The dreaded telephone ringing !!!

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by christine_batch, Aug 22, 2007.

  1. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    About 10.20p.m. the phone went. Dreading that call from the Care Home, but thank God it was my eldest son who is out of remission from bowel cancer and has M.E. He asked what would I like to do, something for myself for a change. Have a complete rest after caring for 4 years for my husband and being disabled I have not had a respite break. Good said my son. We need some quality time together (daughter in law included) she is such an angel. My son and daughter in law watched the programme on T.V. and even my son apparently was crying knowing I had experienced that with my husband. So he has booked a two week holiday on the Norfolk Broads on a 14 foot boat. All expenses paid. Its called the Queen Elizabeth. They want quality time with me - no children, just me and them. The more Peter was talking about it the more excited I was becoming. Taking camrecorder and just having a break. Then my daughter in law was on the phone. Please say yes to coming Mum. As my son lives in Essex I do not see him very often although we regularly phone. Then I replied does he know how to steer this big boat ? He has had a lesson. Lisa he only wants the 2 of us to fill up the locks whilst he stands on the bridge with a Captain hat on and gives us orders. To which we both laughed. Then my mind went to my husband in the Care Home. If anything happened, they would take me to my husband. The more the conversation went on, I had to put my son first. He is very ill but wants quality time with his Mum. (Deep down inside I want to be with him), So I am going with them. I do not know how long my husband has and yet again I do not know or in my heart want to know how long my son has. Ignorance on this occassion I am convinced is best. Just thought I would let you know that I am having a break in September. Best wishes. Christine
  2. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    Newport, Gwent
    Hi Christine

    What a fantastic son you have, and clearly a careing DIL.

    You have some really wonderful to look forward to, and to enjoy every second of.

    Enjoy the moment, and let tomorrow take care of itself.

  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Dear Christine. Sieze the day. Have a wonderful time.
  4. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    Hi Christine,
    What a wonderful son and DIL. I am pleased that you are agreeing to go. I also hope that you all have a memorable time, one that you all will cherish for along time to come. Relax and Enjoy. Taffy.
  5. barraf

    barraf Registered User

    Mar 27, 2004
    Dear Christine
    Take what you can while you can, you deserve it.
    Hope you have lovely weather and a wonderful time.

    Cheers Frank
  6. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    What a wonderful son and d.i.l. you have, Christine. They also will get pleasure from giving you this much deserved break. Enjoy every moment whilst you can.

    Thanks for telling us about it. Beckyjan
  7. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    Be lovely to spend quality time with your son and his wife , how thoughtful of your son .
  8. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    Toronto, Canada
    It's sounds like a lovely time, and you are lucky to have such a wonderful son and DIL. Obviously, your son has learned all this from his mother.
  9. Gill W

    Gill W Registered User

    Jan 31, 2007
    Co. Durham
    Dear Christine,

    I agree with everyone's sentiments here. It's right and good that you should spend some time with your son, he needs his mum too at the end of the day.

    It must have been very difficult for you to make the decision, but I think it shows strength of character in you, and I sincerely hope that you enjoy your trip.

    If you're anything like my mam, your mind will be with your husband whilst you're away. Nothing anyone can say or do will change that, but your son and daughter-in-law will savour your company and appreciate it all the more.

  10. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Dear Christine, how lovely that your son and dil want to share some time with you. You don't know how much longer you'll have your husband or son, but happy memories are so valuable to us.

    Enjoy your holiday, make the most of every moment with your precious son, and trust the professionals to care for your husband for a fortnight.

    I hope you have a lovely time.

  11. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    Thank you all for the messages

    I knew a month ago when the Consultant came to the Care Home to see Peter. He is in the last stage. On Monday I went with my case worker (Who is on the same Alzheimers Committe as me) and is regarded as one of the family. My husband could not distinqish between us. The deterioration in a couple of days was distressing to see. To-day my daughter, her partner and 8 year old Grandon went to visit him (they have just come back from a 2 weeks holiday in American. I had explained things to Helen when she got back, but she still wanted to go and see her step-father. Peter has deteriorated since Wednesday. Jamie who is 8 discussed things with his parents and myself and he still wants to go on Saturday (after football practice) to see his Grandad, as he still wants his Grandad to know he loves him. I have dealt with Alzheimer's years ago, councelling, supporting carers' and former carers' but nothing prepares for when it is a loved one. Staying strong for the family. The Manager of the Care Home has talked about a Hospice but at this present time I do not know what to do. At the very beginning of the A.D. Peter made it perfectly clear, no resussetation, organ donation and brian to Alzheimer's Research, which is documented with Home and Doctors'/ at the end of the day, I have to respect my husband's wishes, and that of my children and grandchildren. It is their choice to visit or not visit which I must respect. There was I really on a high with my holiday with my son and daughter on law. Now as so many of you I am angry, distressed, worried, frustrated that 100 years since Dr. Alzheimer recognised the disease not a lot has been done - Money into research, understanding and help more for the Carers' the list goes on. Yet a disease such as Aid, drug abuse, smoking and even drinking has more support with more finances put into that which is self-inflicted. People have a choice, with Alzheimer's or any form of Dementia they don't ask for it. If by now you have got to the end of this, I thank you for reading. Best wishes everyone. Christine
  12. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    Dear Christine, Thinking of you and Peter. Just take it one day at a time - no-one knows how long that final stage will go on for.
    Take care.
    Love Helen
  13. Cymbaline

    Cymbaline Registered User

    Aug 23, 2007
    Hi Christine

    My thoughts are with you. There's nothing I can say to you but hang in there and be glad that you have a loving family. I am also so sorry that your holiday plans have been scuppered. My heart sank when I realised further down this page that things had taken a turn for the worst.

    I agree with you 100% on your thoughts about how little has been done about finding a cure for Alzheimer's. As for helping out carers...pffffttttt.
  14. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    Hello Christine.

    I am sorry to hear your post but just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you.

    Agree with you completely about;
    Keep in touch as and when you can. Best wishes Jan
  15. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Dear Christine

    I'm so sorry that things are so bad with Peter. I understand your frustration that nothing can be done to help.

    You are doing a wonderful job, respecting your husband's wishes, and allowing your family to make their own decisions about visiting. And how wonderful that your little grandson wants to.:)

    My thoughts and prayers are with you at this awful time.

  16. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    Dear Christine,
    Thinking of you at this very difficult time. I echo the advice to take it "one day at a time". May you find the strength and courage you need to take this last part of your beloved Peter's journey by his side. You are truly an amazing woman. Please know you have the thoughts and caring wishes of us all.
  17. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    Dear Nell, Thank you for your very kind words of support. The Consultant has altered Peter's doseage on a particular drug. Slight improvement on Sunday. Two terrible bruises on his head. He keeps walking with his head down. On Bank Holiday Monday has a call at 8.20 a.m. Dreading the worse it was to warn me that if I did go up, Peter has a terrible black eye. After caring for him for 4 years and with my own disability (the last year he was incontinent) the Consultant put Peter into a Care Home. apparently, I am the only one who visits on a regular basis. I hate going, feeling completely useless, very upset on leaving. I know he is in the best place but that does not mean I am happy about it. A lady who sits and cuddles a doll (much to my 8 year old Grandson's amusement. Held up her hand and gave a lovely smile and managed to get out I love you. Stroking her face as saying the same thing back to her made her get very excited. Each time he gets stressed and very upset he has yet another mild stroke. Pension Credit deducted £50 per week off of my money nd I am informed I am classed as a singe woman. Insensitive, stupid people. A friend of minf challenged such a desision and was told the only way round it was to divorce her husband. We have already lost our loved ones with the herrendous illness so the sooner the powers that be alter even there wording on paperwork, it is another kick in the face for us all. Do hope you are keping as well as can be expected. Best Wishes. Chistine
  18. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    I am still going !!!!

    Being positive, I have not had a respite break for 4 years. I am still going on my 2 weeks break with my son and daughter in law.

    No Telephone
    No postmand dropping those dreaded letters and junk mail.

    I am taking some embriodery, a chess set to play my son ( only hope he doesn't sulk if he looses his Queen early in the game).
    As we sail along the river
    I will not be all a quiver.
    If it pours down with rain,
    Indoors I will remain.
    No Grandchildren to occupy my time
    This break is mine, mine, mine.

    Love from Chistine

    ROSEANN Registered User

    Oct 1, 2006
    I am still going

    Dear Christine
    So pleased to hear you are still going on your holiday, I hope the sun shines on you and your family and that you come back refreshed and ready to go on, you really are making the right desision to go so enjoy.
    Love Roseann
  20. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    I went !!

    Dear Roseann,
    I had a fantastic time on the Broads. With my son, daughter in law, eldest Granson and his fiancee, it was fun and laughter. I had forgot "ME". I was so relaxed , eating cooked meals 3 times a day and even lost 4lbs. That was playing silly devils with my Grandson. I did not wear a life jacket !! Well this really is a part my family found hilerious. I am one of those people who say good morning and smile at people ( so many miserable people about) To my horror 3 gentlemen started chatting me up. Embassaring but my family thought is was so funny. Everything was going brilliantly until the 2nd week when Helen(eldest daughter) had been to see Peter and it was not good news. I went up to see Peter as soon as I got back and within 15 minutes he was asleep so I left. Yesterday my best friend who is also a Case Worker came round and told me the stupid S.W. had actually after 5 months gone to see him and he has been rude and doing inappropriate things. So this morning I went to see Peter and for a second his eyes lit up - recognition ? Turning furniture upside down in the lounge and I could not understand anything he was trying to say. He is usually so placid and something set him off but when he swears at the staff, they say Christine wouldn't like to hear you like that. Low and behold he says sorry as clear as anything. Came out because I could not bear watching back in the lounge turning all the furniture upside down again. Each visit gets harder and harder and I have come to the conclution that Peter is very content in n.H. but it is me not being able to do the things for a loved one. Do hope things are as well as can be expected with you. Best wishes. christine

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