The saddest visit so far

[Luckylisa]

Morning @Luckylisa Lisa, I just wanted to say that I hope my post about yesterday's experience with mum didn't upset you. I really appreciated your lovely reply. I am very aware that our mums seem to be experiencing the same stage of decline and although I felt the need to share yesterday, I am worried this may have been insensitive to your distress. What happened was totally unexpected but I am under no illusions as we all know there is no way back from this cruel disease. I'm told these things do happen and I think in some way mum just knew how bad I was feeling & something inside her prompted that reaction. I don't know what today will bring and it's likely mum will have reverted back to how she was. I am sending love and hugs to you as I know you are expecting a difficult week. Please keep sharing with me - with us all - I am here for you as I know you are for me. XXx

That's so kind of you to say that Jezzer and I was just so pleased for you and your brother. My poor Mum is still deteriorating daily. She seems to be practically unconscious now with her eyes half open and snoring. I think she also has pneumonia. She was moaning in pain occasionally yesterday so I made a real fuss to get her a morphine injection. The GP prescribed a syringe driver with all the end of life medicines yet the nurses have yet to administer it to Mum. The carets who know Mum so well have been asking the nurses to do it, but for some reading they have refused. I am so worried that she's actually in pain but cannot communicate that to us. I just don't see any harm in giving the medicine to her at this stage it seems cruel not to. Anyway I am waiting for the GP to call me back as I want her to give me clarity on any justifiable reason that the home are waiting. Then I can talk to the nurses and insist if need be. It's such a shame to have to deal with issues like this on top of everything else. Sort for ranting and I am so happy for you. Keep in touch. Xx

 

[Jezzer]

Sending out thoughts to both of you @Luckylisa and @Jezzer and wishing you strength during this painful time. Your post about your Mum's words Jezzer, how very beautiful for you. It is proof that love survives all and even when the mind is lost, the heart still knows the truth. Sending you both a cyber hug. xx

Thank you so much @Carmar xx

 

[Jezzer]

That's so kind of you to say that Jezzer and I was just so pleased for you and your brother. My poor Mum is still deteriorating daily. She seems to be practically unconscious now with her eyes half open and snoring. I think she also has pneumonia. She was moaning in pain occasionally yesterday so I made a real fuss to get her a morphine injection. The GP prescribed a syringe driver with all the end of life medicines yet the nurses have yet to administer it to Mum. The carets who know Mum so well have been asking the nurses to do it, but for some reading they have refused. I am so worried that she's actually in pain but cannot communicate that to us. I just don't see any harm in giving the medicine to her at this stage it seems cruel not to. Anyway I am waiting for the GP to call me back as I want her to give me clarity on any justifiable reason that the home are waiting. Then I can talk to the nurses and insist if need be. It's such a shame to have to deal with issues like this on top of everything else. Sort for ranting and I am so happy for you. Keep in touch. Xx

Oh you really don't need this and please, never ever apologise. You are not ranting. I don't understand the problem with administering the medicine, particularly as the carers support this and your mum appears to be in pain. Surely the most important thing here is making your mum as comfortable as possible and if that means using the medicine, then surely that is the only option. I am so sorry you have this additional problem at what is already an unbearable time for you. Sending love and wishing you strength. You are a wonderful, caring daughter xxx

 

[hilaryd]

Jezzer, what a blessing - my sister says she always treasures the memory of a day when mum smiled at her and said 'You're smashing, you are'.
Luckylisa, wishing you all the best - hope there's some peace for you and your mum soon.

 

[Jezzer]

Jezzer, what a blessing - my sister says she always treasures the memory of a day when mum smiled at her and said 'You're smashing, you are'.
Luckylisa, wishing you all the best - hope there's some peace for you and your mum soon.

Thank you so much Hilary. Indeed a blessing and just when I really needed a boost. I feel so much for Lisa. I too hope peace for she and her poor mum comes soon. How are you? xxx

 

[Luckylisa]

Thank you to all the kind people on here that have given me so much support on this final journey with Mum. We were called to the home at 11.30 this morning and Mum finally died at 2. It was just me and my brother with her. Although it was pretty terrible, the fact that Mum was with us when Dad died 7 years ago made it less frightening as we knew what to expect. I feel pretty numb now and keeping myself busy ringing people so I don't have to stop and think too much about what has happened. Thinking of you in particular Jezzer, don't be scared, I really believe Mum is happy and finally at peace now and I'm sure you will feel that way too when the time comes xxx

 

[Prudence9]

Lisa I'm so very sorry, please accept my condolences, you and your brother.
As you say, your Mum will be at peace now and you'll be able to take comfort in that.
Sending you love, hugs and strength and thinking of you xxx

 

[Jezzer]

Thank you to all the kind people on here that have given me so much support on this final journey with Mum. We were called to the home at 11.30 this morning and Mum finally died at 2. It was just me and my brother with her. Although it was pretty terrible, the fact that Mum was with us when Dad died 7 years ago made it less frightening as we knew what to expect. I feel pretty numb now and keeping myself busy ringing people so I don't have to stop and think too much about what has happened. Thinking of you in particular Jezzer, don't be scared, I really believe Mum is happy and finally at peace now and I'm sure you will feel that way too when the time comes xxx

My dear friend - I am so very sorry. I wish I could actually give you a physical hug. I know you will be distraught at losing your previous mum but also relieved that she is finally free of this dreadful disease. I too believe she is happy and in a better place. To think of me at this time speaks volumes about what a lovely, caring and kind person you are. Thank you. You will be busy in the coming weeks with arrangements etc but I am still here for you at any time. God Bless you, your family and your darling Mum. With much Love, Jan. Xxx

 

[Izzy]

I'm so sorry to read your news @Luckylisa. I'm glad your mum is at peace now and I wish you and your family strength. Sending my sincere condolences.

 

[Jezzer]

My dear friend - I am so very sorry. I wish I could actually give you a physical hug. I know you will be distraught at losing your previous mum but also relieved that she is finally free of this dreadful disease. I too believe she is happy and in a better place. To think of me at this time speaks volumes about what a lovely, caring and kind person you are. Thank you. You will be busy in the coming weeks with arrangements etc but I am still here for you at any time. God Bless you, your family and your darling Mum. With much Love, Jan. Xxx

"precious" So sorry . Predictive text.

 

[Norfolk Cherry]

Lisa my heart goes out to you, and to all of you loving people who have loved and lost the people they are close to. There are some very heartfelt words here. I have heard it said that it can help the person at the end to reassure them that they can "let go" My friend's father was very distressed and said "I don't know what to do?" She said to him, "do nothing dad, you just need to let go" He died that night. I don't know if there is any truth in this explanation, but it stayed with me. Take care Lisa, you are the best daughter and your mum loves you so much. You will never lose her love, and it will be passed through you to your own children.

 

[canary]

((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))) @Luckylisa
The very final stage can be harrowing, but Im glad you felt able to stay with her and I expect that you will be glad too.
She is at peace now - try and get some peace yourself. There are very many things that have to be done, but please look after yourself during this time

 

[Timeout]

Please accept my condolences, look after yourself xx

 

[Kikki21]

Thank you to all the kind people on here that have given me so much support on this final journey with Mum. We were called to the home at 11.30 this morning and Mum finally died at 2. It was just me and my brother with her. Although it was pretty terrible, the fact that Mum was with us when Dad died 7 years ago made it less frightening as we knew what to expect. I feel pretty numb now and keeping myself busy ringing people so I don't have to stop and think too much about what has happened. Thinking of you in particular Jezzer, don't be scared, I really believe Mum is happy and finally at peace now and I'm sure you will feel that way too when the time comes xxx

Oh Lisa - I am so sad to hear this & I hope that everything was peaceful. I am so glad your brother was with you & sending you both big hugs. You have each other & that’s good. It seems the home knew the end was coming soon with his your mum was. It is still so sad xx

 

[worried2]

Hello Lisa, I'm so very sorry to read your sad news. I hope in time the pain will ease and you will be left with happy memories of your dear mum. Thinking of you and your brother, wishing you strength to cope with the difficult weeks ahead. Take care Xx

 

[yak55]

its been a long road with this Alzheimer's for my Mum, 13 years. She's been in a care home for 3 and for most of that time very happy in the diseases blissful ignorance as every last part of dignity is stripped away from this once beautiful confident lady. Nevertheless the last month saw her refusing to eat and she is now only in bed, crying out for her mother and sometimes for me. The doctor has prescribed end of life medicine but she isn't being given it yet. We cannot know how long she has so our lives are on hold in this twilight world of waiting yet still trying to carry on our normal lives with work every day amongst people oblivious to the pain we shove down deep so as not to let it show.

The ch asked me to pick out an outfit for her final journey yesterday, so whilst she lay in her bed in her own restless world I tried to imagine what she would have wanted to wear in the cold restraints of a coffin. I still couldn't cry and chatted to her with a happy voice despite the lack of response. It was hard to choose as her poor body has withered away so much I don't know what will fit, but settled on a lovely outfit never worn in the home as it wouldn't have been appropriate there. Who could have imagined its purpose when I rescued it from The family home several years ago?

After 2 hours I told Mum I was going and kissed her, at that moment she called out "I love you, I love you" in a strong clear voice. Then I did cry.

This disease is so very cruel, yet we are always surprised when the person we love so much breaks through despite everything and for that I will always be grateful.

I don't think I have long to wait now, my husband said it's a bit like when he was at work waiting for the call from me to say the baby was coming. I suppose it is in someways but the end rather than the beginning.

Sob.....I'm so sorry x

 

[Lindy50]

So sorry to hear your news Lisa. I hope that you and your brother feel some relief, as well as grief, that your dear mother is now at peace.
Wishing you strength at this time and in the future.
Condolences,
Lindy xx

 

[Jezzer]

Lisa my heart goes out to you, and to all of you loving people who have loved and lost the people they are close to. There are some very heartfelt words here. I have heard it said that it can help the person at the end to reassure them that they can "let go" My friend's father was very distressed and said "I don't know what to do?" She said to him, "do nothing dad, you just need to let go" He died that night. I don't know if there is any truth in this explanation, but it stayed with me. Take care Lisa, you are the best daughter and your mum loves you so much. You will never lose her love, and it will be passed through you to your own children.

Thank you to all the kind people on here that have given me so much support on this final journey with Mum. We were called to the home at 11.30 this morning and Mum finally died at 2. It was just me and my brother with her. Although it was pretty terrible, the fact that Mum was with us when Dad died 7 years ago made it less frightening as we knew what to expect. I feel pretty numb now and keeping myself busy ringing people so I don't have to stop and think too much about what has happened. Thinking of you in particular Jezzer, don't be scared, I really believe Mum is happy and finally at peace now and I'm sure you will feel that way too when the time comes xxx

Hello my friends. I have to tell you about our visit today. As I've mentioned, mum has been non responsive and sleeping constantly for some time. When my brother and I walked into her room, she was awake and a carer had just finished feeding her lunch! I was absolutely stunned, as was my brother! She woke last night and had been quite vocal apparently. We received that beautiful smile too! Part of her mind is having a conversation with herself but there is part of her still with us. I told her I loved her and she replied "I love you too my little girl". I was just amazed and it was a beautiful moment. There has been no speech so how can this happen? I spoke with the nurse who said this was not uncommon. She also took some juice. I had to tell her to suck but that was OK. I am still in shock but in a good way. She reverted to sleeping again but for a time, we had a glimpse of our old mum. A moment to treasure today. Thanks for reading this; I had to share it. Love and (((hugs))) to you all x

After a couple of special days with Mum, I arrived this morning to find my darling mum in a state I've not seen before. Head turned away to the wall, no recognition, no words. No response to my asking if she's like a drink. Mum seemed agitated and my holding her and and stroking her head seemed to agitate her more. Her eyes were half open but seemed glazed. What a shock after yesterday. CH will request GP visit tomorrow if no change. Were the past few days a farewell? I just don't know. Once again this disease takes another unpleasant turn. Thank you for listening.

 

[Norfolk Cherry]

After a couple of special days with Mum, I arrived this morning to find my darling mum in a state I've not seen before. Head turned away to the wall, no recognition, no words. No response to my asking if she's like a drink. Mum seemed agitated and my holding her and and stroking her head seemed to agitate her more. Her eyes were half open but seemed glazed. What a shock after yesterday. CH will request GP visit tomorrow if no change. Were the past few days a farewell? I just don't know. Once again this disease takes another unpleasant turn. Thank you for listening.

Oh dear Jezzza, this is so hard for you both. I am thinking about you tonight and sending my love, and hope for a resolution to this situation.

 

[Prudence9]

Hope the GP can ease your concerns tomorrow Jezzer and I hope you can get some rest tonight.
What a shock for you and how quickly things change.
Will be thinking of you and your Mum, sending love and hugs xxxxx