1. twinklestar

    twinklestar Registered User

    Sep 14, 2014
    Our very precious mum passed away just over two weeks ago. We have had the funeral and scattered her ashes.

    Today was my first day back at work. I was not looking forward to it. To make it even worse I was going back to a new office and a new line manager. I need not have worried but everyone was lovely. I got home tonight and felt absolutely exhausted.

    When mum went into her nursing home I was so exhausted I had to have six weeks off work with counselling to follow. Mum reached a point from the end of January when she was very up and down. I found this difficult to deal with and as I did not want to be ill again requested counselling. I have put the counselling on hold till thing get more organised in my new job but I will go back to it.

    I loved and will always love my mum very deeply and am very proud of how we looked after our mum but it is time for me to think about me. It is time to look after my health. I know that physically and emotionally it is going to take me a long time to heal but I will do it one step at a time.

    I look forward to hearing from you guys about how you are healing yourselves.

    Thank you so much in anticipation.
  2. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    Well done you for getting through the first day so successfully and for the positive outlook into the future - my bet is your Ma would have been proud of you and wanted you to move on.

    I'm 16 months on from the death of my Mum and I still get exhausted - I think it took 'it' out of me in more ways than one. All the good memories are back and the not so good ones don't get a look in these days. Like you I went back to work quite quickly but it took me probably 6 months to begin to feel physically better although I am still in the middle of a massive complaints procedure with the Trust so mental recovery takes longer and I still have days when I am 'thrown'. It is a different life now and in the main it is good but there will always be days when I miss her

    Take care, take it slowly and don't listen to anyone else - one day at a time and everything at your own pace xx
  3. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    What a lovely post, and how proud your Mum must be of you. I'm not surprised that you were exhausted, and you are quite right - now is the time to think about yourself, and it's one step at a time, and baby steps at that.

    When my husband died, the things that were the most help to me were airbrushing, as much as possible, the sad times, and concentrating on the happy ones. I achieved this by sorting out all my photo albums, and loose photos, and buying new albums, and putting in the photos I wanted - and remembering the happy times when they were taken.

    I also like to look through the various cards he sent me, and have these in folders, and I find great comfort in looking at them. I've also taken up some new hobbies, things that I was never able to do when I was caring for my husband for many years, and have joined 3 Community Choirs, which I enjoy very much.

    The most important thing is to be kind to yourself, and not berate yourself if you have setbacks, especially in the early days. Rejoice in the lovely relationship you had with your Mum, and how you cared for her.

    I wish you well, and may your dear Mum's sweet soul Rest In Peace xxx
  4. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    Condolences on the loss of your mum. And you are quite right - it is time to take care of your self. That doesn't mean you can "put it all behind you" (as one well-meaning twit said to me after my husband died!) - but you can know that you did the best you could for your mum and now it's time to the best you can for you.

    I found in the time following William's death, some times I would find that hours had gone by and I had, quite literally, done nothing. I had just been sitting. But that was fine - it takes time to gather ourselves.

    Congratulations on your new job. It's good to have new challenges, new interests and things to look to the future with. But it's also good to give yourself plenty of time to rest and relax and catch up with yourself. To allow all the good memories of your mum to come through.
  5. Otiruz

    Otiruz Registered User

    Nov 28, 2015
    Hello Twinklestar - your uplifting post is very gratefully received. I hope your new office and line manager keep your thoughts and deeds positive and forward thinking.

    Your mum will of course always be with you and what a loving daughter you have been. It's now your time to gently move into the next phase of your life. Very best wishes.
  6. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    Hello Twinklestar, Im sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my Mum 8 weeks ago. I agree that it takes a long time to physically and mentally recover. I have started knitting again and plan to quilt again soon too. I am making plans for my house to have a mini makeover and taking a lot of long relaxing baths with my most expensive smellies.

    I think its all about taking one day at a time and living in the moment when you are grieving. I try not to dwell on the past or worry about the future. I just live for now and how to be today. Sometimes I feel content, and other times I feel bereft. There is no right or wrong. Everyone needs to find there own way.

    I hope you keep posting as it does help the many who don't reply too.

  7. smartieplum

    smartieplum Registered User

    Jul 29, 2014
    Quality post. My friend's mum died after a long illness where she nursed her 24/7. She felt relief when her mum died and then felt guilty for feeling relieved. But she now has to put herself first. Her life has been on hold for so long.
  8. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    Sorry for the loss of your Mum. Work is a good distraction I find, but you still need to give yourself time to grieve. Like Scarlett, I found sorting through photos after my husband died very therapeutic and I had photo books made for our family showing his life from baby to his last days. I keep it beside me and find it a great comfort.

    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point

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