1. Time trader

    Time trader Registered User

    Dec 30, 2014
    17
    We attended a consultation recently and Dad agreed to attend the therapy group, whether he actually follows this through remains to be seen.

    He seems angry all the time, never has a good word to say about anyone or anything, this is so bad that the simplest conversation escalates into a full scale argument. I worry when he's with strangers in case he offends anyone and the situation potentially turns very nasty but what can we do, we can't be with him all the time.

    He's always been a very selfish person and refused to acknowledge that other people have just as many aches and pains as he does, in fact given his age he's a lot more agile and active than many others that I've witnessed.

    We sort of get the impression that he thinks the world now owes him a living, that he shouldn't reimburse travel costs or supply of provisions by friends or family ( if he was financially compromised this wouldn't be an issue but we know he has money ) Christmas came and went with no evidence of presents for the grandchildren and this hurts so much because they are always prepared to bake a cake, make a pie or even deliver a bag of vegetables.

    Have any other carers experienced this kind of behaviour?
     
  2. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,711
    Female
    London
    Who suggested that someone with dementia should attend any form of therapy? This seems very odd to me. The nature of the illness is such that they can't help changing behaviour, nor can they actively change it back. If your Dad exhibits behaviour he last exhibited when he was younger, this is because dementia patients often go back in time. Their recent memories vanish and they believe for example that they are still at school. I assume emotions go the same way. If your Dad displays aggressive behaviour, a doctor should be consulted about possible medication. I don't see what good therapy will do here.

    You need to understand that when dementia arrives, empathy in that person leaves. My OH is not aggressive but he doesn't ask how my day was anymore nor does he react when I tell him I am poorly and as for presents - he doesn't even realise when Christmas or birthdays are anymore. You just have to learn to live with that aspect - they are not doing it on purpose.
     
  3. min88cat

    min88cat Registered User

    Apr 6, 2010
    581
    I have to agree with Beate.

    Having an Alz/dementia relative, means that they are going in reverse, reverting to childlike behaviour, stuck in a time warp that they can't help or get out of. Eventually, they have to fed, changed, encouraged to drink, bathed, totally helpless like a newborn. Not a pleasant think to contemplate, but such is this awful beast I'm afraid. They are not doing it on purpose, despit what you may feel.
     
  4. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,849
    Female
    Scotland
    The above is all so true and is what makes it so hard to live with. You must somehow detach yourself from what would be the norm. This last week I have had several volunteer sitters including one today to let me go for a mammogram. I explained it all carefully ( !) but when I came back less than two hours later John had his coat and slippers on wanting to go out.

    I did consider going for a coffee but if I had done he would have been off! Very frustrating.
     
  5. Witzend

    Witzend Registered User

    Aug 29, 2007
    4,295
    SW London
    Yes, I'd be interested to know who suggested therapy - does the person have any idea about dementia? So many people with dementia would not be able to remember half an hour later that they'd been at all, let alone remember anything from the session.
     
  6. RedLou

    RedLou Registered User

    Jul 30, 2014
    1,162
    What sort of 'therapy'? My husband runs pottery workshops for people with dementia for our local NHS trust, which are widely attended and extremely popular because of the opportunity for relaxation and enjoyment they afford. Also building self-esteem. Perhaps they mean something like this?
     
  7. Time trader

    Time trader Registered User

    Dec 30, 2014
    17
    The therapy was suggested by a CPN. And it is aimed at earlier diagnosed people with the intention of helping them to understand their illness and suggests subtle changes to lifestyle which could be beneficial in the event that the condition doesn't progress too rapidly. So yes, the lady DOES know about dementia and it is her teams intention to keep the group therapy sessions going as long as funding allows as they have seen positive results in a high percentage of clients.
     
  8. Time trader

    Time trader Registered User

    Dec 30, 2014
    17
    It is group therapy, just 3 or 4 clients per session. It is designed to help them understand their diagnosis, promote wellbeing generally, encourage healthy eating and to assure the clients that not everyone will need to be admitted to a care facility as with the correct medication the advancement can be massively controlled.
     
  9. Witzend

    Witzend Registered User

    Aug 29, 2007
    4,295
    SW London
    Yes, I can see that it would be helpful for anyone diagnosed early enough, who is willing to cooperate. I suppose I was thinking of the cases I know of personally, where diagnosis came later, short term memory was already badly affected, and they would/could not accept that there was anything wrong with them anyway.

    I hope the therapy bears fruit for your dad.
     
  10. Time trader

    Time trader Registered User

    Dec 30, 2014
    17
    The group therapy was suggested by a highly qualified CPN. Not all recent memories disappear immediately. Medication was prescribed some months ago and is continuing. As a family we are fully aware that there are irreversibly behaviour changes. You need to understand that not all sufferers are the same, they cannot be pigeon holed and labelled and some of us carers will follow every avenue to help and support their loved ones.
     
  11. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    22,497
    Female
    Near Southampton
    #11 Saffie, Jan 27, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2015
    My head says this might be good idea but my heart is not at all sure.
    Discussions about the future could cause distress to some sufferers who may find living in the present more reassuring and the future too frightening.
    However, I accept that everyone is different and what might suit some might not suit others.
    I hope it helps your father
     
  12. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,971
    Suffolk
    I would think this should be aimed at Carers. They are the ones who decide diet, outings and others things. OH has gone beyond such things with a memory span of a microsecond, but even in the earlier days when he had a longer memory span he wasn't too keen on the A or the D words. Prefers a bad memory which, of course, covers every eventuality ( including my very bad memory at the memory, which is probably stress- related).
    Still, if the CPN has had good results before, maybe it is just finding the right people to take part.
     

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