The past coming back to haunt the family

[Countryboy]

Thank you Beate for your comments sorry but I myself goes off on a bit of a rant when after been diagnosed with dementia my self 16 years ago now I had to battle and fight to continue working for Local Government, the DVLA, and Gun Licensing authority who who thought a person with dementia should give up all the aforementioned yet myself I still feel fine and apart from working because I'm 72 can still do all those thing as well as ever "YES" when in conversation I loose or can't find the words I swear a considerable lot but I married into the Travelling community so they relations haven't a problem with that at all ( just supporting the person with dementia )

Thanks Beate take care
cheers Tony

 

[kingybell]

Thanks. I didn't mean to cause an online argument.
My husband and daughter are round there now speaking to nanny.
The compromise is that we go see nanny when I get home from work which is about 7pm.

 

[jaymor]

Kingsbell please don't apologise, you asked for advice and what is being said is your daughter needs to be protected from the language used not from her Grandmother. Her Grandmother has no control over what she says and I am sure it is not constant and may pass but until it does then what you are proposing to do will solve the problem until this particular problem passes.

 

[jugglingmum]

Aren't we all forgetting someone here? Yes, of course action needs to be taken, but why should the granddaughter be the priority? They should both be equally important and should be treated with the same care and respect. The mother has been abused in the past, that past is now again her present, it's disturbing for her and she needs love and distraction and perhaps even counselling if she can still take it in, especially now that she no longer is allowed to look after her granddaughter which she loves to do. I agree the current situation is unsustainable but simply separating the two does not solve the whole issue. The fact that she doesn't realise that her behaviour and speech is inappropriate does not mean that she hasn't got feelings anymore that need addressing. So please look into that as well instead of just focusing on keeping her away from her granddaughter because her feelings matter as well.

I agree with you that she needs to still see her granddaughter, whilst I wouldn't let my mum look after my son (age 9) anymore, I make sure she sees a lot of him, and that he finds suitable games to play with grandma. My daughter (age 14) can be left on her own, but I wouldn't leave her in the house with grandma as then she feels she has to take responsibility for grandma.

However the issues with the 5 year old daughter are extreme, and I am sure Kingybell wants to do her best to look after both. In my experience of girls (and more so their parents) once something unacceptable happens the child is isolated, and this would have severe long term consequences, including needing to move the child to another school. The child at my daughter's school was isolated and her parents did move her to another school.

 

[Chemmy]

I'm sure we all agree that contact between the two should be maintained as long as it is under supervision.

I'm sorry but I still feel strongly that the needs of the five year old must take priority.

This is such a distressing situation for you, kingybell, and I applaud you and your OH for taking such a difficult decision but rest assured, it is the right one.

 

[kingybell]

Sorry after this post I am going to sign off this thread. We have taken action and sorted childcare for this week and next week is holiday club so no probs there.

Thank you all for your support in helping me make a difficult decision. I would like to say that the word my daughter used wasn't extreme (I believe the Americans use it for the word 'bum') but I personally hate it.
Hopefully no damage has been done and the words we found are just on the notepad and conversations have happened away from my daughter. For now I will not even bother to mention anything to her.

I do want to say she's a remarkable little girl who is aware her nanny has dementia. She is so sensible and I am proud of how she has been up to this point. Her class teacher knows about it all and is around for her. This is more than just a nan and granddaughter relationship she has been like a second mum to both of us.xx

 

[CollegeGirl]

It sounds like you are all sorted, Kingybell. Good luck to you all xx

 

[MLM]

Edited as I see that you have sorted childcare now.