The Chescaster Chronicles: Sibling Visits

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Chesca, Oct 16, 2004.

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  1. Chesca

    Chesca Guest

    #1 Chesca, Oct 16, 2004
    Part deux: The sisters, Pending and Post, Quarterly Visit

    Spent a tooth crunching couple of hours with the sibs one of whom is, by her own admittance, completely cold and removed from the whole business. The business, being that of my mother's current care home conditions and concern for some of Mum's treatment therein. Just have to accept that's the way it is, apparently, I was told, and that was that as subject was summarily closed. Taking in the rather wary and alarmed gaze of my partner, JJ, the air so pregnant with pause as to promise broken waters (Magic, flippers please!) in anticipation of nuclear fallout (mine) he was left dazed, mouth agape as I agreed that, yes, we were indeed going around in ever increasing circles.

    The lesson learned is that whilst one is allowed to be the person she is without fear of contradiction (that is a cold-hearted, selfish, bitch) others who are not quite of that bent - rather some of the aforementioned tinged with a little compassion here, a little caring there - are apparently not entitled to be who they are and express themselves accordingly. Jollydee. Well, now we all know where we stand, if we didn't before, before, before and pre that!

    I left, dignity and family harmony still intact, my finger nails gouging through the held hand of my beloved. He was still in shock at my apparent serenity so didn't feel a thing. I drove.

    Just off to the dentist for some filing down of the cracked molars and a stitch in the bitten tongue. Followed by A&E for a tetanus for JJ's wounds!

    48 hours to go and things will revert to normal, whatever that is these days. How I will cope without them is a worry, but am sure I'll think of something just as soon as I've cleaned Dad's kitchen floor, the windows, curtains, fridge, cupboards, all of which were promised by them 'to take some pressure off you' i.e. me. And if this sounds like I'm feeling just a tad peed off and bitter, it's because I am. It too shall pass but I see no reason why you should get away without suffering the fallout.

    And, afterall, it is only because of the opportunity afforded by TP, to say it how I feel it, that Chescaster Towers still stands. I owe it all to YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

    Your serene gratefulness
    Chesca
     
  2. susan

    susan Registered User

    Aug 18, 2003
    125
    east sussex
    #2 susan, Oct 16, 2004
    Dear serene Chesca

    There's something in the air - my brother turned up out of the blue today to visit mum - when i asked if he was going to see Dad wait for it 'no point'
    Yes i bit my tongue and said 'there is always a point'

    Still count my blessings - he did remember mum''s telephone number and where she lived!!!

    Thank you for your wonderful writings - wish i could write like that,
    keep smiling along with the rest of us
    love sue
     
  3. Chesca

    Chesca Guest

    #3 Chesca, Oct 16, 2004
    Dear Susan

    Thanks. Suppose we should be giving thanks that at least brother is providing some support, however small, by remembering your Mum. Hopefully, she gets something out of his presence. Who knows he may one day see the 'point' of visiting your Dad.........just hope for his sake it's not too late in the day. He may just find that harder, poor little tyke!!

    Have a glass of wine along with me and we will raise a toast to all of us. Mine's a Beaujolais Village - a gift from a lovely person, so Cheers!

    Lotsa
    Chesca
     
  4. susan

    susan Registered User

    Aug 18, 2003
    125
    east sussex
    #4 susan, Oct 16, 2004
    Dear Chesca
    Cheers my dear - yep i know it will hit him somewhen - enjoy the vino love sue
     
  5. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    #5 Norman, Oct 16, 2004
    Chesca
    have a bevy with me
    Love
    Norman
     
  6. Kriss

    Kriss Registered User

    May 20, 2004
    513
    Shropshire
    #6 Kriss, Oct 16, 2004
    Norm

    it must be the time of night - I've been on the Aussie Chardonnay and very nice it was too!

    Kriss
     
  7. Chesca

    Chesca Guest

    #7 Chesca, Oct 16, 2004
    Norm

    Here's cheers to your pixie ears me dear. Tankards all 'round!
    And a packet of pork scratchings while you're there. Always the gourmet, me!

    Chesca
     
  8. Chesca

    Chesca Guest

    #8 Chesca, Oct 16, 2004
    And, Kriss

    Haven't cheered to you yet. Just need another glass. Ah, Cheers and cheers again. And would somebody else please want to cheers me, soon, glass is near empty again.

    Chesca
     
  9. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dec 11, 2003
    2,287
    Tully, Qld, Australia
    #9 Jude, Oct 17, 2004
    Dear All,

    Comments such as these from siblings just illustrate how utterly clueless they all are about the symptoms of dementia and possibly how scared they are too. Presumably if they are ever in this sad position, then they will be quite happy to know that none of their family will ever visit them?

    Jude
     
  10. storm

    storm Registered User

    Aug 10, 2004
    269
    notts
    #10 storm, Oct 17, 2004
    Dear all,I am sick of making excuses for my siblings in law when it boils down to it its not that they cant face up to things or they havnt got time or even whats the point plain and simple THEY DONT CARE,which is fair enough if they admitted to it instead of sticking there beak in only when it suits them and upseting things into the bargain.I could never have treated my own mum or dad the way they do lets just ignore things and hope they go away.Well as far as im concerned the farther they go the better! storm
     
  11. susan

    susan Registered User

    Aug 18, 2003
    125
    east sussex
    #11 susan, Oct 17, 2004
    Dear all
    regarding siblings - i have to agree with all of you - they seem not to care- can't handle what is happening - iv'e released my anger for now and feel quite calm - and agree wiith many of you it's just not worth the aggro. Can't promise that it won't get the better of me again though!!!
    Thanks for listening Sue

    PS Chesca - he's a big tyke.
     
  12. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    #12 Sheila, Oct 17, 2004
    Chin chin Ches, just off to the fridge for a refill, mines a, oh darn it, can't remember, white, medium. Nearly there now girl just hours to countdown. It's a shame all these relatives we have dont take a peek at TP and learn from it. Think they would probably be so niaeve (can't spell that) they wouldn't see it was them/they?? we are talking about. or try to improve things. Storm, Jude and Susan, vent it here, at least that way you get to appear sweetness and light to the siblings and you know we love you no matter what! Love She. XX
     
  13. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dec 11, 2003
    2,287
    Tully, Qld, Australia
    #13 Jude, Oct 18, 2004
    Dear All,

    Well 4pm came and went and guess what, no phone call. I hadn't even mentioned the possibility to the parents this weekend, so it didn't upset them or me.

    Jude
     
  14. susan

    susan Registered User

    Aug 18, 2003
    125
    east sussex
    #14 susan, Oct 18, 2004
    Dear Jude
    Don't you just love them!!
    My sister was going to ring over a week ago!
    Loved your other posting about mum and dad nattering in bed - what a lovely way to finish a day after the trials and tribulations of caring all day.
    Take care love Suex
     
  15. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dec 11, 2003
    2,287
    Tully, Qld, Australia
    #15 Jude, Oct 19, 2004
    Dear Sue,

    Mostly it's great, although they had a chat session last night between 1-3am which wasn't such fun..........

    Jude
     
  16. gemini

    gemini Registered User

    Sep 8, 2003
    69
    Nottingham
    #16 gemini, Oct 20, 2004
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2004
    Dear All

    On the subject of uncaring siblings, my Brother in law Lives in Canada and when we informed him of his mothers diagnosis in April 2003 he simply enquired if she was being prescibed 'those pills that allow AD sufferers to lead a normal life' ?????????? This is a man with degrees in numerous subjects, but sadly none in common sense or compassion.

    Since that time he has sent her the odd post card, but not once has he asked how she is!!... not even a general enquiry. Sadly we live with the knowledge that if and when he ever does return to good Old Blighty, Mum in law will treat him like the return of the prodigal son, when in fact he is the most arrogant and selfish person I have ever met.

    Regards
    Gemini
     
  17. storm

    storm Registered User

    Aug 10, 2004
    269
    notts
    #17 storm, Oct 20, 2004
    Dear Gemini,It does you good to realise that its not just your family thats like this why or how they can do it is beyond me and you try explaining things to them it goes in one ear and out the other, its not that they dont understand they just dont care enough to even tryyet when anything happens like going into hospital they kick up a major fuss if you dont let them know right away they may visit a couple of times in hospital till the novelty wears off then when she comes home you dont see them for the next 6mths or more FAMILYS WHOED HAVE EM! storm
     
  18. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dec 11, 2003
    2,287
    Tully, Qld, Australia
    #18 Jude, Oct 20, 2004
    Dear All,

    Unfortunately we will all see rather too much of them when it comes to reading Wills.

    Jude
     
  19. storm

    storm Registered User

    Aug 10, 2004
    269
    notts
    #19 storm, Oct 20, 2004
    Hi Jude, you have it the nail on the head and its so maddening yet sad at the same time because i think mum knows they dont want her thats the hard part.storm
     
  20. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dec 11, 2003
    2,287
    Tully, Qld, Australia
    #20 Jude, Oct 20, 2004
    Dear Storm,

    That's where the love, hugs and kisses from you come in. It will help deflect her sadness hopefully.

    Jude xxx
     
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