The Good the bad and everything else !!!!


Registered User
Feb 3, 2006
Hi I had a lovely afternoon with Mum on Saturday we had a girls shopping afternoon and I really believed she loved looking around the shops and she acutually chose a couple of skirts and tops, she was fine when walking around inside the shops but as soon as we got outside she started to panic saying she couldn't breathe or felt sick, we had frequent stops and sat outside at a cafe and had a drink (where she was again fine) soon had to move on to catch the bus and the same thing happened again. Managed to catch the bus and she really enjoyed the bus ride through the countryside she hasn't travelled on a bus for ages. We then had a lovely BBQ at my brothers home which she again enjoyed and ate well !!
My brother who is Mum's main carer is going away for 2 weeks holiday in July, so we thought we should ask her what she would prefer to do either go into respite care like her sister-in-law does or would she prefer someone to come in on a regular basis to help jog her memory (Mum forgets to wash, take her medication, drink enough fluids, and quite often forgets to eat.) Well on this suggestion all hell was let loose she cried she screamed and she hollered and totally denied that she doesn't do the things, and my brother and I really bore the brunt of her cruel tongue !! I know this is not my real Mum when she is like this but it sure does hurt.
We are unsure what to do next. ? any suggestions ?

(Mum has not been assesed as yet by a consultant having to wait until end of August for this, but her doctor and ourselves feel that she has AD in some form which has been going on for at least 3 years and getting steadily worse).

A big thanks to this web site and it's users for letting me be able to let off steam !!!! and giving me courage to face another day.


Registered User
Feb 26, 2006
Hi Kazlou

What a difficult situation you are in. I have no idea how your mum is so it is difficult to say what you should do. I have reached the point with Mary that I don't ask what she wants in terms of care because it causes the sort of difficulties you have faced, I make a decision and face the flak. The advantage is that I only have to face the flak once and provided I an resolute that is the end of it. It is not easy, nothing is with AD, it is a matter of taking the path of least resistance. Good luck.




Registered User
Mar 12, 2005
West Sussex
Hello Kazlou

Those outbursts do hurt, don't they, AD or no AD, we are our mothers children and it cuts to the bone when they behave in a way that is totally different from anything we have experienced before.

As for the respite, I agree that it is probably the better way to organise something for your Mum and then just do it, reasoning powers don't seem to be a strong point with AD sufferers.

It seems totally wrong to tell our parents what to do rather than the other way round, but it is our turn to make sure they are safe, looked after and as happy as possible.

Good luck


Michael E

Registered User
Apr 14, 2005
Ronda Spain
Kazlou hi,

not sure if this is helpful and it is also from my own very limited experience but I am certain that 'choice - decisions' are horribly impossible for anybody with AD... It makes them angry and frustrated when presented with something they cannot do - make a choice or decision... With Monique, when I invite her to sit down I frequently point to the chair or the place... With meals I just present the meal - she is never slow to let me know if it is not satisfactory!!! I tend to say 'I'm having a coffee - I'll get you one - and look for a reaction ....

OK all that is all that - but I can imagine that to have to decide between 'respite care ' and an extra social worker is impossible - to imagine or to decide... Monique is also convinced that she cleans, washes up, cooks, showers etc etc - well could if she wanted to... the reality is she does not know were the toilet is or what lays at the top of the stairs ----- I have a feeling you just make the best decision you can for the person with AD and then wait and see...

really difficult I think.



Registered User
Feb 3, 2006
Thank you all so much for your help and advice, it's so nice to know you are not alone.
I really find it difficult making decisions for Mum without giving her the choice, but will try. Good news her assessment has been brought forward to next Wednesday.

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