Thinking of you both, Lisa and Jezzer. It's such a difficult time, but one of the final things we can do for our lovely mothers is be with them on this final part of their journey. Somehow you will find the strength, and hopefully the fact that you were there with them will give you comfort in future. Look after yourselves Xx
The saddest visit so far
- Thread starter Luckylisa
- Start date
Lisa and Jezzer, thinking of you both and wishing you all the strength you need to get through this time. The toll it takes is enormous.
My Mum would look up to a corner of the room and smile and I would tell her to go with whoever it was, that she was ok to go if she wanted to.
It's so hard.
(((Hugs)))
My Mum would look up to a corner of the room and smile and I would tell her to go with whoever it was, that she was ok to go if she wanted to.
It's so hard.
(((Hugs)))
I lived 100's miles away when my Dad died - the last time I had seen him about 8 weeks earlier - he had been fit and well, he was only 57 - I needed to see him after his death, just to convince myself that he actually was dead. That was right for me and, I think, him.
My Mum lived on and on and in the last years we all knew she had an aortic aneurysm. I still lived 100's miles away. I visited her regularly, and each time I left, she would stand at the window and wave, and as I drove away, I would look in the rear view mirror and think that would maybe the last time I saw her - and I am pretty sure she felt the same. And one day it was.
I did not view my Mother's body, I knew she was dead, she was 91, and we knew the aneurysm would get her one day. That was right for me- to remember her stood at the window waving goodbye. It was right for her, she was a proud woman, and would not have liked us peering at her dead body.
I have asked my kids not to view me when I am gone.
End point is that we each have to do what is felt to be right for us on the occasion - if you feel it is right, then it IS right.
@Luckylisa I think you are probably right Lisa. I know those of us going through this are all stressed but in my heart I know something's not right. I'll ring surgery tomorrow although getting an appointment won't be easy! My OH died suddenly in 2000 and mum helped pull me through. Sadly I couldn't have children and I now live with my brother, he never married. So it's just us too but we have extended family and good friends. Mum - helped by my then young brother - cared at home for my lovely dad when he developed Motor Neurone Disease in 1964. It was pretty much unheard of then and Dad died in 1966. His body gave up but his mind was as sharp as a knife until the end which was pretty awful. This lovely lady managed to do all this with a "district nurse" calling twice a week, a part-time job and two young children. There was no help other than that. She has endured so much yet been loving and kind all her life and totally unselfish. She doesn't deserve this - neither does your own precious mum and all the other folk stricken with this cruel, sadistic illness. I'm sorry to have ranted on. My brother is suffering too but men tend not to show their feelings. I'm so grateful to the marvellous folk on TP. I will shut up now! Thanks Lisa xxx
Hello my friends. I have to tell you about our visit today. As I've mentioned, mum has been non responsive and sleeping constantly for some time. When my brother and I walked into her room, she was awake and a carer had just finished feeding her lunch! I was absolutely stunned, as was my brother! She woke last night and had been quite vocal apparently. We received that beautiful smile too! Part of her mind is having a conversation with herself but there is part of her still with us. I told her I loved her and she replied "I love you too my little girl". I was just amazed and it was a beautiful moment. There has been no speech so how can this happen? I spoke with the nurse who said this was not uncommon. She also took some juice. I had to tell her to suck but that was OK. I am still in shock but in a good way. She reverted to sleeping again but for a time, we had a glimpse of our old mum. A moment to treasure today. Thanks for reading this; I had to share it. Love and (((hugs))) to you all x
Thank you for the good wishes @Jezzer & I just read the whole thread before I replied & saw that you had had a lovely visit today.
And also to say that sometimes it is ok not to visit if you feel it is too much. My fiancé & I visited my mum every single day that she was in the big hospital which was quite something. Obviously if your PWD is unwell then you will want to see them but please don’t beat yourself up if you can’t make it.
I need to be in a good mindset to see my mum, as it is so difficult. If I am stressed or upset, I find she can pick up on it & it makes her crotchety too. It’s not a good mix. I have not seen her for a few days but I have her 3rd lot of slippers now arrived so I will go & see her tomorrow.
Sending big hugs to you xx
Oh @Jezzer, that's just wonderful. I'm so glad your mum was able to speak to you, and that when did, she said such a lovely thing. And a beautiful smile too. I'm sure you'll treasure this visit. Just brilliant!
Hope you sleep wel, tonight.
Hugs,
Lindy xx
Thank you @Kikki21 I have thought about what you've said and wonder if mum's agitation that day last week was because I was so churned up inside. She could always sense when things weren't right with me. Maybe she sensed it that day although I always paint a smile on my face. Anyway, I so appreciate your kind words. (((big hugs))) on their way back to you xxx
Hi Lindy. It was quite surreal. I thought she had somehow summoned up the ability from deep inside to say that to me. She knows I love her and I know she still loves me. What a priceless gift! Thank you so much for your message (((hugs))) to you too xxx
Hi @Jezzer i wonder that about my mum, too. Last week I was feeling particularly sad, and she actually said, "you look different today" (!!). I passed it off with oh, I'm not wearing make-up, which I don't think she really understood.....but yes, I think my mum can definitely still sense emotions.....x
A priceless gift indeed. A wonderful thing to have.....I will try to remember it when things are not so good xx
I think so Lindy I really do. It will be interesting to see how Mum reacts today when I visit. I'm being cautious because I know what happened was likely a one-off so to speak, but I'll report back later xx
Morning @Luckylisa Lisa, I just wanted to say that I hope my post about yesterday's experience with mum didn't upset you. I really appreciated your lovely reply. I am very aware that our mums seem to be experiencing the same stage of decline and although I felt the need to share yesterday, I am worried this may have been insensitive to your distress. What happened was totally unexpected but I am under no illusions as we all know there is no way back from this cruel disease. I'm told these things do happen and I think in some way mum just knew how bad I was feeling & something inside her prompted that reaction. I don't know what today will bring and it's likely mum will have reverted back to how she was. I am sending love and hugs to you as I know you are expecting a difficult week. Please keep sharing with me - with us all - I am here for you as I know you are for me. XXx
