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The new normal

Justmary

Registered User
Jul 12, 2018
87
West Midlands
Last year I tried taking my husband to day care. He got very angry and refused to stay. Now he has started going twice a week - he's only had 3 sessions but it's all going well. How come? It's because he has deteriorated so much. He's incontinent, he shuffles rather than walks, he seldom speaks or reacts to speech. He's hardly aware of anything happening around him. It's all happened so quickly. Three months ago we were going out for meals, travelling by train, meeting up with friends. And that's it. I see it every day and I can still hardly believe that this is the new "normal".
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,515
N Ireland
Yes, it can be a shock. The extent to which my wife has deteriorated and our lives changed over the last year is staggering.

Dementia is akin to shifting sands.
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,828
Looking back I feel amazed at the things we used to do! Even when memory started to go. Now I float with the current as much as possible, our best days are quiet days.
Perhaps time to change your name from Just Mary to Magnificent Mary, you are doing such a grand job. I think we are all training for a marathon of some kind.
Accepting what normal is a good start. Xxx
 

Justmary

Registered User
Jul 12, 2018
87
West Midlands
Looking back I feel amazed at the things we used to do! Even when memory started to go. Now I float with the current as much as possible, our best days are quiet days.
Perhaps time to change your name from Just Mary to Magnificent Mary, you are doing such a grand job. I think we are all training for a marathon of some kind.
Accepting what normal is a good start. Xxx
Oh @AliceA - what a lovely reply, you made me feel so good. It's a bit sad but true that we expect so little for ourselves that an unexpected act of kindness makes us feel great. May I suggest a little addition to your name, "Amazing Alice". Take care.
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
782
Hi @Justmary, I'm pleased for you and your husband that the Day Care is going well - it must help you immensely. As you say the deterioration can be quite astonishing - I remembered people passing commentary on Mum (when they only occasionally saw her), and it was only when I then looked back in my diary I was keeping that I then realised myself how much had changed and to my astonishment how quickly (the space of a few months). Resetting the new baseline is quite difficult, especially when you get the occasional glimpse of the past. I wish you all the best with the Day Care - every day is a new challenge I'm sure, stay strong and look after yourself too.
 

PalSal

Registered User
Dec 4, 2011
850
Pratteln Switzerland
With you on this Just Mary....it is such a relief yet further sadness that their deterioration gives us some freedom ie they go to daycare. It took years for my Nick to be ready for daycare. Now he goes like a lamb. He remembers nothing of his day. Does not know who he is with, yet they are kind and gentle with him. And he is always ready to go, so at some inner place he knows he is cared for and he knows he is safe. For the last 5 or 6 years he did not ever want to be alone in the house. So, luckily he has no problems with the people I have on contract for Mansitting (ie my nights out). Going with the flow....and trying to not be taken off guard by the next step whatever that may be. Preparation for the unknown and untimed!
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,828
Oh @AliceA - what a lovely reply, you made me feel so good. It's a bit sad but true that we expect so little for ourselves that an unexpected act of kindness makes us feel great. May I suggest a little addition to your name, "Amazing Alice". Take care.
Xxx
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,675
Last year I tried taking my husband to day care. He got very angry and refused to stay. Now he has started going twice a week - he's only had 3 sessions but it's all going well. How come? It's because he has deteriorated so much. He's incontinent, he shuffles rather than walks, he seldom speaks or reacts to speech. He's hardly aware of anything happening around him. It's all happened so quickly. Three months ago we were going out for meals, travelling by train, meeting up with friends. And that's it. I see it every day and I can still hardly believe that this is the new "normal".
I am so sad for you both, a cruel relentless disease
“Normal” doesn’t quite fit in life’s little twists & turns anymore does it. I feel like I’m in that Dali painting of the melting clock!!
too surreal to comprehend.