The fall out from dementia

[Goldi]

Has anyone else had a situation where it feels like your whole family is falling apart as a result of caring for someone with alzeimers?

For the last few years my family has been taking care of my dad at home. He is incontinent, can hardly walk, cannot wash and dress himself and can just aboyt feed himself with some assistance. This is in addition to all the emotional behavior changes such as not sleeping at night, hallucinating, being agitated, not speaking clearly, asking the same thing over and over etc etc


He is a wonderful man and we all love him dearly. But in the last few months it feels like the fall out on the rest of us has meant we have imploded. My mum has fractured her back from lifting my dad, my brother has also developed a bad back problem, i recently had a bad bout of shingles.

It feels like we are falling apart! In the meantime dad, probably as a result of the things that have happened to us, has taken a serious turn for the worse and i am just not sure how much more we can all cope with.

We are struggling....

It feels like we are all falling apart! Dad

 

[marionq]

At this stage you really need to get SS on board with a view to him going into an appropriate care home. You will get back to caring and loving him when you take a step back. Contact your local social worker laying out all that you have said here and asking for advice.

If they turn out to be useless contact Age UK for advice.

 

[keywest67]

Your poor family and you, I agree it sounds like it's time to look at a care home...........I know the guily feelings this can cause however if your Dad were able would be want his whole family to fall to pieces because of him! care homes have specialist trained carers and equipment to manage dementia patients.

I know you read horror stories about care homes but there are some great ones with lovely people whom are passionate about their work........it would allow you, your Mum and the family to spend quality time with him rather than the current uphill struggle.

I do understand your situation as we had this with my Dad and the care home was difficult to come to terms with however now I look back I don't know what we would have done without their help and support.......it's heartbreaking and hard but once you get to severe stages of Alzheimer's being in your own home from the patients perspective becomes unimportant, many don't really know what home is any more they just need someone to care for them, my Dad was never bothered about his surroundings in the care home and he never once asked to go back to the home he had lived in for 50 years.

Wishing you strength over your coming journey, I know what a difficult ride it is xx