The toll it takes

Lisa74

Registered User
May 27, 2011
276
I am really scared- my Mum who cares for my Gran (who has late stage Vascular dementia) in our house has a skin lesion, which the GP thinks is a squamous cell carcinoma. She has been fainting a lot and having oesophageal spasms and I'm terrified that she might be very ill.

My Gran has been in and out of hospital, up all night, screaming/hitting/trying to escape from our house, pooing everywhere etc etc. for 6+ years and now has to be carried to loo several times a night and doesn't understand anything. At 90 she has lived more than her fair share of years- what if something happens to my mum?

I am so anxious and just want to warn people NOT to have their demented relatives living with them if they can possibly help it (my parents have no other choice).

It is simply not worth it.
 

RedLou

Registered User
Jul 30, 2014
1,162
Oh Lisa. Take care of yourself, too. Can't say anything except to send a hug.
 

balloo

Registered User
Sep 21, 2013
227
northamptonshire
I am really scared- my Mum who cares for my Gran (who has late stage Vascular dementia) in our house has a skin lesion, which the GP thinks is a squamous cell carcinoma. She has been fainting a lot and having oesophageal spasms and I'm terrified that she might be very ill.

My Gran has been in and out of hospital, up all night, screaming/hitting/trying to escape from our house, pooing everywhere etc etc. for 6+ years and now has to be carried to loo several times a night and doesn't understand anything. At 90 she has lived more than her fair share of years- what if something happens to my mum?

I am so anxious and just want to warn people NOT to have their demented relatives living with them if they can possibly help it (my parents have no other choice).

It is simply not worth it.
we have had my MIL who was diagonosed with Vascular dementia over 3 years ago .i would not if at all possible put her in a home as as a self funder its £1000 a week round here, i was looking into a carer to help out but at £20 an hr its not worth it as attendence allowence does not cover that.
 

esmeralda

Registered User
Nov 27, 2014
3,072
Devon
Oh Lisa, I'm so sorry for your poor mum and for you. I do hope your mum is alright. Difficult to know what to say as I don't know your circumstances, but have you spoken to Adult Social Services or a Dementia Support Worker?
Sending you all love and a big hug.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 

PeterMD

Registered User
Jan 1, 2016
23
N.IRELAND
Best Wishes

I am really scared- my Mum who cares for my Gran (who has late stage Vascular dementia) in our house has a skin lesion, which the GP thinks is a squamous cell carcinoma. She has been fainting a lot and having oesophageal spasms and I'm terrified that she might be very ill.

My Gran has been in and out of hospital, up all night, screaming/hitting/trying to escape from our house, pooing everywhere etc etc. for 6+ years and now has to be carried to loo several times a night and doesn't understand anything. At 90 she has lived more than her fair share of years- what if something happens to my mum?

I am so anxious and just want to warn people NOT to have their demented relatives living with them if they can possibly help it (my parents have no other choice).

It is simply not worth it.
I wish you and your family all the best I am hugely stressed caring for my mother with Alzheimer's and the pooing is one of the areas that's hurts me terribly. I thought I had it tough but although my mother wakes me several times through the night she doesn't scream or yell. I think that would finish me I pray that things get better for you and your great family for caring so much.
 

Mrsbusy

Registered User
Aug 15, 2015
356
Welcome to TP. Have you asked your mother about seeking help, both for her and you, and of course your Grandmother. Your mum can get help with looking after her mum, and she deserves to get help and to look after herself and her health. Maybe speak to her and tell her you are worried about her, and encourage her to contact the Alzheimer's Society and admiral nurses who can advise her with what she could do.

I presume you are in the UK? Even just talking to your mum to let her know you are concerned maybe enough to at least feel appreciated. You could speak to her GP and tell him of your concerns too.

Please keep us updated.