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The week of hell

Thethirdmrsc

Registered User
Apr 4, 2018
504
0
Hi @AbbyGee and I am so sorry you are going through this. I did take videos and record my OH as I felt that no one would believe the rage, and also the things that he said. I wish I had shown them to his sons, cause it was then a shock to them when he got taken away almost 3 weeks ago to a secure hospital unit, when I said that I could no longer cope. My OH hates the hospital and so do I, but we are now waiting on a place in a home. Sadly we are not self funding, so we have to wait for SS to pull their fingers out. It’s not easy.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
10,933
0
Yorkshire
this may be of interest

please don't assume that you will not be able to downsize, have the new property in your husband's name and use capital released towards care home fees

have a chat with an advisor on the support line
www.alzheimers.org.uk/dementia-connect-support-line

and a solicitor
 

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
1,279
0
I didn't know anything about this topic so I googled it and found this rather useful website:

Of course the website is rather sexist in that it seems to assume that women are those in need of protection, however I think the same rights must apply to men!! It looks well worth a read and although it seems to be written on the assumption that the owning spouce has deserted the wife there must be some relevance to a situation where the owning spouce has lost capacity and moved to institutional care.

On the face of it it would look wise to register your home rights now. You can later transfer them to another property according to this guide. Even if this proves not to be useful, it cannot do any harm.
 

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
1,279
0
@
@MartinWL It's not about money. It's his property. I've had the benefit of it for the last 30 odd years but don't feel I should suddenly become entitled.
I'm a survivor and can manage on my own income and what savings I've salted away. It wouldn't be the life of Riley but I wouldn't be facing life in penuary either.
You are obviously a lady with a very generous nature!! But it would still be prudent to protect your own interests, you never know what the future holds. You may not want to risk getting to a situation in which you live in rented property, and all his funds including those from the sale of the house, are used up on expensive care, so you don't inherit anything when the inevitable happens.
 

Chaplin

Registered User
May 24, 2015
147
0
Bristol
@MartinWL It's not about money. It's his property. I've had the benefit of it for the last 30 odd years but don't feel I should suddenly become entitled.
I'm a survivor and can manage on my own income and what savings I've salted away. It wouldn't be the life of Riley but I wouldn't be facing life in penuary either.
@AbbyGee what an awful situation for you both. I do think the time has come for your husband to move to a care home, where more than one person will be able to manage his needs around the clock.

You sound like someone with great spirit and it’s refreshing that the money is not a priority for you, but the long term care of your OH. He’s lucky to have you and I hope you get the support from the relevant people tomorrow to bring you both some calm. Take care of yourself, I’ve no doubt this will be a struggle for you both but you both deserve a future that is safe and stable. Quite honestly if you are talking to professionals with good experience of dementia, you shouldn’t have to provide evidence of how bad things are.
 

Peppa1963

New member
Aug 27, 2021
4
0
My mum and I care for my dad with LBD, Parkinson’s and epilepsy. We reached the same point a couple of weeks ago so called the doctor. Dad had had a fall but recognizing our difficulties we took the advice of the doctor and had dad admitted for assessment via the social worker. He cannot walk alone, he needs 24 hour supervision, he needs feeding and he’s doubly incontinent. He pees everywhere unless we are watching him. My mother works tirelessly shaving, washing, etc and I help care and do all their admin and shopping. The strain is visible as my life has virtually ended in so much as I am carer and my poor mothers life revolves around dads bowel movements. He was admitted to MAU for 8 days then shifted to another ward. The OT was obsessed with dads mobility, making him try and feed himself etc. No consideration given that he cannot move his hands due to rheumatoid arthritis and cannot walk unaided due to a subdural hemorrhage. After a week of banned visiting, we bullied our way in to find he had lost a stone in weight. He hadn’t been washed or shaved. They put him on a ward for 3 days with no stimulation where we believe he was bullied. He packed his bags and cried and begged to come home. The OT was in denial saying how much progress he’d made...I believe to avoid the necessity for care as there is none. The advice of our GP was to apply for rest bite before it gets impossible. We are in a similar position where it’s so stressful but having seen what goes on in the NHS we are torn. Dads home, clean, fed etc. I act as my mums counselor which is also taking its toll on me, it’s never a good wake up call. The only thing to add is that you are not alone, I would talk to the family ask for help. Also give your doctor a ring to ask for some rest bite. My concern is the lack of support you seem to have around you. The thing is unless you’ve done what you are doing you cannot appreciate the strain. The guilt my mother feels in tangible but dads only been home a week and it’s already starting to show. Feel free to offload at any time.....remember you are doing an amazing thankless job......xx