Hi all,
My dad has been in a care home for 3 months now, and still has not settled, probably never will. But with VD, complete immobility and incontinence, it is the best place for him, and it is a very good home and the family are very happy with the way they care for him and look after his needs.
He had a mobile phone and made really nasty vicious calls to me every few days - accuses me of stealing his money (I have POA and he knows that) and tells me I wish he was dead, and i don't care about him, and I kicked him out of the house (He lived with us but it didnt work out for him, or for us).
So we had my number removed from his phone so he could still contact his 2 grandchildren who lived a distance away, and his friend, also lives a distance away.
Yesterday, he phoned my youngest daughter - his youngest grandchild whom he adored (she is 22 and lives away from home currently) - and was sooo nasty and vicious to her. He told her that my husband, her dad, had crawled under his bed, taken his credit card and held a gun to his head. He told her we had kicked him out and she had to report us etc... and I am swanning around like a millionaire on his money(he didnt have that much to begin with and what he has pays for his care home, and extras blah blah.... so I am not expecting to inherit much if anything! lol).
It was awful and he ranted for ages. She phoned her big sister (12 years older) and big sister said she would go and visit granddad and speak to him about it and tell him not to ring her and upset her etc.
When Rebecca went, he was completely unrepentant - said Joanna was a liar and he didnt say Dave had a gun etc - but then later in the conversation he shouted at Rebecca that he 'saw Dave' with the gun and it DID happen.
Rebecca told him he upset Joanna a lot, and he shrugged and said he didnt care. That was so hurtful, because he was a doting granddad to all of them.
Rebecca and a staff member then said they would have to take the mobile off him because he was using it to abuse people and that was not good, and he threw it back at her.
He was really angry, vicious and nasty with her too.
My husband said he seems to have reached a place where he doesn't seem to care who he upsets, but he remembers some of what he said/did, so it can't all be dementia, can it? And yet, this is all completely out of character for him.
I was upset with all his viicous calls to me, but this treatment of my girls has really floored me and truthfully, I don't even want to visit him now. I have told all the family that nobody should go to visit alone anymore - always go in pairs at least.
I dont know what else to do. It is so terribly sad, for everyone.
Is this the next 'stage' of his dementia??? At the moment, he is quite 'good', alert and aware, not a bad dementia case except when he has infections - and he doesnt have an infection at the moment because staff checked after Rebecca told them how aggressive he is. I dont know if the doc would prescribe anything for him becase he doesn't do this to staff, so far, just to me, and now to the granddaughters......
Thanks for reading.
Trisha
xxx
My dad has been in a care home for 3 months now, and still has not settled, probably never will. But with VD, complete immobility and incontinence, it is the best place for him, and it is a very good home and the family are very happy with the way they care for him and look after his needs.
He had a mobile phone and made really nasty vicious calls to me every few days - accuses me of stealing his money (I have POA and he knows that) and tells me I wish he was dead, and i don't care about him, and I kicked him out of the house (He lived with us but it didnt work out for him, or for us).
So we had my number removed from his phone so he could still contact his 2 grandchildren who lived a distance away, and his friend, also lives a distance away.
Yesterday, he phoned my youngest daughter - his youngest grandchild whom he adored (she is 22 and lives away from home currently) - and was sooo nasty and vicious to her. He told her that my husband, her dad, had crawled under his bed, taken his credit card and held a gun to his head. He told her we had kicked him out and she had to report us etc... and I am swanning around like a millionaire on his money(he didnt have that much to begin with and what he has pays for his care home, and extras blah blah.... so I am not expecting to inherit much if anything! lol).
It was awful and he ranted for ages. She phoned her big sister (12 years older) and big sister said she would go and visit granddad and speak to him about it and tell him not to ring her and upset her etc.
When Rebecca went, he was completely unrepentant - said Joanna was a liar and he didnt say Dave had a gun etc - but then later in the conversation he shouted at Rebecca that he 'saw Dave' with the gun and it DID happen.
Rebecca told him he upset Joanna a lot, and he shrugged and said he didnt care. That was so hurtful, because he was a doting granddad to all of them.
Rebecca and a staff member then said they would have to take the mobile off him because he was using it to abuse people and that was not good, and he threw it back at her.
He was really angry, vicious and nasty with her too.
My husband said he seems to have reached a place where he doesn't seem to care who he upsets, but he remembers some of what he said/did, so it can't all be dementia, can it? And yet, this is all completely out of character for him.
I was upset with all his viicous calls to me, but this treatment of my girls has really floored me and truthfully, I don't even want to visit him now. I have told all the family that nobody should go to visit alone anymore - always go in pairs at least.
I dont know what else to do. It is so terribly sad, for everyone.
Is this the next 'stage' of his dementia??? At the moment, he is quite 'good', alert and aware, not a bad dementia case except when he has infections - and he doesnt have an infection at the moment because staff checked after Rebecca told them how aggressive he is. I dont know if the doc would prescribe anything for him becase he doesn't do this to staff, so far, just to me, and now to the granddaughters......
Thanks for reading.
Trisha
xxx
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