1. STEPHKATH

    STEPHKATH Registered User

    Jan 8, 2016
    3
    I am a new member and have an aunt (91) 40 miles away who is approaching end stage.
    My 2 male cousins are at logger heads. Elder brother (A) has severe health issues (now stroke in last week). Younger bro(B) has ringfenced his position as sole carer with PA.
    However, B is a classic hoarder in denial. Since he moved in as my uncle went blind and later died, her orderly home as gone to rack and ruin (eg 3 vacuums in pieces and house not cleaned at all in at least 5 years.)
    I told him and wrote to him about my concerns re: sanitation and health care to no avail and when she was finally diagnosed with stroke/vascular Dementia 8 months ago I alerted the GP practice to the squalor and blew the whistle at the hospital before Occ Therapists visit, risking his pulling up the drawbridge. Under duress he bought a vac and cleaned just enough space for her to return.The kitchen remains unspeakable. All I can do now is support and listen on phone as he offloads the daily battles but at least SS and nurses are going in 3 times a day and she is apparently settled in the routines of the nurses and carers allowed in 3 times a day.

    it is a living nightmare. I can do no more but I fear he will become overwhelmed as he neglects his own health and cannot make rational decisions or "let go".
     
  2. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,740
    Sounds to me as though you are doing a brilliant job of overseeing this - without you the return home would have been far less smooth. It is a lot to ask of you to deal with all of this though. Keep posting there is a lot of support on here and people will be happy to help :)
     
  3. STEPHKATH

    STEPHKATH Registered User

    Jan 8, 2016
    3
    Hoarding and dementia

    Thanks. It helps to put this down as I can now see how it has played out....I am glad that I did intervene and faced up to the issue...he still speaks and sometimes listens to me. I can still visit when I can stomach it. Hoarding is hell....and she seems oblivious to it. When is the right time to act? When did she become so passive? When did dementia start? her clock certainly stopped when my uncle died.
    At first I took her mental decline as just "old age" but ragedto see their isolation and the level of neglect and humiliation to my aunt (dirty trousers falling down while in public). even though he is devoted to her. In spite of the frequent red alerts and dramas, at this stage, I have to acknowledge that she now has the professional care, familiar surroundings and his loving efforts ( though maybe she sees him as a replacement for her husband) which is all she needs. She has come through but what price to the Carer and the rest of us who look on helplessly.
     
  4. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,740
    This is so tricky and ultimately as you suggest could bring on a situation where care at home is going to be impossible. Hoarding to that level is a mental illness in itself and he really needs some help but I'm not sure there is any available in this country even if he would accept it.

    My guess is that to get the kitchen and toilets clean and then a cleaner in would at least pre-empt outside intervention in the immediate future but I am assuming that even with a threat that like presented to him directly it is not enough to propel him forward?

    ~Sorry I can't be of more use other than to HUGELY sympathise in a helpless way. I can only see that your 'monitoring' is so vital to keeping your aunt safe but can see a point where you might have to involve outside agencies.

    keep posting x
     
  5. STEPHKATH

    STEPHKATH Registered User

    Jan 8, 2016
    3
    thanks for your concern. I have researched Hoarding thoroughly but strangely found no mention of the Hoarder as a carer except in relation to children. It is now a registered psychological Anxiety disorder but limited avenues to tackle it. I have to have faith in the visiting professionals to act in my aunts best interests. Thankfully his brother's family includes a newly qualified doctor returned to England and she is being proactive...but we are scattered across the country whilst he, who is himself mentally vulnerable, is in charge 24/7. Fingers crossed, the problem is contained for the time being.
     

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