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The Mum I've lost....


Registered User
Oct 18, 2010
North East England
....is the Mum here in this picture. It's the smiling lady who I took to London and whose photograph I took on the London Eye. It's the lady in the wedding hat, the lady on the beach. It's the lady in all the photographs in the box marked Mum.

It is not the image I have in my mind, that of an old lady, skin and bone, sticky eyed and hair unwashed.....

I've spent all week dealing with this and that, all the practicalities of a death and funeral. Someone asked my why or how I was coping so calmly. This bit is the easy bit...this is paperwork. I'm good at paperwork.
But I'm scared.....because when the paperwork is done, I'll have to start thinking about the emotional bits.......and then, I know it'll start to hurt.

I've followed most of Mum's requests ( except for missing one hymn out....it was beginning to look a bit like Songs of Praise:D). She's going into Church on Sunday March 8th and then Service on the Monday followed by the Crem and the Wake. Sister will be home from Africa for a couple of weeks so we can busy busy for a while.......but one day soon I'll have to think about a new direction for me...but not yet, not today.

Thank you all for your continued support. Love to you all, Maureen.x.x.


Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
It's a lovely photo Maureen. Try not to think too far ahead . Xx

We will meditate on the 8th and 9th for you and your mum.


Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
West Hertfordshire
Part of you has already mourned in that you recognise that the lady that died was not your mum, she was someone in her clothes with the same name.

Remember what she was, and all that she stood for when she was the mum you knew.

Be good to yourself, xx


Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
What a lovely photograph. Your mum so suits that green.

Wishing you strength.


Registered User
Aug 30, 2012
Brixham Devon
Bless you Maureen, and your dear, beautiful Mum. When we have the paperwork/funerals to do we have to put our emotions on hold-well to some extent anyway.I hope that you start to remember her as she was soon. That's all we can ask for really. The process of grieving is a painful road to have to take, but it has to be walked to come out the other side. I think THAT's when we start to remember our loved ones as they were.

You have my love and sympathy-I do understand




Registered User
Mar 26, 2011
Near Southampton
That's a lovely photo and one full of happy memories for you.
I hope these memories will eventually take over from the other, more recent, ones you are holding now.

Yes, I always think that the time after the funeral is when it all hit you so very hard and you realise this is the way it will be for ever more.
Lots of sympathy and understanding Maureen. xxx


Registered User
Mar 26, 2013
Sending you sympathy.
Let yourself grieve, let the tears fall you have lost your Mum and it hurts whether one had already started to grieve for the person they were before Dementia kicked in.
You may go through a variety of emotions, guilt, remembering your Mum in years gone past, sharing talk of happy and sad times with friends and relatives at the funeral- it all helps you on your path of grieving .Look after your self too the time before a funeral can be very busy as you contact people and start to sort out legal matters about your Mum and estate etc.
Almost a year and 3 months since my dear Mum died it has got easier I think of Mum at all sort of odd times. I have what I call "Mum moments" -like going into the supermarket and once the Valentine cards were gone there was a huge display of Mother's day cards cue lump in throat as I cannot ever send her one again . But I have loads of happy memories and these get me through .
All good wishes,

Ann Mac

Registered User
Oct 17, 2013
What a beautiful photograph, Maureen x

Sending you lots of positive thoughts and hoping that the good memories you have help you cope with whats to come. Will be thinking of you on the 8th and 9th, hun xxx

Sue J

Registered User
Dec 9, 2009
What a lovely picture of your Mum, and the lovely memories that you can bring to mind Maureen. I hope those are the memories that will remain and that the more difficult ones will be taken away as you work through your grief day at a time.


Registered User
May 11, 2010
Wisbech, Cambridgeshire
Such a lovely photo Maureen, reminds me of my Nan too!

I will also have you and your Mum in my thoughts especially on the 8th & 9th (both of you already are very much in my thoughts day to day)


Registered User
Sep 7, 2012
Such a lovely photo, such warm, friendly eyes.
Good that you will be able to spend some time with your sister.

A welcoming into the bosom of her Church on Sunday and Monday sending her further on her journey(albeit one hymn shy of her quota:)) she would be glad and proud, as you should be too.

Peace and love to you and all her family. x


Registered User
May 23, 2014
Lovely photo of your Mum, Maureen. Try to remember her as she was then and not through the sadder times. Loving thoughts WIFE


Registered User
May 10, 2010
A lovely photo of your Mum, Maureen, a lovely lady. I think of you often and especially going through this most difficult time.

I also hope you are coping and am wishing you continued strength in the days ahead. The time will come when the bad memories start to gradually fade and are replaced by the good ones. One day at a time...

You will be in my thoughts on Monday 9th as you will be in many others here on TP.

Loo xxx