The roller coaster of the end

Discussion in 'End of life care' started by MrsTerryN, Oct 10, 2016.

  1. MrsTerryN

    MrsTerryN Registered User

    Dec 17, 2012
    769
    I remember reading about someone's mum, i think craigmaid, who would appear to be at the brink and recover.
    How did you cope?
    How do people cope with that
    They are telling me mum is nearing the end. She drinks a little but not much food.
    She is still sometimes mobile and sometimes.. doing things.
    How is this the end?
    She sleeps like dad did just before he died, with her eyes half open.
     
  2. jorgieporgie

    jorgieporgie Registered User

    Mar 2, 2016
    1,985
    YORKSHIRE
    The same here, Mum not eaten for nearly nine weeks now just small spoonfulls of porridge an soups. Drinks fluids but not enough in a day, bowels open once a week, passing urine twice a day.
    Some days can walk a bit others bent over and can not move.
    I was told just to keep her comfortable, I think its just a long waiting game, so so cruel this disease. Your not on your own always here to talk too. x
     
  3. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,551
    Ireland
    Can't offer any comfort to either of you. Just know that you aren't alone. (((x))) big hugs to you both.
     
  4. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    11,071
    Female
    South coast
    This year I have twice been told that we are at the end for mum. The first time was after she caught pneumonia and the second time she just stopped eating and drinking. She is still with us.
    I posted on here at a time when I really thought it was the end, got a shed load of support and then mum recovered - which was lovely, but slightly embarrassing :eek: Cragmaid made me feel a whole load better by telling me that the same thing had happened to her mum.

    Its the not knowing that is hardest.
     
  5. silverdaisy

    silverdaisy Registered User

    Sep 21, 2016
    6
    Just wanted to echo those who said you're not alone. The doctor thought my dad was at the end a month or so ago, now they're saying weeks. The horrible feeling of those few days has lifted a bit but I'm still constantly on alert.
     
  6. MrsTerryN

    MrsTerryN Registered User

    Dec 17, 2012
    769
    Thanks. I have told her brothers. Jorgie sounds just like mum :(
    Thanks LadyA
    Canary that is what i was wondering. Kinda feel like i should put everything on hold for mum
    So hard silverdaisy
     
  7. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    7,004
    Suffolk
    My OH was called three times cos his father was near the end. Twice he wasn't! (January and March). He was called again in mid May. Even so, fil didn't die for a fortnight, by which time we were on holiday! OH said it was one of his worse jobs, arranging a funeral before the person had died! But the fd, and the minister didn't bat an eyelid, they had seen it all before ( and this was 30 years ago).
     
  8. PeggySmith

    PeggySmith Registered User

    Apr 16, 2012
    1,683
    BANES
    In January we were told MIL was end of life. Still waiting. It's not easy is it?
     
  9. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    7,942
    North East England
    I promise that....eventually....the end will come. :D:D In fact " Nothing can be certain but death and taxes"...Benjamin Franklin.

    Just don't hold your breath waiting.:D:D

    You all know me by now ( I hope:rolleyes:) I am totally sympathetic to carer's needs and moods. I know how it feels to sit and wait, and wait and tell people you are standing by, and then have to say "false alarm" again. You feel an idiot, a doom-monger, a pessimist. But, in fact, what you really are is a spouse or a child or a friend of someone who is struggling to stay alive or struggling to let go of this life...... and while they struggle, you suffer too.

    Love to you all.....Maureen.x.x.
     
  10. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,551
    Ireland
    I hope you saved the thread - save everyone posting again! :D
    One can only find a sort of dark humour to try and lighten these situations. And some of the other awful situations of caring. Without it, I don't think we could carry on.
     
  11. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    11,071
    Female
    South coast
    Oh Im all into recycling Lady A :p
     
  12. Abbsy

    Abbsy Registered User

    Jul 28, 2016
    9
    Staffordshire
    I'm going through the same with my mum, 89 years old, not taking any food and somehow surviving on just a sip of 'Ensure' every now and then. Three times this year we've been 'prepared for the worst', first time during my daughter's A-level exams, second time on my 50th birthday, and again now.

    I feel it's like the old analogy of someone having a gun pressed against their head, only to find it isn't loaded. I'm sure people think I'm a drama queen now, but each time I've gone through the anxiety and grief associated with bereavement, and each time I've been left with less resilience and energy than before.

    How and why my mum keeps on going I don't know: this sounds so wrong, but I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. I have no siblings and my husband works away all week. My hands are permanently shaking now and I haven't slept properly for weeks. She's on my mind all the time, and every time the phone rings I think "this is it".

    I experienced carer burnout (and chicken pox due to a weakened immune system) a couple of weeks ago, and as a result mum was admitted to hospital. From there, she was sent to a (notoriously poor) care home, and I've been fighting the NHS for the last two weeks to get her moved to somewhere safer and nicer. If she passes away in that awful place I will never forgive myself.

    This disease is so cruel to the PWD and their families. I'm so sorry to hear that others are suffering in this way, but it kind of helps knowing that others experience the emotional rollercoaster.
     
  13. MrsTerryN

    MrsTerryN Registered User

    Dec 17, 2012
    769
    Have to say we were doing that last night.
    Mum was very pragmatic and would have laughed.
    I think it is very important.
     
  14. MrsTerryN

    MrsTerryN Registered User

    Dec 17, 2012
    769
    I really take great solace that i am not alone i also have to say. Dont like the idea of others suffering buuut nice to know i am not alone.
    I too am an only child.
    I have in place that if mum passes overnight they will call me inthe morning. It was difficult enough when dad was dying in 2014.
     
  15. Gwendy1

    Gwendy1 Registered User

    Feb 9, 2016
    414
    Glasgow
    I can't help, only sympathise! So worrying and stressful. Take care. X


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  16. Abbsy

    Abbsy Registered User

    Jul 28, 2016
    9
    Staffordshire
    That's a very good idea - I hadn't thought of that.
     
  17. MrsTerryN

    MrsTerryN Registered User

    Dec 17, 2012
    769
    So today went in to see mum.. timed it for lunch. I wanted to make sure that the staff didnt force her to eat....soooo mum is in bed fingers in her lunch making great inroads into curried sausages.
    So i clean her up and start feeding her.. soo sausages gone.. most of the roasted pumpkin and then she ate the water melon. Thhhnen drank half a can of fanta.
    I spoke to sister and it was interesting, she said "your mother is better than the weekend but she is continuing to deteriorate " once again she checked out arrangements.
    This sister has known mum the two and a half years since mum has been in care .
    It might sound odd but i am grateful they check on me and what i need to do. Ot would be so easy just to say " oh she is improving " .
    They are going to keep mum in bed with the rails up apart from a brief time in the chair after her shower. Mum apparently cant stay upright at her table for meals.
    Ps... this is just me waffling. Kinda nice to have somewhere to look back on.
     
  18. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    11,071
    Female
    South coast
    Waffling is fine :)
    Its amazing how their eating can change so quickly, eh?
     
  19. MrsTerryN

    MrsTerryN Registered User

    Dec 17, 2012
    769
    Yep... i think mum ate more at lunch today than she has eaten in the last week total
     
  20. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    7,942
    North East England
    I remember that during her last week or so, Mum decided that she wanted the soup, leek and potato, for lunch. The CH made all their own soups and this had huge chunks of potato, so I had to mash them down then it was a case of shovelling it in as fast as possible while she was propped up in bed....actually it was nearly a case of pouring in straight down her neck....she was like a baby bird - open beak, drop in food, close beak....and repeat!....then she asked for seconds!:eek::rolleyes::rolleyes:

    Another day she had one of the carers standing feeding her pinches of egg sandwiches.... she enjoyed her grub did my Mum.;):D
     

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