1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    7,963
    North East England
    ....is the Mum here in this picture. It's the smiling lady who I took to London and whose photograph I took on the London Eye. It's the lady in the wedding hat, the lady on the beach. It's the lady in all the photographs in the box marked Mum.

    It is not the image I have in my mind, that of an old lady, skin and bone, sticky eyed and hair unwashed.....

    I've spent all week dealing with this and that, all the practicalities of a death and funeral. Someone asked my why or how I was coping so calmly. This bit is the easy bit...this is paperwork. I'm good at paperwork.
    But I'm scared.....because when the paperwork is done, I'll have to start thinking about the emotional bits.......and then, I know it'll start to hurt.

    I've followed most of Mum's requests ( except for missing one hymn out....it was beginning to look a bit like Songs of Praise:D). She's going into Church on Sunday March 8th and then Service on the Monday followed by the Crem and the Wake. Sister will be home from Africa for a couple of weeks so we can busy busy for a while.......but one day soon I'll have to think about a new direction for me...but not yet, not today.

    Thank you all for your continued support. Love to you all, Maureen.x.x.
     

    Attached Files:

  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,578
    Kent
    It's a lovely photo Maureen. Try not to think too far ahead . Xx

    We will meditate on the 8th and 9th for you and your mum.
     
  3. Caroleca

    Caroleca Registered User

    Jan 11, 2014
    332
    Ontario canada
    Beautiful Maureen!!! Reminds me of my nana....same smile. Take good care.
    Carole
     
  4. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    7,963
    North East England
    I love the thought that you will meditate for us...I know I will sense your kindness.x.x.
     
  5. Jessbow

    Jessbow Registered User

    Part of you has already mourned in that you recognise that the lady that died was not your mum, she was someone in her clothes with the same name.

    Remember what she was, and all that she stood for when she was the mum you knew.

    Be good to yourself, xx
     
  6. bilslin

    bilslin Registered User

    Jan 17, 2014
    768
    hertforshire
    Hi Maureen my hear goes out to you. Now you have to mourn for the second time. God bless .lindaxx
     
  7. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,590
    Female
    Dundee
    What a lovely photograph. Your mum so suits that green.

    Wishing you strength.
     
  8. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,968
    Brixham Devon
    Bless you Maureen, and your dear, beautiful Mum. When we have the paperwork/funerals to do we have to put our emotions on hold-well to some extent anyway.I hope that you start to remember her as she was soon. That's all we can ask for really. The process of grieving is a painful road to have to take, but it has to be walked to come out the other side. I think THAT's when we start to remember our loved ones as they were.

    You have my love and sympathy-I do understand

    Love,

    Lyn T XXXXX
     
  9. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    22,497
    Female
    Near Southampton
    That's a lovely photo and one full of happy memories for you.
    I hope these memories will eventually take over from the other, more recent, ones you are holding now.

    Yes, I always think that the time after the funeral is when it all hit you so very hard and you realise this is the way it will be for ever more.
    Lots of sympathy and understanding Maureen. xxx
     
  10. elizabet

    elizabet Registered User

    Mar 26, 2013
    224
    Southampton
    Sending you sympathy.
    Let yourself grieve, let the tears fall you have lost your Mum and it hurts whether one had already started to grieve for the person they were before Dementia kicked in.
    You may go through a variety of emotions, guilt, remembering your Mum in years gone past, sharing talk of happy and sad times with friends and relatives at the funeral- it all helps you on your path of grieving .Look after your self too the time before a funeral can be very busy as you contact people and start to sort out legal matters about your Mum and estate etc.
    Almost a year and 3 months since my dear Mum died it has got easier I think of Mum at all sort of odd times. I have what I call "Mum moments" -like going into the supermarket and once the Valentine cards were gone there was a huge display of Mother's day cards cue lump in throat as I cannot ever send her one again . But I have loads of happy memories and these get me through .
    All good wishes,
    Elizabet
     
  11. angecmc

    angecmc Registered User

    Dec 25, 2012
    2,109
    hertfordshire
    What a beautiful photo of a beautiful lady, will think of you on the 8th and 9th. Take care of yourself xx

    Ange
     
  12. Ann Mac

    Ann Mac Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013
    3,701
    What a beautiful photograph, Maureen x

    Sending you lots of positive thoughts and hoping that the good memories you have help you cope with whats to come. Will be thinking of you on the 8th and 9th, hun xxx
     
  13. Sue J

    Sue J Registered User

    Dec 9, 2009
    8,041
    What a lovely picture of your Mum, and the lovely memories that you can bring to mind Maureen. I hope those are the memories that will remain and that the more difficult ones will be taken away as you work through your grief day at a time.
    Love
    Sue
     
  14. Margaret79

    Margaret79 Registered User

    Such a lovely photo Maureen, reminds me of my Nan too!

    I will also have you and your Mum in my thoughts especially on the 8th & 9th (both of you already are very much in my thoughts day to day)
     
  15. garnuft

    garnuft Registered User

    Sep 7, 2012
    6,588
    Such a lovely photo, such warm, friendly eyes.
    Good that you will be able to spend some time with your sister.

    A welcoming into the bosom of her Church on Sunday and Monday sending her further on her journey(albeit one hymn shy of her quota:)) she would be glad and proud, as you should be too.

    Peace and love to you and all her family. x
     
  16. Dazmum

    Dazmum Registered User

    What a beautiful photo Maureen xxxx
     
  17. WIFE

    WIFE Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    857
    WEST SUSSEX
    Lovely photo of your Mum, Maureen. Try to remember her as she was then and not through the sadder times. Loving thoughts WIFE
     
  18. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,968
    Brixham Devon
    I hope you are coping Maureen.

    Just sending a hug and love

    Lyn T XX
     
  19. Loopiloo

    Loopiloo Registered User

    May 10, 2010
    6,119
    Female
    Scotland
    A lovely photo of your Mum, Maureen, a lovely lady. I think of you often and especially going through this most difficult time.

    I also hope you are coping and am wishing you continued strength in the days ahead. The time will come when the bad memories start to gradually fade and are replaced by the good ones. One day at a time...

    You will be in my thoughts on Monday 9th as you will be in many others here on TP.

    Love
    Loo xxx
     

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