1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. gillybean

    gillybean Registered User

    Jan 17, 2007
    420
    Nearly 3 months have passed since mum died, and each an every day my thoughts are of my Mum and Dad who passed 5 years ago. I am struggling to cope some days, I just want to cry for no reason I can think of just I miss their physical presence and want to speak to them so much, tell them things about their grand daughter and just talk about what rubbish is on the TV, like we used to do every day I miss that so much I have a huge hole in my life now.
    What makes it worse is the house clearance and the guilty feelings I've had. The giving away of her treasures and because I know how much they spend on some items it's very difficult. I didn't want to make any hasty decisions so have chosen to rent the house (I actually want my daughter to have it) but that brings such emotions too, will they look after the garden like Dad did? No, I know they can't possibly and why does that thought hurt me so much? All the stuff of over 50 years of living in one house, so many memories makes this the hardest thing I've had to do in my life even though I feel now is the time for 'me' as gone are the demands calls and visits that tied me so much, I'd give anything just to have them both back for one day.
     
  2. Dustycat

    Dustycat Registered User

    Jul 14, 2014
    220
    North East
    I know how you feel. It's a year since my Mam died and my Dad has Alzheimers and is in care. I too am going through the house clearance. It's hard and feels invasive somehow. I miss my Mam every day. She is the first thing I think of in the morning and last thing at night. Friends of mine who still have their parents I've told them to enjoy every minute as life is so short. Xx
     
  3. gillybean

    gillybean Registered User

    Jan 17, 2007
    420
    So sorry, yes make the most of them, even if it's not the same Dad you knew he's in there somewhere. It does feel invasive and intrusive and awful, so much I want to keep and can't, I know they'd want me to have it, Mum kept asking me to take things, she must have known. I can't bear the thought of renting and other people using my parent's lovely things yet I just can't sell/have the space to take them. Oh the guilt!
     
  4. Fastwalker

    Fastwalker Registered User

    Apr 27, 2010
    178
    Tyne and Wear
    Hi Know how you feel. I went to my parents house for the last time today to say goodbye. It is now completely clear and is a shell. Some furniture went to the saleroom but the rest went to charities. I didn't get much for the glass and china but didn't like some of it and didn't have room. The piano is in a storage unit awaiting me buying a bigger house along with some china I decided to keep and junk from the garage. I was very tearful as I have known the house all my life. I am single and am an only child. My dad died in 2000 so I spent a lot of time with my mum who also was an only child.
    The house is too much for me on my own to modernise and I am sure the buyer will make it lovely. One of the neighbours who knew the house from 1966 came in to say goodbye too. My parents moved in in 1958 when the house was built. I found it very hard to say goodbye. The house next door also sold recently after the lady died and the man moved somewhere smaller. They had been in since 1958 too and there looks to be a lot of work being done. I am sure my mum and dad from wherever they are now will be watching with interest. I will still go to see one of the neighbours but not for few months. I miss my mum too who died nearly six months ago in November. I want to tell her things although for the last three years she didn't know me I still told her my worries and her prescence was reassuring. I intend to get my neglected house decorated and then start house hunting but I am too tired at the minute.
     

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