the first time


Registered User
Oct 28, 2005
Cambridgeshire UK
mum didn't know

I am so sorry to read this post, I don't feel I can make a helpful comment cos I'm not at that stage yet with my husband. He knows who everyone is, he is newly diagnosed. Maybe this was just a bad day for your Mum? Maybe she will know you another day? I have heard of people experiencing that. I'm just sorry I can't make you feel better.



Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
near London
Hello Loiner
It is truly awful the first time, but in the early stages, it comes and goes, so she may well recognise you next time.

When I'm with Jan, I reinforce who I am all the time, buy saying "it's Bruce" or "it's your fella". Does it get through? Maybe because sometimes, as well as she is able - and that is not much - I do hear something approximating to "Bruce".

Because I know Jan is in trouble knowing people [especially as she can no longer see], I always reflect that I know who she is. It is always important to reflect that the person is still the same person really, they have just had to change a bit to adapt to a body that is fighting them. We need to recognise them even if it is very hard to do so, help them, and be proud of them for they are fighting a hard fight.

Michael E

Registered User
Apr 14, 2005
Ronda Spain
Loiner hi,

very odd isn't it.. My wife has decided, for much of the time, that I am her mother - long dead. At night she has long conversations with her mama and sometimes touches me - speaks to me - to make sure I am indeed her mum in bed with her!!

Now I know I wear my hair too long and have a few curves but that is ridiculous.

Never quite sure how to handle it - 'No darling it's Michael - your husband' is the obvious but sometimes leads to circular conversations as clearly the concept of 'husband' and 'Michael' are alien and strange.

Frequently now, she really does not know who I am - what I am doing here? - but is very polite and it sometimes takes me a while to work out that the 'conversation' we are having, is her to a stranger but not wanting to be rude!!!

Like Bruce I frequently try to get in first and let her know who I am and my place in the partnership before she starts and that often triggers a good/accurate response.

Let me hasten to say it is not all day - normally - mainly mornings and night - evenings seem to go real well. Just have to live with it - although I comfort myself with the story of the goldfish (who have a memory span of 2 seconds) who's owner purchased a very lovely and expensive model castle to put in it's tank - so that every time the goldfish swam by it thought ' my goodness - what a beautiful castle I have found - how lucky I am to see it' and the goldfish never got bored.....




Registered User
Oct 29, 2005
Leeds, UK
just a sort of gut wrencher, feel better now, but she's sliding fast for some reason, has her CT scan next fri, maybe it will shed light on it.


Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
Didn't know who I was

Loiner said:
this morning wss the first time mum didn't know who i was and thought i was a nurse :(
I have experienced similar thing some weeks ago - only lasted a short time. My husband asked 'was I his wife' and then very worried about where his Mother and Father were (mother died 20 yrs ago and father some 40 yrs ago!).

My husband has just wet himself and is quite distressed about it. So far this sort of thing has not bothered me too much. What does bother me is the Consultant says he is in the 'mild' stage! - I feel strongly that it must be the 'middle' but not knowing what is yet to come I am 'confused'!!


Registered User
Mar 12, 2005
West Sussex
Hello Loiner

i had the same thing a few months ago, it felt horrible and I felt rejected by my Mum, silly but that's how I felt. It is like a slap in the face.

Since then I have been myself, her mother, a total stranger, a nurse and a few times a man!!

Whatever I am to her, she is still my lovely Mum, so don't despair, she will know you again.