I’m sorry this is a rather long Blog but it needs to be said!
I recently wrote and posted a poem called “Of Two perspective” and started it with an introduction by saying:
(It’s said that every story has two points of view in the same way as a coin has two sides and our illness is no exception to this!)
Now after reading some other topics on TP very much in the same vain I decided to take my own thoughts on the subject further as I’m personally convinced our illness has a greater affect on our partners and family’s far more than its does ourselves.
I remember back in 1958 when I was 12 years old I saw my dear grandfather bedridden with mixed dementia and can still clearly recall the entire trauma and distress it caused all the family and particularly my Grandmother who had to deal with the declining situation everyday, to this day I don’t know how she managed as in those days there wasn’t any AZ society to support her, there wasn’t any care homes for granddad neither was there any affective medication to help delay the illness or its associated affects but manage she did right up to my grandfathers demise without complaint, maybe in those days people where just that bit more resilient after having survived two world wars so she viewed it as just one more problem in life to be overcome.
Then some years latter I saw my late Father-in-law with the same illness that eventually had to be moved into a care home as his wife just could no longer cope with all the illnesses problems, maintain the daily running of the house and control her own declining health as a result of her husband’s illness.
Bering in mind those two accounts and seeing first hand the affects on the family its made me view my own 4 years with mixed dementia and Alzheimer’s in a different way and from both perspectives and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s the spouse/family who bear the utmost affliction within our illness, for them our problems only become far more traumatic with every passing day as we start to demand (either knowingly or unknowingly) far more constant attention from them to the point that it drives them to there own deep dilemmas, depressions and frustrations of our condition.
I’m sure that in the early stages of any dementia once we get over the initial shock that both husband and wife approach it with a positive attitude and maybe a plan of action and can still somewhat laugh and joke about some of the problems associated at that time, but as the illness progresses all laughter is lost as it becomes a whole new ball game as slowly for those of us having the illness we start to lose all rationality and awareness of it and become even more dependant on our spouse not only to take care of us but also the daily running of the household and its financial affairs, it gets to the point that for them there is no longer any quality time in there own life to do anything as and when they want since there undying consideration is with our care without a thought for themselves, for us the fight will slowly diminish without knowledge but for our spouse the problems will still be there slowly becoming more traumatic for them day by day, yes they can talk to the AZ society or friends which might momentarily help them get through the day but the problems will still remain, for us there is excellent medication to relive our suffering although in my own view all the medication is doing is to prolong the ultimate end and cause yet more stress to the spouse and family! But for our spouse there is on such medication on this earth that could relieve there own distress or bring back the quality to there life again there battle goes ever on and still lingerie’s on even after our demise.
Now I start asking myself some searing questions as I can’t bear the thought of all the problems that lay ahead of my darling wife and have often said maybe it would be better if my life just quietly slipped away now so that my dear wife has her own life back before its too late as mine is now no more than an existence (I’m on a long journey with no return ticket) which makes me feel so selfish for having putting her life on hold with no return as well!
Am I scared of death, thanks to God my faith tells me “NO” but “YES” I am scared at the means of my demise with this debilitating illness AD and its subsequent affects on my darling wife and family as there lives are more important to me than my own.
I apologize if anyone is offended by what I have written but they are my own views and thoughts on the matter of perspectives within our illness.
I recently wrote and posted a poem called “Of Two perspective” and started it with an introduction by saying:
(It’s said that every story has two points of view in the same way as a coin has two sides and our illness is no exception to this!)
Now after reading some other topics on TP very much in the same vain I decided to take my own thoughts on the subject further as I’m personally convinced our illness has a greater affect on our partners and family’s far more than its does ourselves.
I remember back in 1958 when I was 12 years old I saw my dear grandfather bedridden with mixed dementia and can still clearly recall the entire trauma and distress it caused all the family and particularly my Grandmother who had to deal with the declining situation everyday, to this day I don’t know how she managed as in those days there wasn’t any AZ society to support her, there wasn’t any care homes for granddad neither was there any affective medication to help delay the illness or its associated affects but manage she did right up to my grandfathers demise without complaint, maybe in those days people where just that bit more resilient after having survived two world wars so she viewed it as just one more problem in life to be overcome.
Then some years latter I saw my late Father-in-law with the same illness that eventually had to be moved into a care home as his wife just could no longer cope with all the illnesses problems, maintain the daily running of the house and control her own declining health as a result of her husband’s illness.
Bering in mind those two accounts and seeing first hand the affects on the family its made me view my own 4 years with mixed dementia and Alzheimer’s in a different way and from both perspectives and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s the spouse/family who bear the utmost affliction within our illness, for them our problems only become far more traumatic with every passing day as we start to demand (either knowingly or unknowingly) far more constant attention from them to the point that it drives them to there own deep dilemmas, depressions and frustrations of our condition.
I’m sure that in the early stages of any dementia once we get over the initial shock that both husband and wife approach it with a positive attitude and maybe a plan of action and can still somewhat laugh and joke about some of the problems associated at that time, but as the illness progresses all laughter is lost as it becomes a whole new ball game as slowly for those of us having the illness we start to lose all rationality and awareness of it and become even more dependant on our spouse not only to take care of us but also the daily running of the household and its financial affairs, it gets to the point that for them there is no longer any quality time in there own life to do anything as and when they want since there undying consideration is with our care without a thought for themselves, for us the fight will slowly diminish without knowledge but for our spouse the problems will still be there slowly becoming more traumatic for them day by day, yes they can talk to the AZ society or friends which might momentarily help them get through the day but the problems will still remain, for us there is excellent medication to relive our suffering although in my own view all the medication is doing is to prolong the ultimate end and cause yet more stress to the spouse and family! But for our spouse there is on such medication on this earth that could relieve there own distress or bring back the quality to there life again there battle goes ever on and still lingerie’s on even after our demise.
Now I start asking myself some searing questions as I can’t bear the thought of all the problems that lay ahead of my darling wife and have often said maybe it would be better if my life just quietly slipped away now so that my dear wife has her own life back before its too late as mine is now no more than an existence (I’m on a long journey with no return ticket) which makes me feel so selfish for having putting her life on hold with no return as well!
Am I scared of death, thanks to God my faith tells me “NO” but “YES” I am scared at the means of my demise with this debilitating illness AD and its subsequent affects on my darling wife and family as there lives are more important to me than my own.
I apologize if anyone is offended by what I have written but they are my own views and thoughts on the matter of perspectives within our illness.
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