The Selfish Pigs Guide

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
1,787
I have a copy and it turns out that I am indeed a typical selfish pig and that is not a bad thing to be.

It means that you are still fighting to have a life or at least a hope of one sometime in the future and that is better than being a perfect saint of a carer.
 

Littlebear

Registered User
Jan 6, 2017
81
Can't wait to read it! Sounds like it won't be the sort of book that makes the carer feel it's their fault if their PWD isn't always calm & happy!
 

CWR

Registered User
Mar 17, 2019
107
I have heard about this book on the forums before but this time I thought I must get that book myself and it’s now on my kindle and not before time. It’s brilliant and I wish I had read it before but better late than never. I say to myself I must have a break from this and then feel bad about leaving him but no more. I need that break and he will be ok. I am not indispensable even though he is so needy.
I work in a library, and I ordered that book in. It really hits the nail on the head. You feel you're going round the twist, and get annoyed at the PWD for continuing to say that they have swallowed that pill, and for the 5th time, its clear they haven't and there you are practically shouting at them : SWALLOW IT! Then you feel terrible, you are a terrible carer..blah blah blah.. but you aren't. You're just a human being.I would say that everyone who cares for someone with dementia should read this book.
 

PalSal

Registered User
Dec 4, 2011
777
Pratteln Switzerland
Reading all your posts was wonderful. I look forward to the chapter on pushing them down the stairs. I have actually been in that state of rage in the past (not for some time) where that thought flashed into my head.
I will be ordering the book.
And the idea of pig brooch sounds a great way to raise money for research or something. What fun....I know I am a selfish pig. (I just read about the book online and the author's wife has Huntington's Disease. Now I am even more interested as you TP friends may remember three of my siblings have Huntington's Disease.)
 
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Florencefennel

Registered User
Jun 11, 2018
28
I also have it on my kindle and even recommended it to our gp when I took my OH for his annual check yesterday. He looked it up and said he would get it! I can only hope he does and learns just a little of what we carers take on without any knowledge, training or support, just getting on with it! In the meantime, I am so glad I heard of this book, it’s such a great empowerment, I can’t believe I told our gp that I am a professional carer!
 

Grahamstown

Registered User
Jan 12, 2018
1,588
East of England
I also have it on my kindle and even recommended it to our gp when I took my OH for his annual check yesterday. He looked it up and said he would get it! I can only hope he does and learns just a little of what we carers take on without any knowledge, training or support, just getting on with it! In the meantime, I am so glad I heard of this book, it’s such a great empowerment, I can’t believe I told our gp that I am a professional carer!
You are so right and two things have made such a difference from this book. First I got a week of respite and he has been fine, doing the activities, tai chi would you believe, sitting I think, and second I am allowed to be guilt free even when I feel like so cross. I have also got myself into better shape with a supported on line food plan for weight loss. The support is great but only for the programme, I don’t need to whinge about my situation. The two things are helping enormously and I am planning regular respite breaks from now on. Finally they have had just as much trouble getting to eat and drink there as at home and I am going to stop beating myself up about it now. Hope this week off effect lasts a bit.
 

margherita

Registered User
May 30, 2017
2,473
Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
Day centres, volunteer sitters, whatever. 24 hours a day with dementia is mind and soul destroying.
Really soul destroying.
My husband won't accept any of the solutions you have suggested.
When I first read the title of the book, I associated " The Selfish Pig" with my hushand. He is not a pig, but he is hugely and pathologically selfish
 

PalSal

Registered User
Dec 4, 2011
777
Pratteln Switzerland
You are so right and two things have made such a difference from this book. First I got a week of respite and he has been fine, doing the activities, tai chi would you believe, sitting I think, and second I am allowed to be guilt free even when I feel like so cross. I have also got myself into better shape with a supported on line food plan for weight loss. The support is great but only for the programme, I don’t need to whinge about my situation. The two things are helping enormously and I am planning regular respite breaks from now on. Finally they have had just as much trouble getting to eat and drink there as at home and I am going to stop beating myself up about it now. Hope this week off effect lasts a bit.
Sp pleased to read you refreshed outlook on life.....long may it last, one day at a time.
 

Grahamstown

Registered User
Jan 12, 2018
1,588
East of England
I have just brought him home with a rumbling cough which started this morning and he is quite poorly. I have put him to bed and see how he goes. That’s one problem with being in a community, you pick up bugs that you don’t encounter at home.
 

Florencefennel

Registered User
Jun 11, 2018
28
You are so right and two things have made such a difference from this book. First I got a week of respite and he has been fine, doing the activities, tai chi would you believe, sitting I think, and second I am allowed to be guilt free even when I feel like so cross. I have also got myself into better shape with a supported on line food plan for weight loss. The support is great but only for the programme, I don’t need to whinge about my situation. The two things are helping enormously and I am planning regular respite breaks from now on. Finally they have had just as much trouble getting to eat and drink there as at home and I am going to stop beating myself up about it now. Hope this week off effect lasts a bit.
Yes,I think this new approach to caring is appealing to a lot of us! If it can remove some of the guilt at doing the slightest thing for ourselves, it will be worth its weight in gold! Keep up the new food plan, Grahamstown, my local ‘ no men, no mirrors ‘ only women, gym has just been closed by the land owner as he wants to build houses on the site! Again, really good support and no need to mention dementia, I shall miss it very much but must find something else soon.
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,624
Superb book, I gave it a five star rating. I feel it is confidence building for us unpaid professional Carers who get by without training or support. He did say need an answer? Ask a carer how true!
I loved the chapter on chaos theory, this has help me understand the way the local authority works.
 

Grahamstown

Registered User
Jan 12, 2018
1,588
East of England
I felt the need to take a peek at the book this morning on the why do we do it chapter. It’s a curious thing that we do it at all especially when we do not love or have any regard for our piglet. I do love the strong independent sweet clever man who was, who bears little resemblance to my piglet who is. He has returned from a week of respite where apparently he ate much the same as at home, was taken to join in the activities which he apparently did, and sat and chatted to two lady residents who took him under their wing and I suspect did most of the chatting. I started to doubt myself but after twelve hours of exhausted sleep and a cough which responded to my ancient remedies, I wondered about this question of why do it. All his reasons mix together and he would have to be beyond my care for me to admit him to permanent care, though I would if I had to. My initial observation is that he is significantly weaker and thinner than he was a week ago, more disorientated and ‘internal’ if you know what I mean. It’s as if he is withdrawing into himself. I don’t know why I do it but I must and I couldn’t do otherwise. No wonder we go mad to varying degrees.
 

Thethirdmrsc

Registered User
Apr 4, 2018
108
I felt the need to take a peek at the book this morning on the why do we do it chapter. It’s a curious thing that we do it at all especially when we do not love or have any regard for our piglet. I do love the strong independent sweet clever man who was, who bears little resemblance to my piglet who is. He has returned from a week of respite where apparently he ate much the same as at home, was taken to join in the activities which he apparently did, and sat and chatted to two lady residents who took him under their wing and I suspect did most of the chatting. I started to doubt myself but after twelve hours of exhausted sleep and a cough which responded to my ancient remedies, I wondered about this question of why do it. All his reasons mix together and he would have to be beyond my care for me to admit him to permanent care, though I would if I had to. My initial observation is that he is significantly weaker and thinner than he was a week ago, more disorientated and ‘internal’ if you know what I mean. It’s as if he is withdrawing into himself. I don’t know why I do it but I must and I couldn’t do otherwise. No wonder we go mad to varying degrees.
One thing that struck me on that bit as well is the training proper carers have. This is not a career I would have chosen as I don’t have the patience, so a lot of time I act on my instincts as I don’t know the proper way, and that’s not good for him or me. And proper paid carers get to go home at night, as they have a life.
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,624
We do so much that paid Carers are not allowed to do, re. health and safety. A joke really!
We need a new Wilberforce to put things straight!
Slave labour? Shackles made of love, duty and expectation.