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the tears started and won't stop

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,525
Geraldine, you are right we have to do what we feel we need at the time. It can vary so.
Last year, we watched the Service on TV. It was from the Church where my brother in law married 80 years earlier. My husband remembered being given a horse shoe to give to the couple. It was a lovely service, we knew the area well. It brought back memororid too.
It was as if we had been given a very special gift. Sometimes there are gifts out there waiting. Never plan too much.
Xxx
Oh yes, Alice. That was so so lovely to hear, thank you. There are gifts out there, waiting. I have so many when I visit Keith, and so many on the lovely parkland walk back home. With love, Geraldinexxx
 

MaddieJ

Registered User
Sep 1, 2017
49
Reading here about the heartbreak when OH goes into CH causes me sadness. I am struggling now and at a relatively early stage trying not to cry in case l upset him more and cause more anxiety. It has happened in the past. We do have hugs still and the future scares me but I keep thinking it will be better in future when he is eventually in care. Though just thinking that fills me with guilt and I cry. It does not get any better does it?
 

Sad Staffs

Registered User
Jun 26, 2018
677
Reading here about the heartbreak when OH goes into CH causes me sadness. I am struggling now and at a relatively early stage trying not to cry in case l upset him more and cause more anxiety. It has happened in the past. We do have hugs still and the future scares me but I keep thinking it will be better in future when he is eventually in care. Though just thinking that fills me with guilt and I cry. It does not get any better does it?
Dear @MaddieJ
I really relate to what you say, how you feel. It is so sad. I never know what to expect. Sometimes he is as nice as pie, then he is horrible, ranting and swearing in my face.
I too think that I would at least have a life of my own if he went into a care home. But the times when he is more like he used to be I think how can I possibly contemplate that. There is nothing wrong. Then he turns.... and off we go again. This never ending roller coaster that we can’t get off.
Guilt is a major problem for us carers. I don’t think a day goes by that I don’t shed buckets of tears. But not in front of my husband. I have done, but he just gets aggressive and accuses me of turning the waterworks on for sympathy.
I never thought of my husband as cruel and spiteful, but he can be now, but how long do we have to say well its the dementia talking.
Thinking of you, take care, B xx
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,525
Dear @MaddieJ
I really relate to what you say, how you feel. It is so sad. I never know what to expect. Sometimes he is as nice as pie, then he is horrible, ranting and swearing in my face.
I too think that I would at least have a life of my own if he went into a care home. But the times when he is more like he used to be I think how can I possibly contemplate that. There is nothing wrong. Then he turns.... and off we go again. This never ending roller coaster that we can’t get off.
Guilt is a major problem for us carers. I don’t think a day goes by that I don’t shed buckets of tears. But not in front of my husband. I have done, but he just gets aggressive and accuses me of turning the waterworks on for sympathy.
I never thought of my husband as cruel and spiteful, but he can be now, but how long do we have to say well its the dementia talking.
Thinking of you, take care, B xx
Actually, I quit saying it's the dementia talking a while ago. It just mentally knocks us back into line. Yes, it is a never ending roller coaster we can't get off. And my GP said that it is all about waiting for an accident to happen before we are offered help. But this has to be wrong, surely?
with love and best. Geraldinexxx
 

Caz60

Registered User
Jul 24, 2014
253
Lancashire
I know how you feel about celebrating your anniversary. Our 60th Anniversary was last year and in the months before that I was determined to do nothing as it would mean nothing to my husband. Under family pressure I finally agreed to 'Afternoon Tea' for family at a lovely cafe. I was so glad we did that.
My husband enjoyed it in his own way and promptly forget about it afterwards even when he saw the photos. But hey, a happy marriage is always worth celebrating for what it's been for all the previous years. Even if your husband doesn't realise what it's all about, you can be proud of what you've shared together over the years. So Congratulations to both of you from me!
Thankyou for your soothing words it's clear when the day is through relief will be a great feeling.
I'm sure we will mark it with tears and memories...then we will carry on .
Thankyou again and God blessxx
 

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