The Story continues....

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Jane1, Aug 10, 2007.

  1. Jane1

    Jane1 Registered User

    Mar 3, 2007
    I haven't posted for what seems like an eternity. As some of you know 4 months ago my mum was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Being Dad's main carer and hiding much of his alzheimers from us because she didn't like to put on us, our world turned upside down. We obviously realised things were getting bad with Dad but when we took over the care, we realised the scale. After a brave time my lovely mum lost her fight on 2nd August. We informed Dad straight away, he's currently in respite care, which is looking more permenent now. He seems to understand that Mum has gone but I'm not sure how he is 'dealing' with it all in himself. We had tried to show him and keep him involved with Mums journey along the way so he could see for himself. Mum's funeral is next Wednesday and along with dealing with my own feelings I'm worried about the impact on Dad and his illness. However i know it's a vital part of the understanding for Dad. A carer from the home has offered to come with Dad and they get on well so i snapped her up on the offer. After this we have some difficult decisions to make on his future and where he's to live but i think we need a little time first to try and pick up some of the pieces.
    Thank you for listening x
  2. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    Woa Jane, slow down.

    So very, very sorry to hear about your dear mum. You have been so good in involving your dad, please never be frustrated when he does not "quite get it" or even "forgets" Such is the nature of this illness.

    So very glad you have accepted help from one of the carers for the 'day'.

    Hope you have someone you can turn to. You mention 'we' so I am hoping that you have.

    Words would be trite, but will say "thinking about you". Thank you for updating us, even with such sad news.

    We are all one family here, we really do care.
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Dear Jane,

    I`m so sorry your mother`s surgery was too late to save her.

    And you still have the worry of your father. It is very good of your dad`s carer to offer to be with him at the funeral. It will be a big help for you.

    I will be thinking of you on Wednesday.

    Try to take one step at a time.

    Love xx
  4. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Jane, love, I'm so sorry about your mum. It must be so hard for you just now, grieving for her, and worrying about your dad.

    It's lovely of the carer to offer to bring your dad to the funeral, it will be one less thing for you to worry about.

    Try to take some time to rest now, you know your dad is being well looked after, so there is no need for immediate decisions about his future.

    I'll be thinking about you on Wednesday, please come back and tell us how it goes.

  5. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    Dear Jane,
    My sincere condolences on the loss of your dear Mum. What a wonderful person she was, from the way you talk about her in your posts.

    I agree that you need to take things slowly with your Dad. If he is happy in the place he is having respite, and you are happy with his care, perhaps it is time soon to make it a permanent arrangement.

    Your Dad may have "ups and downs" over the loss of his wife - when Dad died, we found Mum (with dementia) had good times and bad times - and these could not be predicted. If he seems uncaring or off hand, please know it is the illness "speaking" and not your "true" Dad.

    Sending you my warmest sympathy at this very difficult time.
  6. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    Dear Jane,

    So sorry to hear of your mum's passing and my thoughts are with you. I hope that everything works out well, with, whatever you decide concerning your dad.Take care. Taffy.
  7. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    #7 Margarita, Aug 12, 2007
    Last edited: Aug 12, 2007
    I am also sorry to read about your mother passing .

    Hope for the best

    wishing you all the best on wednesday , also please to read that you have a carer at the home helping you with your father on wednesday , because like you say and your so right, ''dealing with your own feelings'' you need all the support you can get xx

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