The sadness never really goes away
- Thread starter CollegeGirl
- Start date
I remember the sadness, it was overwhelming and sometimes it just engulfed me so much I almost felt the physical weight of it. I'm so sorry for you ad your dad and mum CG, and all the others here in this situation.
I understand what each one of you is struggling with and I feel your sadness. I wish I could wrap you all up and take away the pain, the best I can do is read, and support you with encouraging and sympathetic words. Take care each dear one, your journeys are so hard but I hope the tiny glimmers of a smile here and there or perhaps even sitting together peacefully will sustain you.
Stephanie, xxx
I understand what each one of you is struggling with and I feel your sadness. I wish I could wrap you all up and take away the pain, the best I can do is read, and support you with encouraging and sympathetic words. Take care each dear one, your journeys are so hard but I hope the tiny glimmers of a smile here and there or perhaps even sitting together peacefully will sustain you.
Stephanie, xxx
You are all such good friends to me, a group hug sounds lovely. It does help massively to share my feelings here.
Thank you all xx
Thank you all xx
Terribly hard, every time I think we've reached a plateau and I can relax there comes another change hard on its heels. Awful place for us all to be.
x
x
Yes, it seems sometimes that there are an awful lot of us.
We've been round to my MiL's today (no dementia but has been seriously ill with COPD) and as poorly as she's been, and as frail as she is, I was still able to do her nails, she was supervising the cooking of the Sunday dinner and complaining about her new oven. We still had a laugh. Oh how I wish I could be like that with my own mam. I think I would trade dementia for almost any other illness.
We've been round to my MiL's today (no dementia but has been seriously ill with COPD) and as poorly as she's been, and as frail as she is, I was still able to do her nails, she was supervising the cooking of the Sunday dinner and complaining about her new oven. We still had a laugh. Oh how I wish I could be like that with my own mam. I think I would trade dementia for almost any other illness.
Ditto to that CG, my MIL died of cancer and hard as that was to watch at least you knew it was going to have an ending with an estimated timescale and you could still relate in the same way, dementia is vile I would definately trade xx
Ange
Ange
Thanks Ange, I wasn't sure whether I should have said that. I know there are some awful illnesses out there and I wouldn't want to upset anyone.
It's depressing reading threads like this. 
My Dad is nowhere near as far gone as most mentioned here, he's still pleasant and positive most of the time. Unpleasant dramas are infrequent. I dread what might be coming though. It's probably best for me not to think about it too much yet.
By the way, I have no doubt that dementia is the worst progressive disease of all. I'd rather have a disease slowly destroy skin, bones, muscle, nerves, kidneys, lungs, stomach, heart, eyesight, hearing etc (and there are some awful ones) than one that slowly destroys the brain. The brain is You.
My Dad is nowhere near as far gone as most mentioned here, he's still pleasant and positive most of the time. Unpleasant dramas are infrequent. I dread what might be coming though. It's probably best for me not to think about it too much yet.By the way, I have no doubt that dementia is the worst progressive disease of all. I'd rather have a disease slowly destroy skin, bones, muscle, nerves, kidneys, lungs, stomach, heart, eyesight, hearing etc (and there are some awful ones) than one that slowly destroys the brain. The brain is You.
I'm sorry, Pingu.
The worst thing about my mam's Alzheimer's is her aggression, which we have been dealing with for maybe about a year now. It's very difficult, she seems angry all the time; there is absolutely no pacifying her, even saying something totally innocuous, or even paying her a compliment just results in a vehement "Oh shut up, get out!" Or a "B****r off out of this house!" Alternatively she just won't acknowledge that I've spoken to her. It's awful, when all I want to do is give her a cuddle. But she's simply off limits to that at the moment.
But ... Please don't despair. Not everyone with Alzheimer's or other dementias will become like this. There are plenty of people on TP whose relatives with dementia are placid and easy going. Aggression is by no means inevitable. We have just been unlucky in this respect, and we hope that it will be a phase that she will come through, or that her medication will eventually help. And to be perfectly honest, although my mam had many very fine qualities, she has always been a bit prickly and difficult to please, has always been a bit tactless and convinced that she was never wrong. The Alzheimer's has just greatly exaggerated these characteristics and brought them to the fore so that now these are her main traits, and the previously greater nice, kind, funny and caring aspects of her personality are hidden, and only surface occasionally. But I know that they are still there, somewhere, and I always hope that one day they will overcome the nasty side and my mam's true personality will return.
I'm sorry to have depressed you, and would hate for you to think that the problems that we're dealing with will eventually happen to you to, because everyone is different, and you may never encounter this particular problem.
xx
The worst thing about my mam's Alzheimer's is her aggression, which we have been dealing with for maybe about a year now. It's very difficult, she seems angry all the time; there is absolutely no pacifying her, even saying something totally innocuous, or even paying her a compliment just results in a vehement "Oh shut up, get out!" Or a "B****r off out of this house!" Alternatively she just won't acknowledge that I've spoken to her. It's awful, when all I want to do is give her a cuddle. But she's simply off limits to that at the moment.
But ... Please don't despair. Not everyone with Alzheimer's or other dementias will become like this. There are plenty of people on TP whose relatives with dementia are placid and easy going. Aggression is by no means inevitable. We have just been unlucky in this respect, and we hope that it will be a phase that she will come through, or that her medication will eventually help. And to be perfectly honest, although my mam had many very fine qualities, she has always been a bit prickly and difficult to please, has always been a bit tactless and convinced that she was never wrong. The Alzheimer's has just greatly exaggerated these characteristics and brought them to the fore so that now these are her main traits, and the previously greater nice, kind, funny and caring aspects of her personality are hidden, and only surface occasionally. But I know that they are still there, somewhere, and I always hope that one day they will overcome the nasty side and my mam's true personality will return.
I'm sorry to have depressed you, and would hate for you to think that the problems that we're dealing with will eventually happen to you to, because everyone is different, and you may never encounter this particular problem.
xx
Last edited:
