• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can now be found in our new area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

The gap in care

Bizzylizzy73

Registered User
Sep 16, 2015
24
Southport, Merseyside
Hi there,
I posted a while ago about the conversation of care with my mum.
I am wondering, is that it? Either care at home which equates to a 4minute call five times a day, or a care home in UK?
Although mum has come round, on and off to the idea of living in a home, I'm not sure its quite right for her....
She's not at the stage to just sit in a room "waiting for God". And although I have been round a few places, they all seem similar.
I wish I had money to set up a home just for dementia. It's severely lacking in the care sector.
Does anyone know of a step in between care at home or in a home?
I'm holding off living with my partner for fear my mum won't be cared for properly, as I will be emigrating to Cyprus. Held it off for nearly two years now! And its finally getting to me and my mental health :(
 

fizzie

Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
2,730
We have extra care housing or flexi care housing in our area. This means the residents have their own little flat and front door but a care team is on site and they have activities and a lunch club. I think outside input is needed so you would need a cleaner etc etc etc but to be honest there isn't going to be much where family input is not an important factor

Have you looked at care facilities in Cyprus? Just a thought
 

balloo

Registered User
Sep 21, 2013
227
northamptonshire
Hi there,
I posted a while ago about the conversation of care with my mum.
I am wondering, is that it? Either care at home which equates to a 4minute call five times a day, or a care home in UK?
Although mum has come round, on and off to the idea of living in a home, I'm not sure its quite right for her....
She's not at the stage to just sit in a room "waiting for God". And although I have been round a few places, they all seem similar.
I wish I had money to set up a home just for dementia. It's severely lacking in the care sector.
Does anyone know of a step in between care at home or in a home?
I'm holding off living with my partner for fear my mum won't be cared for properly, as I will be emigrating to Cyprus. Held it off for nearly two years now! And its finally getting to me and my mental health :(
my MIl has lived with us for 3 years as she has Vascualr dementia and cannot cope on her home 2 years ago she was at stage t go in care but we don't agree with it I do all personel care and yes the worst job ever but it has to be done. she is sleeping more now sometime 18 hrs a day but she is happy with us and that's the way it will stay until the end
 

fizzie

Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
2,730
awwwwwwwwwww balloo that is such a lovely post. Thinking of you xxxxxxxxxxxxx
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
8,810
Yorkshire
Hi Bizzylizzy73
I can't find your previous post - so can only respond to what you write here.
I'm not sure what the home care visits for your mum are for - but pretty much the max on offer seems to be 4 a day so getup/breakfast, lunch, tea and bedtime. Seems night care is rare and mostly self-funded.
I can't help thinking that if your mum has come round at times to a move to a care home, then that may be a move worth making and worth doing now. Though, I don't know her so don't know why you think it's not quite right for her. To be honest, I doubt it's ever going to be 'quite right' in every way.
If someone visited my dad's home, they may at times think that all the residents all sit all day and do nothing - but that isn't the case, there are activities and the staff interact with the residents.
Even if you could find a 'step between', I wonder how long it would be for and how your mum would cope with that move, and later another move.
What most concerns me is this:
Held it off for nearly two years now! And its finally getting to me and my mental health
Would your mum really want you to put your life and relationship on hold for so long - and for it to now be affecting your health and well being?
I am not saying 'shove her in a home' so you can walk away - clearly you would never do that - however there are compromises to be made, and you so far have compromised for 2 years.
I don't know whether you have other family who will remain here to be your 'eyes and ears' to check on your mum's care. Maybe try a respite stay to see how that goes - it may put your mind at rest. Maybe look at what is available in Cyprus.
Yours is an unenviable position - I wish you well.
 

Bizzylizzy73

Registered User
Sep 16, 2015
24
Southport, Merseyside
We have extra care housing or flexi care housing in our area. This means the residents have their own little flat and front door but a care team is on site and they have activities and a lunch club. I think outside input is needed so you would need a cleaner etc etc etc but to be honest there isn't going to be much where family input is not an important factor

Have you looked at care facilities in Cyprus? Just a thought
Is that sheltered accommodation? In our area if you are giagnosed with dementia shelter accommodation is not permitted :( care homes are rare in Cyprus. Mum also doesn't do well in heat, and although I will try to have her visit in cooler periods all year is probably unlikely and also I wouldn't be able to fund.
 

Bizzylizzy73

Registered User
Sep 16, 2015
24
Southport, Merseyside
Hi Bizzylizzy73
I can't find your previous post - so can only respond to what you write here.
I'm not sure what the home care visits for your mum are for - but pretty much the max on offer seems to be 4 a day so getup/breakfast, lunch, tea and bedtime. Seems night care is rare and mostly self-funded.
I can't help thinking that if your mum has come round at times to a move to a care home, then that may be a move worth making and worth doing now. Though, I don't know her so don't know why you think it's not quite right for her. To be honest, I doubt it's ever going to be 'quite right' in every way.
If someone visited my dad's home, they may at times think that all the residents all sit all day and do nothing - but that isn't the case, there are activities and the staff interact with the residents.
Even if you could find a 'step between', I wonder how long it would be for and how your mum would cope with that move, and later another move.
What most concerns me is this:

Would your mum really want you to put your life and relationship on hold for so long - and for it to now be affecting your health and well being?
I am not saying 'shove her in a home' so you can walk away - clearly you would never do that - however there are compromises to be made, and you so far have compromised for 2 years.
I don't know whether you have other family who will remain here to be your 'eyes and ears' to check on your mum's care. Maybe try a respite stay to see how that goes - it may put your mind at rest. Maybe look at what is available in Cyprus.
Yours is an unenviable position - I wish you well.
Yes, I have two older brothers, but they are sadly lacking in helping me at all with mum. They wouldn't care where she went tbh, as long as I sort it out.
We did respite when I last visited my partner, which for the first time was OK, as mum knew it was only a week.
Ahh I tie myself in knots over this!
Thank you for your reply!
 

fizzie

Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
2,730
it is a step up from sheltered and so they expect that people will need care -hence the care team on site
 

Bizzylizzy73

Registered User
Sep 16, 2015
24
Southport, Merseyside
my MIl has lived with us for 3 years as she has Vascualr dementia and cannot cope on her home 2 years ago she was at stage t go in care but we don't agree with it I do all personel care and yes the worst job ever but it has to be done. she is sleeping more now sometime 18 hrs a day but she is happy with us and that's the way it will stay until the end
I'm not keen on care option either, but if mum came to Cyprus with me, I would be working full time and mum would still require a carer whilst I worked.
Catch 22!
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,627
Chester
My mum is in sheltered extra care (in Ellesmere Port). She clearly couldn't have managed at home and when I looked at sheltered she wouldn't have coped there either.

She has been there for 18 months and it has made a massive difference to her, she clearly couldn't live without the level of support provided, and it is keeping her out of a home, although surprisingly she wasn't upset when she stayed in a home after a hospital stay.

I do her shopping but it could be arranged that the carers would do this with extra hours paid for. I do take her to all her medical appts as well and don't know if the carers would take this on.
 

LeonieF

Registered User
Oct 16, 2013
10
I'm a bit late to the conversation but I just wanted to say that I completely agree that there is a gap in the care system. My Dad lived alone and was 69 when he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I managed to look after him for about 18months but then it became too dangerous for him to be alone at any point and could no longer wash himself or prepare food. However, he was still physically fit and all the care homes I went to were for older people who were not very active.

I found a home that had a garden and a large indoor space so that he could walk around but the problem is that the carers didn't know how to stimulate him enough and didn't have enough staff to take him out. I would go 3-4 times a week to take him for a walk or out for a meal. He was also very resistant to personal care and was quite strong in pushing back the carers. He also left the taps on and flooded the place! In short, he was too 'active' for the home but not able to live without a full-time carer, which was no affordable.

His disease has progressed so that he is now one of the people sitting slumped in their chair for most of the day, which suits the carers more and means he is more compliant to help - which is horrible to see as he was so active only 6 months ago but at the same time it is 'easier'.

Dad progressed very quickly so the problems of his active-ness were short-lived but I often think about what would have happened if he had been stable in that stage for a while. There just isn't the provision for people who need around the clock care but also need to be active, go out regularly and want to feel independent. I live in London and I looked everywhere but with no luck.

So, I empathise with you Bizzylizzy73 and hope you manage to find somewhere that is suitable. Once we all have time to breathe, perhaps we can open a home that truly meets the needs of our loved ones!
 

iknownothing

Registered User
Aug 2, 2015
2
Hertfordshire
Hi I am new to this site and was so relieved seeing the comments. The doctor has suggested we look for care homes for dad. Like you we don't think he is ready for that care. We have carers going into his home but we are not impressed with the so called care provided. We find ourselves cancelling them so that we can at least provide decent meals, trouble is we have to work full time and need support. Dad has to pay for his care, and among other things we have little time to search for what is,available. We are at our wits end. Any help on care available would be really appreciated.
 

fizzie

Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
2,730
Thanks to Fizzie, me and mum visited park haven court today. Mum loved it, as did I! We have put her name down next is the social worker battle!
Oh I am so very pleased. I'm going to keep all fingers and toes crossed for you and your mum xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 

fizzie

Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
2,730
Hi I am new to this site and was so relieved seeing the comments. The doctor has suggested we look for care homes for dad. Like you we don't think he is ready for that care. We have carers going into his home but we are not impressed with the so called care provided. We find ourselves cancelling them so that we can at least provide decent meals, trouble is we have to work full time and need support. Dad has to pay for his care, and among other things we have little time to search for what is,available. We are at our wits end. Any help on care available would be really appreciated.
In North Hertfordshire we have flexi care (also called extra care housing) it is excellent and run by North Herts Homes and Howard Cottage - they are both excellent at helping - particularly the latter. In some of the schemes there are people with quite advanced memory loss. Each person has a small flat with their own front door and independence but there are a team of carers on site - I have to be honest one scheme is heads and shoulders above the rest - I am so nosey!!!! and they do have activities. It is a good option. Luton are even better at this kind of housing.

I hope this helps, if you want more info let me know. good luck