The shoe is on the other foot

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by northumbrian_k, Dec 31, 2017.

  1. northumbrian_k

    northumbrian_k Registered User

    Mar 2, 2017
    755
    Male
    Newcastle
    This might have been amusing if it it wasn't so sad. My wife got up from the table halfway through breakfast, took off a shoe and cleaned mud off the sole at the kitchen sink. She then muttered something about the other shoe, not noticing it was still on her foot. Before I could tell her she disappeared upstairs to look for it. She returned a few minutes later wearing a different pair, spotted the cleaned shoe and said "so that's where it is"!

    It is this not seeing things for what they are/misidentification which is in many ways more difficult to deal with than loss of memory. Which is how I ended up paying her train fare today as her pass was 'lost' ie in her handbag but not in the usual place.
     
  2. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    4,384
    Kent
    It is very sad...I found that with my dad...but you are doing an excellent job in joining your wife's world trying to make it less frightening for her
     
  3. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,829
    UK
    I rarely found moments like these amusing. My mum often mixes things up, she will sometimes come out of her bedroom wearing odd shoes plus on the wrong feet. Yesterday she came out of the bathroom with her top denture on bottom gum, only a short grin from me and only because wearing it this way gave her a huge smile.
     
  4. karaokePete

    karaokePete Registered User

    Jul 23, 2017
    4,897
    N Ireland
    Oh, I don’t know. I think it’s ok to have a laugh if both see the fun. Yesterday we were talking to a friend when we noticed that my wife was wearing her trousers inside out and all three of us enjoyed the laugh. As oasis in the desert that is Alzheimer’s.:)
     
  5. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    4,384
    Kent
    Actually...While some moments are sad as they catch us off guard...dad wearing one of mum's lovely floral blouses on top of 3 layers of his own clothes and tying his tie or 3 in Adam Ant style round his leg were funny...but I always smiled a lot at dad anyway as it seemed to rub off on him! So smiling with him not at him. These are some of the nicer memories I now have of his dementia period
     
  6. Al_B

    Al_B Registered User

    Jun 8, 2016
    9
    Male
    Manchester
    I think you have to grab a smile when you can. It is most frustrating sometimes though. This morning we were going out my OH had a slipper on one foot and a shoe on the other. We managed to get both shoes on but I went to get her coat and when I got back she had a slipper on again! Back to square 1 ....grrrrr!
     
  7. Moggymad

    Moggymad Registered User

    May 12, 2017
    361
    Female
    I remember taking a frail elderly gent to see his friend in hospital. It wasn't until we got back, seeing him from the rear view I realised he had his jogging bottoms on back to front!
     
  8. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,506
    Ireland
    I remember visiting an elderly aunt and uncle one time (well, I say elderly, but in fact they weren't as old as my husband!). We were sitting on the couch in their spic and span living room, taking tea from china cups and saucers when I happened to glance down, and realised that there was a good two inches of striped, flannel pyjama bottoms showing underneath my husband's trouser legs! At that stage, he was still dressing independently, and this was the first time he had not taken his pyjamas off before putting his clothes on! I wouldn't say it made me laugh, but let's say it gave me a sort of sad, poignant smile. Because it was a chilly day, and I could quite understand not wanting to take off warm pyjamas to get dressed! Haven't we all been there?!
     
  9. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    4,384
    Kent
    #9 love.dad.but.., Jan 1, 2018
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2018
    Ah Yes! The pj trouser under the outer trouser look. I remember Dads fashion statement well. Of course...for dad to also tie his tie or 3 around one leg he also had to wear pj bottoms and trousers half mast on one leg...quite a determined feat of precise dressing style I thought!
     
  10. Mudgee Joy

    Mudgee Joy Registered User

    Dec 26, 2017
    655
    Female
    New South Wales Australia
    My husband gets our wardrobes confused often - so when he comes out wearing my long shorts, or this morning - my jeans - I am getting used to it - I just smiled at him this morning and said lucky we are a similar size !! I take more notice if we are going out - but inside out, and back to front, is pretty common . This evening he is wearing winter pjs - found in bottom drawer - it’s almost 30 dwg C here tonight - sooo hot . It does help to see the funny side . It’s way better than when I used to get annoyed or sad or frustrated .
    Happy New Year to all
    M-joy
     
  11. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    2,910
    Nottinghamshire
    Yesterday my daughter's boyfriend was joining us for Sunday lunch. So dad chose this day to wear 2 shirts and his fleece. I asked him if he'd rather have a cardigan and he said he was fine. Of course by the time I'd got him to my house he'd decided his fleece was a jacket and took it off then complained of being cold!! He put it back on when I didn't turn the heating up...

    At least he didn't insult the boyfriend...
     
  12. rhubarbtree

    rhubarbtree Registered User

    Jan 7, 2015
    462
    North West
    A couple of days ago I left my OH to put on his shirt, trousers and jumper but he came downstairs jumperless. I looked everywhere for it, gave up and found him another one. Later at the doctors she wanted to hear his chest. The jumper was under the shirt.

    And shoes! This morning he is sporting a natty pair of patent shoes kept for evening dress. My resolution is to sing "Let it be" on as many occasions as possible. I suppose bending down picking up shoes numerous times a day could be regarded as a gym exercise.
     
  13. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,506
    Ireland
    We were not, sadly, similar in size! Seeing my new jumper stretched tightly across my husband's tummy, and still ending north of his navel....! :( and he was so pleased with it!
     
  14. Mudgee Joy

    Mudgee Joy Registered User

    Dec 26, 2017
    655
    Female
    New South Wales Australia
    Sorry - that did make me laugh !! Next time your shopping you might be big sloppy jumpers
     
  15. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,506
    Ireland
    My jumpers are all my own now, sadly. My husband died in August 2015.
     

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