My mum went into an EMI residential home a month ago.It was very hard.The home said our visits were unsettling her and advised us to stay away for 2 weeks.we said we couldn't do this as we has visited every day and stayed the night on a rota basis.However I did think our daily visits were usetting her so stayed away 3 days.She did seem a little better after that but had presumed we were dead.We just kept telling mum that she was safe here and I kept saying she would like it but it would take time it was like starting at school.This week she seems to be calmer and more settled.Don't expect her to settle in straight away it takes time.We think we have made the right decision.although mum is a tearful at times she was like that before and the staff seem to be very caring.
The Dreaded Day has arrived...........
- Thread starter melbee
- Start date
Hello,
A very big Thank you to all those who replied.
I would just like to say that it all went much better than we expected. My sister and I were at the home when Mum turned up, watching her bewilderment out of the window & we were very choked up but managed to keep it together. As soon as she saw us she was happy and full of hugs & kisses. We stayed with her for 4 hours talking, re-arranging her bits & bobs, walking around talking to other residents etc. A couple of times I asked Mum if she was alright and she said " I'll have to be wont I".
We went again on Saturday with my little girl Amber, having brought Mum some nice new clothes, and she was very settled, having had a big breakfast, a bath and her hair washed & styled by one of the staff. My hubby said she looked much better than when he had last seen her at the hospital too.
We chatted to members of staff and they all seemed really nice and were quite shocked at how young Mum is and looks to have this awful disease.
So even though I keep having waves of anxiety and sadness, I do feel a huge amount of relief just knowing that Mum is safe, warm, being looked after by professional people and has lots of company.
But it is early days yet for Mum in her new home, so I will keep you posted with any developments.
Many Thanks to all the lovely TP'ers who replied.
Love and Best wishes
Mel
xXx
A very big Thank you to all those who replied.
I would just like to say that it all went much better than we expected. My sister and I were at the home when Mum turned up, watching her bewilderment out of the window & we were very choked up but managed to keep it together. As soon as she saw us she was happy and full of hugs & kisses. We stayed with her for 4 hours talking, re-arranging her bits & bobs, walking around talking to other residents etc. A couple of times I asked Mum if she was alright and she said " I'll have to be wont I".
We went again on Saturday with my little girl Amber, having brought Mum some nice new clothes, and she was very settled, having had a big breakfast, a bath and her hair washed & styled by one of the staff. My hubby said she looked much better than when he had last seen her at the hospital too.
We chatted to members of staff and they all seemed really nice and were quite shocked at how young Mum is and looks to have this awful disease.
So even though I keep having waves of anxiety and sadness, I do feel a huge amount of relief just knowing that Mum is safe, warm, being looked after by professional people and has lots of company.
But it is early days yet for Mum in her new home, so I will keep you posted with any developments.
Many Thanks to all the lovely TP'ers who replied.
Love and Best wishes
Mel
xXx
Hi Mel, glad it went so well. It sounds as if your mum is going to settle well in her new home.
That's all we can ask for when that time comes isn't it?
Well done.
Love,
melbee said:
That's all we can ask for when that time comes isn't it?
Well done.
Love,
HI Mel
Glad to hear that your Mum has settled in well. I know that I dreaded mum going to the home from hospital. She was also sad but I told her that it was only til she could look after herself. She realised that there were things that she couldn't cope with in her own home at that stage.
We just kept telling her that it was until she was well. A relative unfortunately couldn't cope with that and one day as she asked to go home for 100th time told her that she wasn't ever going home. That left her quite upset.
However we kept pointing out the positive, meals made, laundry and ironing done, people on call overnight (she later admitted she had been frightened by ehrself in her house overnight) and she came to love the home. Occasionally when her dementia has unsettled her she has asked to go home but this became less and less frequent. Don't worry if it happens.
It is hard as it hits you at this time the nature of the illness. I found though over the years that the staff in Mum's home have also become friends and we chat. As I was so far away from Mum at that time I had a phone put in her room and rang her most days as I would have done from home for a chat. Sometimes it was brilliant. Sometimes I had to phone the staff back as something/behaviour had unsettled me, but for 2-3 years I phoned most nights as I had always done until she could no longer use a phone.
If she is fit and feels like it don't be afraid to take her out shopping or for lunch. I found my Mum settled much better once she knew she could go out. I used to sense when she was getting cabin fever and we would go out.
It is also a relief as you feel that there is someone there to watch and look over them.
Hope things continue to go well
Mameeskye
Glad to hear that your Mum has settled in well. I know that I dreaded mum going to the home from hospital. She was also sad but I told her that it was only til she could look after herself. She realised that there were things that she couldn't cope with in her own home at that stage.
We just kept telling her that it was until she was well. A relative unfortunately couldn't cope with that and one day as she asked to go home for 100th time told her that she wasn't ever going home. That left her quite upset.
However we kept pointing out the positive, meals made, laundry and ironing done, people on call overnight (she later admitted she had been frightened by ehrself in her house overnight) and she came to love the home. Occasionally when her dementia has unsettled her she has asked to go home but this became less and less frequent. Don't worry if it happens.
It is hard as it hits you at this time the nature of the illness. I found though over the years that the staff in Mum's home have also become friends and we chat. As I was so far away from Mum at that time I had a phone put in her room and rang her most days as I would have done from home for a chat. Sometimes it was brilliant. Sometimes I had to phone the staff back as something/behaviour had unsettled me, but for 2-3 years I phoned most nights as I had always done until she could no longer use a phone.
If she is fit and feels like it don't be afraid to take her out shopping or for lunch. I found my Mum settled much better once she knew she could go out. I used to sense when she was getting cabin fever and we would go out.
It is also a relief as you feel that there is someone there to watch and look over them.
Hope things continue to go well
Mameeskye
