The dangers of respite

[Chesca]

How patronising and doff me cap! Mornin' mistress! Bless you 'southerners' and your 'gran'speak!

Flock box? If you have to explain, there ain't no joke.

The pivvy? In less grander times, certainly in throw your-clogs-on-your-whippet country, the locals fluffed up their finery and whilst the bombs were dropping partook of the local courtin' ritual called the dance at the local ballroom - invariably known as 'The Pavilion' or, in Weston, Le Palais De Danse, it being South of Crewe. These days we'd probably call it..........but we don't want to go there, do we?

Yours from the sticks
Chesnuts

 

[Chesca]

Dear Norman

Way I'm feeling at the mo, you couldn't bear to starve your donkey for 24 hours, could you? Having a little trouble sleeping. Could I borrow the bed? I'll pay the vet.

I have a soft spot for donkeys, by the way. Time back, we rescued a sad donkey from certain death, but he was a reet blighter, kept escaping from his glorious patch and confounding the local constabulary. Want a crime solved? buy yourself a donkey (sick): Horace, the donkey, had a terrible cancer and I was of a mind that if he wanted to run riot on the traffic regulations it could only be an improvement. We loved him and he cost a fortune in vet's fees. Now, about that flock box....

Chesca

 

[Jude]

Dear Casheu, me old Chestnut,

This flock box is such a puzzle. Is it a small enclosure for lambs?
Could it be a container for fluffy bits of wool, which are waiting to be spun into skeins? Perhaps a bag in your washing machine for collecting grunge? Maybe it's an anti-deafening device that one can purchase at overly loud discos????

WHAT IS IT??? Am desperate to know the answer.

Jude

 

[Chesca]

Dearest Jude

Flock box is a slang expression for 'bed' as in 'they can't afford blankets, they just throw the flock (feathers) over'........ in a sort of chase-the-chickens-through environment

Anyway, I'm having no truck with you. Seen photos of Flamboyant. My flip flops started flipping of their own accord. Seriously envious although grudgingly aware you deserve a lot of happiness and beauty. Hope you never allow Dick Dastardly, aka brother, a free stay in Bali. That would be too too much.

I know....what's a chase-the-chickens-through environment?...

Yours a delicate shade of puce
Chestynuts

 

[Jude]

Dear Chestynuts,

I suppose the 'chase-the-chickens through' is a sort of DIY duvet on the run... A bit like the ancient Surrey sport of 'duck-upping'. Don't even ask...!! I think this involves a lot of dynamite and feathers.

Flamboyant - well, perhaps you can see why I get a wee bit antsy about being stuck in chilly old England, especially without my other half. I could post a photo of him on TP, but I guess nobody would ever speak to me again...

I read one of these self help books once, which was entitled something like 'I Could Do Anything in my Life, If I Only Knew What the Hell it was I Wanted'. Anyway, I thought I'd give it a whirl since I'd forked out $20 for it. The gist was that you had to write down your 'Job From Hell' and then your 'Job from Heaven'. After that, you had to post the 'Job From Heaven' on the toilet wall and let the cosmic force do the rest. By that I do mean creatively visualising the Heavenly Posting...

My idea of a 'Job from Heaven' was basically to doss around on a tropical island'. I should have been a bit more specific really, because running a guest house is extremely hard work, tropical island notwithstanding. However, it is total paradise and I don't need to spend a fortune on Vitamin D tablets any more.

My brother won't come to Bali, as he likes temperatures of minus 20C and after the freezer scenario, well you know my views on that sort of climate.

I shall shortly away to the flock box. What a wonderful saying it is.

Jude

 

[Chesca]

Dear Jude

I couldn't imagine life without my best half - sometimes I get to go with him, (particularly if it's a particularly tasty site) but it's bad enough when he has to stay away for a couple of nights - he calls it business, I call it respite (from me). How the hell he puts up with the fallout of my carryingson (one of mum's wonderful expressions) is anybody's guess.

Not long until November.

Thoughts and things
Cheshunt nr hearts

 

[Norman]

Jude
do you know what a donkey's breakfast is ?
Norman

 

[Jude]

Dear Norm,

Would that be, er - HAY?

Jude

 

[Norman]

Jude
a donkey's breakfast was the mattress that the old sailors were issued with.
You are right it was straw stuffed in a cover
keep your pecker up
love
Norman

 

[Chesca]

Upping?

Jude
Wasn't that swans?

Chesca

 

[Chesca]

Upping?

Or was that when my mother was telling Mrs Wottserface of the village who she'd 'never had much time for!' that her offspring had achieved one more exam pass than Wottserface's son!?

Chesca

 

[Jude]

Dear Chesca,

It was indeed swans, but after they became a protected species [just before every last one was upped,] they changed it to ducks because they were more available - and probably taste better than yer actual swan anyway. I wonder why it's called 'upping' when the yield result is 'down' for feather pillows? Also in, 'I just have to duck down to the Post Office'. Why don't we duck up instead?

I almost introduced a new form of this ancient art yesterday, which would have become known as Pater Upping, or ritualised murder... I had a bath instead.

Best fishes,

Jude