I am a new member and have an aunt (91) 40 miles away who is approaching end stage. My 2 male cousins are at logger heads. Elder brother (A) has severe health issues (now stroke in last week). Younger bro(B) has ringfenced his position as sole carer with PA. However, B is a classic hoarder in denial. Since he moved in as my uncle went blind and later died, her orderly home as gone to rack and ruin (eg 3 vacuums in pieces and house not cleaned at all in at least 5 years.) I told him and wrote to him about my concerns re: sanitation and health care to no avail and when she was finally diagnosed with stroke/vascular Dementia 8 months ago I alerted the GP practice to the squalor and blew the whistle at the hospital before Occ Therapists visit, risking his pulling up the drawbridge. Under duress he bought a vac and cleaned just enough space for her to return.The kitchen remains unspeakable. All I can do now is support and listen on phone as he offloads the daily battles but at least SS and nurses are going in 3 times a day and she is apparently settled in the routines of the nurses and carers allowed in 3 times a day. it is a living nightmare. I can do no more but I fear he will become overwhelmed as he neglects his own health and cannot make rational decisions or "let go".