You'd think that after caring for your wife for the past 14 years that you would be immune to adverse changes. Not so. I made my daily visit to Jan at her care home today. Twenty minutes into the visit [no, I'm not thick, it just takes a lot of concentration making these visits] I realised that all Jan had done was pull herself on her hands and knees, then almost immediately fall either to left or right, in the 'soft' room where I spend most of my visits with her. I realised that the most verbal contact she had provided sounded like "gadda gadda gadda". I knew she couldn't see me. I couldn't elicit any reply to the words I said to her. I recalled that this has been the case for the past four days or so - perhaps she has gone down one more step. It stretches your spirit a lot. I was a bit later than usual visiting Jan today and 45 minutes into my visit the 1-to-1 carer came to ask if he could move Jan to her chair so she could be taken to the dining room for her food. I said yes, and also that I would go because she didn't seem to be gaining anything from my being there [and it was very upsetting for me, though that is such a minor thing in comparison] As I left, Jan was being fed her evening meal. I touched her head and said "I'm going shopping now. See you tomorrow". Sightlessly she said "Oh Golly, no!" - the first recognisable thing she had said all during the visit. One wonders just how many steps downward there can be. We all have bad days!