the time has come

[Frederic H]

All of a sudden I realise that I am struggling to cope and that my O/H is a damn sight worse than I thought. I can tolerate most things but physical aggression no way.when it happened a couple of days ago I was a millisecond away from hitting back.
talking to doctor about Resperidone again perhaps for both of us ! Joke !
Doctor said the one side effect of Resperidone is possible stroke /heart attack- No comment
But trying to get O/H into care home even for a days respite is a mountain I cannot climb
Last night we went to bed at 8 pm and I have to go too,thats why I type this at 1.38 am
I don't want sympathy I just need to let off steam-incidentally my Chicken chasseur last night was good just followed instructions.
It is a shame when sometimes during the long and tiresome day love is replaced by intolerance and dare I say it-hate

 

[Aisling]

All of a sudden I realise that I am struggling to cope and that my O/H is a damn sight worse than I thought. I can tolerate most things but physical aggression no way.when it happened a couple of days ago I was a millisecond away from hitting back.
talking to doctor about Resperidone again perhaps for both of us ! Joke !
Doctor said the one side effect of Resperidone is possible stroke /heart attack- No comment
But trying to get O/H into care home even for a days respite is a mountain I cannot climb
Last night we went to bed at 8 pm and I have to go too,thats why I type this at 1.38 am
I don't want sympathy I just need to let off steam-incidentally my Chicken chasseur last night was good just followed instructions.
It is a shame when sometimes during the long and tiresome day love is replaced by intolerance and dare I say it-hate

Am typing at 3 am again..... Ah Frederic, you desperately need practical help. The sheer exhaustion and emotional impact of it all. What help can you get? I live in Ireland so will probably be no help to you. The only thing I can do is say that I have some idea of your pain and the awful feeling of hopelessness.

Aisling

 

[Izzy]

Hi Frederic.

I'm so sorry that things are so bad for you both. It sounds as if you desperately need help. I wondered if you would consider giving the National Dementia Helpline a ring. Having a chat with an advisor on the Helpline might point you in the right direction.

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/...D=200365&_ga=1.179051169.403138391.1474717503

The number is +44300 222 1122 and they're open until 5pm today.

 

[Josiejo]

Oh my goodness, my heart absolutely goes out to you.
We made the decision for Mum to be prescribed Risperidone, having also been advised of the side effects we realised that Mum was at risk of those things anyway because the anxiety and stress she was enduring because of this awful disease.
It has worked, although not everyday is perfect, it never will be and is monitored very closely, but we are still losing our kind and lovely Mum to this awful, horrible condition,
Will be thinking of you today,
Josie xx

 

[Ecognome]

Hi Frederic

In the past my OH has had moments of feeling sorry for her self, its usually when she tries to do something for herself and it goes wrong, the other one is anger at not being in controll of herself in the night, the anger generated in her can understand! BUT it IS bloody hard to live with when that anger comes out and is fired at you, when all you are doing is trying to love and care!
Like you I end up in the very early morning some times not feeling sorry for myself but wondering where it will all end?
I think the big danger is being alone with the wonderment of why take it out in me, I didn't do it, if I could put things right again I would if I could!
This may sound terrible (all regular readers of my posts will know how much I love my OH) but after an accident to me and being taken to hospital my OH ended up in care home temporarily, having left her at about 6:30 ish last night, a friend invited me for a meal, enjoyed the meal, came home watched some telly went to bed at a normal hour, slept all night (without having to get up to sort problems) woke this morning normal sort if hour and am feeling recharged properly, not my what has become normally tired self!
Reading your post and sitting here at 9:00 am with coffee and feeling relaxed for the first time for a long while!
IT MAKES YOU REALISE WHAT NORMAL LIFE IS LIKE! I HAD FORGOTTEN TILL NOW!

Like you I not looking for sympathy but I am remembering the times I have reached that point of going outside and screaming AHHHHHHH! at the top of my voice, taking a deeeeeeeep breath counting to ten then coming back in and saying "yes dear with all the love and care I can muster!

Frederic you are not alone in your feelings and thoughts!

John

 

[HillyBilly]

Frederic and John too - you are both amazing, doing the best you can. It's so wearing and tiring and life-swallowing. I hope you can both get some more "normal" for yourselves, somehow, so you can keep on keeping on until you are ready maybe to relinquish some of the sheer hard thankless work to AN Other. Hugs to both x

 

[Florence.]

Hi Frederic. You are obviously having a very tough time and doing your utmost and the very best you can for your OH but there comes a time for all of us when we have to take decisions we don't want to and one of them is recognising that we can't do everything ourselves and need a break to recharge. It took me a while before I would consider day care and respite for my husband but once we got going it was fine and now Imcouldnt do without it. Has has been suggested please try to talk to someone about how you are feeling and keep in touch on TP. Don't make yourself ill Frederic, which will,happen if you don't get some much needed time for yourself.

 

[LadyA]

Frederic, my husband was on risperidone for over four years - not because of agitation and aggression, but because of terrifying paranoid psychosis & hallucinations. The stress was doing him no good. He was living in a 24 hour nightmare. His consultant weighed up the risks, and explained them, but we felt that if it gave William a better quality of life, even if it turned out that that life might be a bit shorter than it would otherwise have been, then that was better than him struggling on living his life in his own personal horror movie. And my husband was lucky - he never had any side effects from the risperidone, as long as he was on it. It gave him over two good, contented years at home. Eventually, though he became aggressive about personal care and would not eat or drink enough at home and had to go to a nursing home - where he settled in, thrived, and loved it! So, we had another 11 months of a good quality of life and relationship before he died. He thankfully knew me as someone he loved until he died, and would light up when he saw me coming. Whereas, at home, I was just this wicked person who was constantly in bad humour, constantly exhausted, and constantly trying to get him to do things he didn't want to do or didn't understand.

So, I would say, explore all options with an open mind. Sometimes things you wouldn't expect can work out far better than you would ever have thought possible.