that make me feel worse - not better - about myself and my situation?:confused: :)

    Hugs, Karen, x
     
  6. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    To put my 2 penny worth , Tender Face

    at the end of the day its your Choice In how you want to Feel

    I can't cope , but I chose to feel Positive & except the negative & fight it with the power of positive thinking
     
  7. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Does it matter who is worse off or better off ? - Presumably we don't whinge for the sheer hell of it, but when the situation we are in causes that response in us. Surely there is no hierarchy of suffering.
    (Just feeling a bit controversial tonight!)
    Amy
     
  8. jeannette

    jeannette Registered User

    Feb 27, 2006
    55
    Aspects of TP

    Reading back through this thread, I see (still being comparatively new) that one of the great aspects of TP is that it really is like a great conversation with a wonderful and disparate group of people in similar, but not the same, boats. On this one, I find I've taken tips or advice or just a bit of a boost from each one. Amy, I so like the phrase "hierarchy of suffering" - can I please steal it? And you're so right; sometimes we just HAVE to whinge, and sometimes it's good for us (probably a pain in the rear end for others), and sometimes it's absolutely not, and then Margarita's positive thinking is the right thing (if you can manage it). But Karen, I'm so with you on what you say in your last posting. Often nothing makes me feel worse than seeing how well others are coping.

    I have to say that hearing all these other awful tales moves me, of course, but also frightens me to an extent. I'm always scolding myself, reminding myself of how lucky I am and that things could be so much worse. It's a scary world, and we all know we have to make the most of every minute, but we're just human.

    And right now I'm just rambling on, so for everyone's sake I'd better stop NOW. Sorry, all.
    Jeannette
     
  9. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Margarita,

    I was trying to make a joke there at my own expense, but clearly it didn’t work.

    I know I try to remain ridiculously and at times unpopularly positive. But there is positive and ridiculous, and I, for one, certainly need to make the distinction between the two for my own sake and for others.

    Hugs and a hummpphhhh, Karen.:mad:
     
  10. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Ramble away Jeannette - that's what is wonderful about being here - it is a place where we can ramble, and so sort out our thinking, and on the whole others are interested, and do understand.
    Amy
     
  11. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    How much longer you staying up - I'm well up for it tonight!!!!!:) :D
     
  12. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Karen,
    Well having restrained myself from shouting at husband (almost) and kids, I'm well up for it tonight.
    Amy
     
  13. Helena

    Helena Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    715
    I agree theres always people with far worse things to deal with

    What gets me though is the awful arrogant ,rude,bullying and downright mean and nasty people in this world who seem to get all the perks and nothing bad ever happens to them or their families

    Its so often the kindest most caring people who get hit with horrid diseases
     
  14. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Just a thought.....

    Maybe, it's just those kindest most caring people are actually the stronger ones...... those who care to share their experiences for themselves and to help others? The horrible nasty people just hide it all away and pretend it never happens to them - sure they must hurt desperately inside - they just haven't got the guts to show how much it hurts, nor to share their pain to help others. Maybe it's them we should feel most sorry for?

    Love, Karen, x
     
  15. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Sorry I cannot subscribe to this looking at others worse off makes me feel better.
    I dont't think very often that they are worse off.
    What to me can be worse than looking after a wife that I have adored (and still do) for 59 years,24x7,If I can survive with only the ultimate end to look forward to?
    I remember once hearing someone say "If I have my leg cut off and you have your leg cut off how will that help me"?
    Norman:(
     
  16. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    1,656
    Sheffield
    I can't say I cope .....in fact I make a pig's ear of it half the time....most of the time in fact...but I will try my damndest to remain positive in all of this....if I don't I'll go under...Whether I like it or not dementia/AD /whatever this thing is......has taken over my life and I won't let it beat me....
    Wendy:mad:
     
  17. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Norman,
    Not having her there to look after?
    Amy
     
  18. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    I also
    like Norman says but I do have empathy for them & can learn from them , if they our open to share .
     
  19. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Hi, think we all need this. God bless,
     

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  20. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    I would like that on my desk top thanks Connie
     

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