My lovely Dad suddenly died last week of a pulmonary embolism at 69. He was diagnosed with Lewy Body just over a year ago, but the Dr’s were in the process of disputing this as my Dad had no symptoms – no hallucinations, no problems with sleep or mobility. However, he did have memory issues and would get quite agitated in the afternoons/evenings, so I’m guessing there was some kind of dementia at play. We’ll never know now though.
I’m overwhelmed with pain, sadness and guilt. Due to his illness, my Dad had become a massive part of my life. He’s been the centre of my world for the past two years. It’s been exhausting and taken its toll on me. But, I feel so guilty that there was something I could have done to prevent his death. I think there were signs which I ignored. He would get out of breath when we walked, nothing major, so I put it down to the lack of physical activity over the past year and all the piles of medication he was on. It didn’t cross my mind that he might have had a blood clot. We would always walk really fast – like he’d like to do – but he never wanted to slow down.
My Dad hadn’t seen a Dr for about 15 months. Covid played a part in this, but I was told not so long ago by Dad’s MH nurse, that there is very little medical support/reviews for dementia patients, which is just terrible. Any other life-limiting disease wouldn’t get neglected in this way.
My mind goes round and round in a loop, replaying events. I feel so angry at myself and his medical team for not preventing his death. Living with this guilt and sadness is unbearable.
I’m overwhelmed with pain, sadness and guilt. Due to his illness, my Dad had become a massive part of my life. He’s been the centre of my world for the past two years. It’s been exhausting and taken its toll on me. But, I feel so guilty that there was something I could have done to prevent his death. I think there were signs which I ignored. He would get out of breath when we walked, nothing major, so I put it down to the lack of physical activity over the past year and all the piles of medication he was on. It didn’t cross my mind that he might have had a blood clot. We would always walk really fast – like he’d like to do – but he never wanted to slow down.
My Dad hadn’t seen a Dr for about 15 months. Covid played a part in this, but I was told not so long ago by Dad’s MH nurse, that there is very little medical support/reviews for dementia patients, which is just terrible. Any other life-limiting disease wouldn’t get neglected in this way.
My mind goes round and round in a loop, replaying events. I feel so angry at myself and his medical team for not preventing his death. Living with this guilt and sadness is unbearable.
