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The Invisible Icing on the Cake!

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Donkeyshere, Jul 10, 2019.

  1. Donkeyshere

    Donkeyshere Registered User

    May 25, 2016
    116
    channel islands
    Apologies another Rant!
    So today the interfering cousin (who visits once a week for an hour) had been to America to a cousins memorial with the invisible (brother in law). I asked the M-in-law (who lives with us) how did the cousin say it went did she represent us? Oh the cousin she said there were alot of people there at the memorial (we were not asked to go as we are the bad guys in all this - don't ask all about money, we look after her but are now excluded because of the invisible bad mouthing us - if only they knew the truth!). So I asked, "so has the invisible phoned about it all?" Why would he phone the MIL says - I said because you paid for half his fare to go to the memorial and half the fare to the interfering cousin. Did I, how did I do that - I didn't know he was going he lives in New Zealand (he actually lives in London). I sighed - he can take her money (we were aware of this though about the money for the flights) go to America on a 9 hour flight but he cannot take a day or two over a weekend, to get on a 40 minute flight (from London where he lives) to see his mother (the last time was September) yet he can bad mouth us, try and get solicitors against us (he didn't get anywhere) and do nothing to help, never phoned past or present to see how she was, turn the extended family against the two people who care for his mother 24/7. I am now a great believer in Karma!
    Apologies - Yet another rant over!!
     
  2. Donkeyshere

    Donkeyshere Registered User

    May 25, 2016
    116
    channel islands
    I read this today so instead of ranting and wasting valuable emotional energy when I can put it to better use, I am going to remember this:

    Spending our emotional capital lamenting the incomprehensible choice made by those who have turned a blind eye or hardened their hearts will only deplete us. We can’t afford that.
     
  3. MaNaAk

    MaNaAk Registered User

    Jun 19, 2016
    1,227
    Essex
    Dear Donkeyshare,

    Our friends here are well aware of my invisibles they have done all sorts of things but not what you have described. Has your husband got Power Of Attorney if not I would suggest looking into
    this so that your invisibles activities can become limited.

    Good luck and keep using karma this is what I am doing

    MaNaAk
     
  4. Donkeyshere

    Donkeyshere Registered User

    May 25, 2016
    116
    channel islands
    Unfortunately where we live outside the UK, we cannot use Power of Attorney we applied for the equivalent of Guardianship - however as the invisible would not agree with us having it and we could not get it without going to court at a great cost! We have had legal advice though and are doing everything that we can that they have advised to ensure all legalities are covered as much as possible. Ironically the invisible has already had his money early from the will as a lifetime gift and since he found out there is no more he has not been to see the MIL. Actions speak louder than words!
     
  5. MaNaAk

    MaNaAk Registered User

    Jun 19, 2016
    1,227
    Essex
    Dear Donkeyshare,

    Indeed actions speak louder than words! My youngest invisible saw dad once since Xmas and that was because I arranged it. However since dad passed away he has been more proactive and first asked me about the houeone week after the funeral and again a couple of weeks later.

    Good luck

    MaNaAk
     
  6. Donkeyshere

    Donkeyshere Registered User

    May 25, 2016
    116
    channel islands

    Sad as that is I am not surprised given our own experience! Its amazing and sad how the thought of money can make people appear and then, when there is none - disappear! I used to feel sad for the invisible as I know what was in the will when the MIL made it 7 years ago when she moved in with us (she was diagnosed 3 years ago). (She made it when there was change in the local law to be able to leave it to whom she wished, previously it had to be equal between siblings - yes the Channel Islands are a bit archaic with their laws!) but after his behaviour I no longer feel the same. In a lucid moment, when we told the MIL what the invisible had done re solicitors etc because of money, even to the point of saying she was coerced, she said "I made my will long before I got like this, so why is he belittling me?" Never a truer word however the invisible will never hear this, nor would want to I would think...........
     
  7. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,255

    good for all of us to remember this, a bit like anger, good if it fuels restorative action but bad if it burns us up. Xxx
     

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